~you made my day with that, I actually genuinely smiled today, I love you. can't wait to see you
~I'm a slut? really? how so? when I haven't had sex since June when it was, oh yeah, WITH YOU.
I realize I've made mistakes in my life and am working to change them yet you constatnly bring them up and throw them in my face when I want to forget my past.
are you jealous because I'm happy and you're not?or are you jealous because I don't want to be with you anymore and you want me back but don't have the balls to say so, beccause you know what the answer is.
what is wrong with you that you have to call me out on everything horrible I've ever did to anyone?
why do you have to remind me of the horrible things I did YEARS ago
personally I think you're just upset because I'm learning from my mistakes and growing from them and you remain a smug bastard child.
you laughed in my face when I announced that I'm celibate til marriage only because you were my first?
thanks, but I wanted to start over and I did, you just can't accept that.
we broke up for a reason!! we try to KILL each other STOP stalking me
and leave me alone, stop trying to be in my life I don't NEED your toxicity anymore!!
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
There are remarkable things all the time, right in front of us,
but our eyes have like the clouds over the sun
and our lives are paler and poorer if we do not
see them for what they are. If nobody speaks of
remarkable things, how can they be called remarkable?"
I wanted to tell you im not ok and want ur help. I wanted you to notice the scars on my arm so u knew i needed you. But i just sat there not saying anything like i always do. I want to send you an email telling you im not ok but i dont believe im worth your effort and i dont want to burden you. I wish you would approach me about it as i cant get the words out.
Im not ok but i feel better than i did. I dont care what anyone says, cutting really does make you feel like its a bit better. I just wish i could go back to cutting my arms but its too risky that someone would see who i dont want to know.
this doesn't scare me, my brain is foggy and I don't care
though I have a feeling if I get my way I'll be doing something horrible tonight
if it comes to that, I apologize
and I realize he was right
but I refuse to beleive that commitment scares the shit out of me and the Pakk doesn't play like that so I'll sit my ass right here and not go anywhere.
I'm getting drunk by myself and it's going to my head because I haven't eaten today, and I plan to keep it that way
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
Please don't go behind my back.
Please don't get angry at me.
Please don't shout at me.
Please don't be like her.
Please don't let go.
Please don't walk away.
Please don't hate me.
Please don't give up on me.
Please don't forget. Please don't leave.
The reason I feel Im not good enough is because I never have been. Mother has always critisized me about EVERYTHING. Even 9 A*s wasnt good enough.
I thought i wasnt good enough for my dad to not bother for years.
Me and grandad used to be really close, I was his favourite and then he just fucked off and never seen/heard of him since.
First serious boyfriend pressured me to do stuff i didnt want to, so i felt i wasnt good enough and the stuff i wanted to do. And he was always like "look at her tits!" ..."you make yourself sick? its not a big deal" .... "shes mint, id bang her" etc etc. All the blonde/tanned/fake tits girls.
Other boyfriend was always "i cant resist her!" ... stopped sleeping with me cos "he couldnt be bothered" for months.
Also, I just look at myself and think GROSS. how can anyone be attracted to this?
Theres something else. We discussed it kind of. I cant talk about it because it upsets me. Id feel stupid if I asked you. Like a pathetic insecure whiney girlfriend that I already am.
But am trying. I really do. It takes so much due to the frequency and intensity of my thoughts and feelings so dont expect change straight away. It will take a while but I promise I am trying.
The only times I feel bad about something are when I don't, actually, feel bad about it. Like cutting. I don't regret it, don't feel ashamed - then I regret not regretting it, and feel ashamed of my lack of shame.
Same thing here. I only feel bad because I don't.
oh non-believer, please believe me.
is there honestly nothing in this world
that keeps you living & breathing?
you're a ghost in your own
goddamn city.
It hasn't really been my week. I need to close my eyes and start over. The first step is to accept what has happend, deal with it, forget about it and move on. Slip ups can easily be forgotten.
I have marks on the first two fingers of my left hand and I don't remeber how they got there..please tell me I'm not going insane
my moods are so up/down and my alters are switching so much these days I'm surprised I haven't done anything fatal yet, but I promised you I wouldn't kill myself and that's a promise I intend to keep
~last nights conversation was just wrong, but it's to be expected, does anyone but me know you're bulimic too? does anyone but me know that you're the one taht taught me how to purge when I was already anorexic?
next weekend is you're birthday we're gunna go get slammed and screwed up I know, and you want to pick up "random b*tches" do you think that's going to help you forget her? I understand completely where you're coming from but random sex won't help, trust me. I've done that and I hated it.
and "you're one of us now, you need to forget taht stupid no good wh*re of an ex"
haven't I always been one of the Pakk little bro'? the second I moved here and got in with you, but I get what you ment by that, you ment now I'm closer then blood family cause we've all gone through the same shit together. I love you, remember that I'm not leaving you guys on purpose I'm leaving because I can't live in this state anymore where she can track me, and I'm going home, this will always be my 2nd home and the Snakk Pakk will always be my family, but with my stalker ex, I just can't
please understand that I'm not abandoning you, we all very may well end up living in the same house eventually.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
