so i woke up this morning and found out my entire flat has gone home for the weekend and most of my mates are busy.. i did work today but now im lonely. im also about to melt if i have to do anymore work.
at least its a distraction i guess.
hope your all ok
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
hey hun, sorry i am still here but my computer never seems to quite like ryl doesnt seem to show new posts sometimes even after refreshing :/ only ha[ppens on ryl, odd.
anyway sorry your flatmates went away, hope your ok x
umm ok i just wanted to tell someone buts its quite (ok alot) triggering so ive been putting it off and also i hope im not breaking any rules so please please please dont read it your going to be triggered, id hate to think i did that to someone, in fact i honestly dont care if anyone even reads it or replies because i just wanted to say it
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
please it is VERY triggering
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
when i was in hosp i harmed by 'accident' adn ever since ive been adding to it, its on a finger jointand im pretty sure ive cut a tendon,
but now i've done it on another joint of the finger, part of me doesnt care but i know i should :/ and i know i should stop but i cant bring myself to care.
I dont want sympathy or advice, seriously, i know what i should do, i just wanted to say iot to someone
ferret, please get that checked out... that could cause serious long term damage. You will regret it in the future if you don't get it seen to. You could also get an infection & it could spread, resulting in loss of your finger, possibly even your hand if it spreads far enough, and it may go into your bloodstream, & you could die.
Please get it seen to.
My sleeping is a mess & well, everything right now is a mess, inside & out.
I feel very irritated, more than likely due to lack of sleep though.
I'm gonna go lay down in a bit, just posting around for a bit, feel bit better physically when I lie down, so I'll be back when I feel up to it, I could do with a hug though, if it's okay.
i've ordered the "i hate you, don't leave me" book..., i found the one i'm reading now on my amazon recommendations called "get me out of here" by rachel reiland, it's hard to find bpd related memoirs but i found this one luckily... but i've read alot of bipolar memoirs and a multiple personality disorder memoir, lots about self harm....
I hate you don't leave me isn't exactly a memoir. It has got some case studies in it though. I suppose in a way it helped me unsertand myself a little more, but it actually made me depressed. Just wanted to warn just in case. Also Dannie I read your other thread. Though it was really good :) And might give that book a go.
Claire, I'm not gonna say what you should do, cos like you said, you already know. But what are you planning to do? Is this the same finger as before or a different one? Keep strong hun *hugs*
Decorus howa u? You feeling any better than the other day?
Left in the centre, I know how you feel about work. Because of all this work I'm on the verge of tears almost all the time. I'm thinking of going to my drs to get them to write a letter for mitigating circumstances. But I don't know. I feel like I'm being stupid. It's not like I'm under any more stress than anyone else, so why should I get mitigating circumstances? I'm just worried that I'm going to fail my exams or do badly. If you fail you can retake but only get a max score of 40 no matter what your realy mark and that means you only just pass. I need firsts in every single exam ans a first in my dissertation to get a first over all. My friends keep going on about how it's not as hard as we thought to get a first, but there's no way I can get a first. I'm not even sure if I can get a 2:1 at this rate!
How are you doing hellz?
Anyways hugs to all
x
Last edited by dark faery princess : 01-05-2010 at 09:54 PM.
And you're my obsession, I love you to the bones...
a first or even a 2:1 isn't the be all and end all hun, its the fact u have a degree at all that matters to most employers, stay strong x
umm same finger and thank u all for your concern, and sorry for being one of those annoying ppl who ignore advice, i really am, i know how frustrating it can be, but don't worry about me, i really just did want to get it off my chest.
ferret - stop trying to back out of it. i understand its hard and its all you have but eventually someone will notice. either when you get infected or something else.. isnt it better to take responsibility now when your in control of it, not when its threatening amputation .
dark faery - work loads are ridiculous but think of it this way. its like being selectively dyslexic.. theres something in my heads that makes it difficult to study and work so therefore it is mitigating circumstances because not everyone has it.
decorus - my sleep's shot to pieces at the moment as well. i find the best thing is to read, or walk it off or write down everything thats bothering you and if that doesnt work just try and do soemthing so you dont snap at 3am lol .
me - so its now 10pm.. still no one in the flat for another 24 hours... no ones around, im feeling lowsey... urges are racing... eurgh.
im still not tired, i cant be awake again tonight.
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Yeh I know, the only thing is I'm planning on hopefully doing a clinical doctorate (in like 6 years I'll be one of those annoying psychlogists we all hate! lol) and a lot of places require a 2:1 or ask you to do a phd first and I don't wanna spend the next 3 years doing a phd to then do 3 years doing a doctorate. Anyways, I'm sure it'll be fine.
I suppose you're kinda right. I kinda feel like I'm admitting I'm not good enough or like I'm admitting my weakness by telling them I can't cope. Hope you're ok, I hate being in my house alone when my housemates are all out. My house is huge and makes scary noises! Why don't you try a warm bath with some lavender oil?
No it's fine, we all ignore advice. Anyways I didn't give you any ;) Can you move it at all?
x
Last edited by dark faery princess : 01-05-2010 at 10:09 PM.
Reason: didn't see left in centers reply
And you're my obsession, I love you to the bones...
Don't apologise hun, I know it's scary, but in the long term its probs best to get this little bit of scary out the way. Is there someone that can go with you?
x
And you're my obsession, I love you to the bones...
argh that sounded patronising sorry. I meant a little bit of scary compared to how it could turn out if you leave it too long. Cos the longer you leave it,the harder it will be. I mean it might need operating on or something, and thelonger you leave that, the harder it will be to get it sorted out.
x
And you're my obsession, I love you to the bones...
god no, then id have to tell them, but then ill haev to tell them if i get treatment :/ i just find it harder to talk to them than i do a professional in some ways
I know how you feel. I find it incredibly difficult to talk to my family. It's much easier to talk to people I'm not as close to. You not got a friend that you could bluff to and say it's an injury you got a while ago but didn't think to get it checked?
Also though, surely your family/friends have noticed your worsening finger?
x
And you're my obsession, I love you to the bones...
You really have to go, even if you go to a pharmacy and get checked out, there more you leave it the worse it could get and that could result in so mnay issues.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
motivation has a habit of slipping away just when you need it love.
the trick is to change things .. like if your not motivated do something you enjoy then do soemthing you dont.
or you have to sit down and say ok you dont want to do it but you dont have a choice. your running out of options it has to be done.
its about pushing yourself further than you want to go
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
