It sounds like the review was useful and clarified a lot. Though the 7 diagnoses sounds a bit of a headspin! Are you getting help to manage the controlling thoughts etc?
I actually cannot explain how proud I am of you, Jodie. You are amazing.
Love you millions <3
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Jodie, from your last post it sounds like although things are really difficult you are doing amazingly well.
My brother was IP for two months for practically nothing, so I do hope you try not to worry about length of your stay and just focus on using the time as well as possible to get better.
Take care lovely and keep fighting with the man in your head and co-operating with the staff.
Jodie was a hero at the review today. I am so very proud!
And she's allowed up to four hours leave with either me or her uncle, so we've come to her flat so she can see her gerbils =D
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I am so very prud of you. I know it can't be easy to be in there, so to be making these great steps and not purging for ten days and working with the staff is fantastic. It really shows the strength you have :)
Keep on fighting we're here for you, like a little cheersquad :)
Oh JodMum look how amazing you're doing!
Even if there are days where it's bad, and you've slipped up or whatever, don't focus on that, focus on how WELL you've done, how AMAZING you've been doing, how wonderfully strong you are.
Focus on that.
Your strength.
Your lovelyness.
How much we all love you.
How much we believe in you.
The positives.
*snuggles*
You can do this. You can.
Keep going, JodMum.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
So on my ward a male patient exposed himself to me and made sexually vulgar/inappropriate comments to me over a few days. So they moved me to another ward (because, ya know, always punish the female).*
I did not want to move and I feel vulnerable here. The staff are working with the man and there is only one or two I can trust here. They are watching to see how many of the rules/commands I ignore and then they wilt ell the man who will be angry because I can't follow them all. So I have been purging a lot which I know means I have let you down.*
I saw the psychologist today and she was amazing. I was honest with her and to,d her the truth about things and how they affect me. Ses having another appointment with mme next week to finish gathering all the info and then said she will try and help me challenge the thoughts. *She also said she didn't think I should go home yet but that's what the consultant wants.*
Had ward round and met the consultant for this ward. *She said I should be able to go to the crisis house next week which I am glad and scared about because it means I am out of hospital, which is what I want, but also means I am not on a locked ward, so while I will be able to talk through the urges to self harm and such, if the man tells me to take an overdose I will leave the house. I know I don't want to , but I also know how things work and at the moment I have received no help or advice on how to begin challenging the bigger thoughts.*
Effectively, I have been kept safe for a couple weeks, which was nice. But the fear is that nothing has changed, and I will be let out and will just end up back in or dead. Because I now know that I can challenge the 'small' thoughts to self harm but only because I know I will be let out soon and so he has his plans for then. I told the psychologist this. Even though the man wanted me to lie.*
Right now I feel anxious and scared. The staff that are on at the moment are working with the man so I can't talk to them about wanting to self harm. I hope the night staff will be on soon and it is someone I can trust because the urges are really bad, and so are the images he is showing me. I still need to take the X number of pills he told me to take the first week I was here's but the section isn't up til the 28th so I think doing small things until then will still keep people safe.*
I don't know how to challenge the thoughts. I have no idea. I've only just been able to start thinking about what is real and what isn't. I don't see the psychologist again until next Thursday which is fine, but what if I am discharged in the interim? I have earned nothing about how to cope so I don't know what I will do :s. I'm worried, but want to leave at the same time. Gah.*
I don't really have anything useful to say Jodie, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, I hope you get through this and come out the other end safely.
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