support for katie - when.will.it.end

[when.will.it.end]

Thanks!!

I've just got back to Leeds and I really wasn't looking forward to it but just got hit with all this shit in the space of two hours. Not seeing cpn before CPA this week because he doubled booked, therapist can't make it to CPA, Brigid have dropped at bill of £1,400 pounds on me because they didn't take rent and DLA payments when they should have, and this girl who I lent my Harry potter DVDs to still hasn't given them back to me after two fucking months.

I'm pissed off! I was feeling alright when I left, even happy. Now not so much. I wanted to go away this summer and I'm not going to be able to now. ARGH.

[fragile as glass]

I had a problem when my benefits were not taken on time and I got hit with a bill, a big bill, so I organised a monthly payment plan with the people who wanted the money and paid back that way. That way I could live and pay back too.

Try not to let these things set you back too much.

And it sounds like you're not being firm enough about getting your DVD's back - and don't lend to this girl again. Tell her the DVD's help you therapeutically and that might sway it for you.

[when.will.it.end]

I've been firm with her. She's just a fucking idiot. Or selfish cow. Or both. Brigid have also spoke to her.

I need to calm down. I want to be doing well.

[when.will.it.end]

I'm so stressed. Little things keep poping up and I'm not dealing with it very well. Why can't I handle stress like a normal person??

[talaiporia]

Stress is a difficult thing to handle. Is there anything you could do to relax?

[when.will.it.end]

Yeah trying to. I've tidied my room which helps and I'm watching tv. Should head to bed soon. I've lost my meds though which is annoying and can't get anymore until Friday urgh

[talaiporia]

That's good to hear, I hope you get some sleep. Will you be okay without your medication tomorrow?

[Wonderland.]

I hope you managed to get some sleep.

Can you maybe see if you can speak to your doctors and get your meds today?

How are you feeling today?

[when.will.it.end]

Managed to get to sleep at 3am eventually.

On my way to a dermatology appointment. Annoyingly my skin is great today (which is good obviously) but they won't take it seriously now or believe me when I say it's been really bad. Just see what happens I guess.

Other than that I'm feeling calmer than I was. I had a hissy fit at 2am and decided I was going to cancel my CPA (which is tomorrow) in a bpd 'fuck this' moment but I'm feeling calmer than I was so it's probably not the best idea.

[Wonderland.]

I'm glad that you managed to get some sleep.

Hope the appointment goes okay.

Glad you are feeling calmer about your CPA tomorrow.

[when.will.it.end]

Thanks.

I'm at the hospital. I hate it here. So much bad stuff has happened in this hospital, I can't be here. My skin isn't as good as I first thought. What if they want me in hospital? I've already ran into staff that hate me, could you imagine being on the ward, how shit that would be?? I can't handle it. I can't handle this.

[Wonderland.]

Hopefully they can treat your skin as an outpatient.

Remember you are not going to be there for that long, just for your appointment.

If they think you need to be in hospital to treat, isn't it up to you whether you go in or not?

[fragile as glass]

It is rare to get admitted to dermatology.

[when.will.it.end]

I've been admitted three times plus already.

Dermatologist didn't say much. Focus was on starting this new treatment which starts tomorrow. I oversaw a letter from the on call doc to the dermo nurse about my mum and me from when I went to a&e with it. I'm stressed but at least I can get the fuck out of here now.

[Wonderland.]

I'm hope the new treatment helps!

Can you go home now and try and relax?

[when.will.it.end]

At home now. Trying to watch Harry potter but keep crying. Spoke to my cpn briefly.'got CPA tomorrow which I'm dreading. Just don't have the strength for it. I'm exhausted.

[fragile as glass]

You need to go and have some strength and fight for what you want and need in you. CPA's are the main place that big changes can happen and they don't come around very often. Make the most of it. Write a list of requests and/or questions you want answered if that will stop you forgetting something important and/or keep your stress levels down. Break it down, it is a meeting, thats all, and you can take family or friend to support you. Good luck.

[when.will.it.end]

CPA went ok. Mum advocated for me well, I'm lucky to have her. Not sure what concrete plans came out of it, apart from the need to do a crisis plan, but hopefully they understand more about what it's like for me now. Cpn doesn't really get the distress that the passing out causes me. Anyway, I'm absolutely exhausted today. Got another appointment then going back to Brigid to sleep. Still haven't self harmed or anything. And I checked with student finance and I'm entitled to funding to finish my final year which is great and a load off my mind. Going to have a duvet day tomorrow.

[fragile as glass]

Me too! Glad your CPA went ok.

[[Luna]]

Glad your CPA went okay, I know how much you were dreading it. I'm glad your mum was able to advocate on your behalf. It's a real help to have someone fighting your corner.

Stay safe xx