Thanks Andrea, I'm not feeling too great, dinner tonight was really challenging, and I'm having overwhelming SI and purging thoughts. I've told the nurse and had some medication, just trying to distract myself now.
Thankyou for being here for me it means a lot, and yes it would be good to see you xxx
I write down my feelings, and i write letters to people who have hurt me but i dont send them. I think this helps it had reduced self harming and it was one of the things that helped me stop. It's not for everyone, but give it a try - dont be affraid whatever your feeling how drastic it maybe because by the time you have finished you will feel a weight has been lifted off your sholders. keep them and in months to come read back on them and you will se how strong you have become. Trust me, im speaking from experience xxx
I have came to an obstacle in my life where it has slowed me down, but it has not stopped me. I will find a way around it and continue on my journey of life.
You didn't hurt me - You made me stronger, You didn't make me cry - You made me laugh, You made me realise your pathetic and one day, you'll learn.
You can do this!! And I hope you have a nice time with your friends. Just keep reminding yourself that there are so many people who love you and want to see you get better. And we all are here to catch you when you fall! I'll be here for you no matter what girl. No giving up allowed <3
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I'm not feeling very strong today. I had some friends from school come in to visit which was good, but I dont understand why I just wanted them to leave, I love them and was really excited about them coming in :|
Since then I've been feeling pretty awful, SI thoughts are out of control and I'm so confused. My ED says "do it so you get kicked out and can come back to me," Ally says "No I need the help". I honestly dont know which one to listen to. I mean logically I do but I'm not thinking very logically right now.
I could talk to the staff and I have told them that I'm not feeling great but I haven't elaborated on it because I honestly dont know why I'm feeling so terrible, I just know that hurts and I'm starting to feel desperate, like I would do anything to make it stop hurting.
Listen THAT one. Because that one is logical. That one is positive and recovery oriented. The other one is your illness talking to you. Lying to you. You DO need the help, love. Please don't give in to your ED. You know that being alone with it is dangerous and will not make you feel any better.
The best shot at getting yourself better is to stay in the hospital and let them help you. Talk to the staff. Even if you don't know why you are hurting, you should still let staff know that you are feeling that way for reasons you aren't sure of. Maybe talking it out with somebody could help you sort things out so you'll be able to work on the source of the pain and learn how to cope with whatever it is that is hurting you.
I also totally understand about wanting friends to leave even though you are happy to see them. For me it's usually because when friends are there I would try to act happy and like I was fine even though I wasn't either of those. Being alone allows you to stop pretending and to be alone with your symptoms rather than hiding them. That's how it was for me at least.
*big big hug*
I'm thinking of you Miss Ally. And I am sending positive thoughts your way. Hang in there, fight hard, and ask for help when you need it. You will get through this love. I promise. And I'll be right there beside you every step of the way.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
Why you are feeling so terrible and you don't know why, maybe it's come out in your writings and you haven't seen it? Maybe you could read to your nurse bits of what you have written? I'm happy that you had a good time with your friends today. Hopefully next weekend I'll be able to come and see you. I know I've said this before but you can text me if you want to talk and I'll call you as soon as I get it.
Thanks Jess, Andrea and Loz, really appreciate the replies xx
Jess that's some really good advice, thankyou I will definately try some of it *hugs*
Andrea, I'm not sure about reading what I've written to my nurse, I've kind of explained it anyway, she said I'm just really emotional and unstable because I'm in here and being challenged all the time.
Thanks for the hugs Loz, right back at you *cuddles*
I just wanted to pop in and say I know how difficult&overwhelming hospital can be, and if you need to talk you can PM me anytime.
You sound like you're doing really well, I know it doesn't feel like it but honestly, you're taking steps in the right direction and I'm proud of you. Keep talking to the staff if you can, they are there to help.
*sends strength && good vibes your way*
x
You might not have felt it at the time but when I spoke to you on the phone you sounded really well. Oh I just want to come and give you a big hug for as long as you will let me. Being challenged is good in a way because it's fighting against the thing in your head and proving to yourself that you can win not your ed. You are doing really well in staying there for as long as you can.
I was so stupid tonight, I thought that I would challenge myself and have a scoop of icecream. I ate it, and now I'm a mess. It shouldn't get to me so much but it is, and I can't seem to get over it! It's making me want to self harm, it's making me want to do a lot more than self harm.
I've talked to the nurse, she just encouraged me to distract myself, hence being on here and having the tv on, it's just not working.
You might feel like a mess but what you did was really brave. What else can you do to distract yourself with the tv not helping? Can you talk to any of the other patients or is that not helpful either? Call your mum or sister?
Thanks Andrea, I wish I could believe you that it was brave, it just seems stupid to me. Can't call mum because she's OS, I think my sisters going to call after work. Don't really want to talk to the other patients right now, and I'm not sure what else I can do to distract. I just feel like self destructing.
