How am I supposed to break the spell you've got me under?
Everything you need is around you.
The only danger is inside you.
So punch another pillow, to make the pain a little less.
And run another race, to make the pace a little faster.
Use another knife, to make the cut a little deeper.
Then shed another tear, to make reality a little truer.
I miss you. I'd like to have you back in my life, but I know it's not the best solution. But you're all I know in terms of dealing with ****.
10 steps and lonely nights
But you’ve still got me
On the road
Road paved in gold
Baby you must believe
Baby you must be free
Keep living on, living on the radio
It has been over a year since i last said hello to you so please leave me alone.
Please get out of my mind. I refuse to visit you again. I wont let myself say hello to you again no matter how much i feel like i need you.
I dont need you in my life. I need to stay away from you and never visit you again. Leave me and get out of my head.
I'd say:
"Thank you. I know that there would have been no way I would still be alive if I didn't have you during those difficult years.
But I can't think of you fondly anymore, you are an old safe reliable friend that became vicious. Your purpose was to keep me from death and I was so relieved to have you that I didn't notice the relationship turning toxic. Then you were the one endangering my life and keeping me ill. You reduced my quality of life to the point where I needed you even more not just to help with my original problems but the problems you yourself had caused me.
But things have changed now. I realized your toxicness. I've rebuilt my life from the damage you caused and recovered my health. I have outside help now and there is no reason why I should continue to depend on you.
So thank you for the help you have given me over the last 10 years, but I don't want you anymore."
I'm learning to live without you, in the twelve years or so I've been exposed to your destructive influence I finally feel I'm taking some control back. In nine weeks I'll be one year free, the longest time I've ever been free from self harm. I will get to that milestone because I've changed, I'm not constantly wanting more harm, more scars, more dressings, stitches etc. It's not what I want anymore, you're not what I want anymore.
You're going to end up killing me or doing more damage than you've already done.
So no, I won't give in to you.
They need me.
I'm not giving in to you, there's no use screaming constantly at me.
You're like a petulant child not getting what it wants. Here comes the tantrum.
Except, your ****ing tantrum seems to last forever.
And it's exhausting.
But I'm clinging on because of them.
I'm trying to have hope in what seems like a hopeless situation.
I'm trying to be strong despite feeling weak.
I'm trying to have courage despite feeling pathetic.
I'm trying to win a war despite feeling you'll win it.
Just please, stop now.
Please get out of here. I'm tired of being labeled an addict because of you and I'm tired of being addicted to you. You are causing me so much more pain physically. I can't walk because of you. I can walk, just not normally since you're taking forever to heal. Please, just go. There's the door. Feel free to leave right now.
"Don't go in search for the light at the end of the tunnel, but BE the light at the end of the tunnel for someone else"-unknown
"Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight" -Japanese Proverb
"You can count on me like 1,2,3 and I'll be there. 'Cuz I know when I need it I can count on you like 4,3,2 and you'll be there. 'Cuz that's what friends are supposed to do."-Bruno Mars
"I'll jump for you."-Tokio Hotel
"Everyone needs an olly, olly, oxen free."-Hannah Baker
Beauty: RIP 3rd November 2008
Dylan left us 23rd March 2012
PM me any time you need to talk and I'll answer as soon as I can.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future" LOTR
I want you so much, but my girlfriend will hate me for it
You're better than this. Breathe in. Breathe out. It'll be okay. I promise. Just don't forget to smile :)
The funny thing is,
nobody really ever knows how much
anybody is hurting.
We could be standing next to somebody,
who is completely broken,
and we wouldn't even know.
I need you. I'm scared of being without you. You've been with me so long, I can't imagine life without you. Sometimes I want you to go away, but then again I don't want you to leave me. I love you. I adore you. And I hate you. You've ruined my body. You've ruined my mind. You've ruined my soul. You have to go, but I can't seem to loosen my grip on you. If you leave me, I don't know how long I will survive. You're going to kill me. And sometimes, that doesn't bother me.
I don't understand why you won't allow me to do it properly? We used to be such good friends and now it's like you are taunting me, with "It's never enough" and you are right, it is never enough. I had come so far away from you, moved forward and now I'm back within your grips.
I hate that I now see you for what you are and that you scare me. It would be easy to run back to your comforting embrace but I don't want to stay there forever. How did I even get away from you in the first place when I feel like you are constantly grasping at me and trying to pull me deeper into your darkness. You might kill me but you make me feel alive at the same time and I hate you for it.
