Being on the edge can be a horrible, horrifying place to be. Not everyone understands, or wants to understand, because it can touch on the core raw pain of human existence.
I believe it can make us more whole people, as we recover, and hold the extremes of feelings safely and consciously.
There is a part of me that's quite a ways on in recovery.
Maybe it helps that I'm not formally diagnosed with it.
Hmm.
I not sure if I got it cos im to shame to ask to see my notes, im doing DBT this mean I got it?
I don't think it necessarily means that you are diagnosed with BPD as DBT can be useful in a number of different situations, even though it's primarily used in the treatment of BPD.
I think your best bet would be to ask whoever referred you to DBT why they referred you for it.
Im sick of being treated like sh*t cause of my diagnosis as Borderline.
Grr....
just because BPD is a horrible thing and the symptoms are stupid it doesnt mean we're bad people does it?.... sighs , its like we're not human , were just the BPD label
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
Im sick of being treated like sh*t cause of my diagnosis as Borderline.
Grr....
just because BPD is a horrible thing and the symptoms are stupid it doesnt mean we're bad people does it?.... sighs , its like we're not human , were just the BPD label
Hear hear! *Safe hugs.*
We are not horrible people hun. We have a horrible illness, it might sometimes make us feel horrible, even do horrible things but the point is we are not our illness. We are only human. We have a helluva lot more to contend with than a lot of people, and we deal with it how we can. I hear you though, I've been told so many invalidating things, people saying my feelings or thoughts are wrong and it's my 'ersonality disorder' speaking, what rubbish. We are borderline, but that makes us 100% human. We are even more human than other people in a way because we feel our emotions, which are what make us human and prove we are human more. And I'm just rambling, and I don't mean to piss people off, sorry if I've offended, I just want you to know you are not bad at all. I have been described by my own Mum as a 'monster' in the worst grips of my illness, but I am as much human as I am a monster, and I certainly don't think you are a monster or anything. Has the other thread upset you? (How to get into hospital, what that person said about bpds?). We might be misunderstood, but that doesn't mean we aren't real people with real feelings.
Nah , that thread just piss*d me off. But just in general ive been having a sh*t patch with the illness and im all a bit up and down.Not sleeping awfully well despite the 18.75 mg of Zopiclone im on a night.so that makes things seem worse.
How is everyone else doing atm?
I feel like such a fraud appearing randomly!...
I havent been on ryl for ages. Then i just appear when im feeling rough!
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
Also... do you guys ever find that when your life starts going well , like everyday things. Your BPD seems to get worse?
Like when i was first outta hospital things started picking up , i stopped dissociating and stuff, now im working full time and at college , in a stable relationship etc im finding that my nights are getting worse.. even though everyday stuff is better..
I dunno if its cause i dont have the time to reflect on stuff so it builds up till iend up dissociating. who knows..
just wandering if you
find that or not?
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
I found that as well, it was very difficult. In the end I packed in school & my relationship but that was a while ago now and wish I hadn't. I hope you'll be able to carry on with how well you are doing despite such vile symptoms getting in the way.
I seem to see this as different from how other people see it.
To me, BPD means my personality is what is at fault, and that is me, so therefore I am at fault.
you're not alone, Trace. i feel this too, sometimes. also, i've seen a lot of people on this thread who feel "fundamentally defective" because of the diagnosis, and that, because the personality is the essence of who we are, we must be faulty, disordered and unlikable. that's why i think the name of the illness should be changed. there have been suggestions in the pipeline and i hope one of them catches on, because it's not fair to label someone's personality, and in a way, soul, as being wrong.
i also think it's in our nature to feel that we mustn't be worthy of help, because we are horrible and unlovable as people. that's probably because of the past traumas and treatment that have led up to the illness in the first place, but i find that the medical/professional response to those with this diagnosis can be like a secondary trauma - it reinforces that belief that we're unimportant, difficult or frustrating.
Quote:
I also see it as not an illness, because if it were, then someone would have helped me by now, it's just something I have to deal with, it's just me
you shouldn't have had to have this experience, and i'm so sorry that that's how you're being treated. i was treated this way for quite some time, i'm lucky now, in that people have started to understand me and my needs better. unfortunately it's the experience of a number of people here, and, thinking about it, in my own PCT/area too. this doesn't make it acceptable. i fully feel that everyone is treatable, at least to a degree, and that everyone is worth the funding and the effort. if you had no desire to get better, i'd question whether it was the right time, but i know you do, at least at times (i think also we all feel sometimes like we just don't want to get better). i wish i could suggest a way for you to get the help you need. for me, i believe strongly it was the time i had in a therapeutic community that opened my eyes and those of my "team".
Quote:
I've had this diagnosis for three years now and because of it, they won't help me
i don't think they'll be able to get away with that as much in the future. i don't know the ins and outs, but i've heard of a new document regarding PDs that is coming out sometime next year which should make BPD even less of a "diagnosis of exclusion". seems some areas are still archaic, even following the previous document. of course, a year is too long to wait.
i've said this all in too many words and i hope you don't feel i was scrutinising your post with all my quotes :)
in short = yes, it is all very stupid.
Last edited by whirlpools : 24-11-2008 at 04:28 PM.
Reason: accidentally quoted the same bit twice
i think it wouldn't make a difference to the way other people treated me, the change of name, but i think it'd change the way i saw myself. i find it very hard to remind myself sometimes that, with the diagnosis of "personality disorder", that actually i'm not such an awful person to know.
