divine5wilderness,
Sorry for the assumption...
Grounding, mindfulness, all that takes loads of practice.
We learnt a lot of that stuff in hospital. One of the things the staff/therapists said was that it can be extremely helpful to practice them while you are in an OK place - not distressed. So when you are distressed and need to use them they will be second nature and you will be much more efficient at them.
This was a great hint for us, because it can be so difficult to concentrate when you are distressed, let alone trying to put a technique in practice that you don't really know how to do - or haven't yet mastered.
Scath,
You will probably be (if our pathetic mathematical calculations are correct) away from the house now; and we're glad. We're sorry there was yelling and general distress; often our protectors get very restless and irritated when they feel helpless and like they can't protect. They feel as if they've failed - but they haven't. They do an incredible job of looking after us, but they just can't protect us from everything. That's the part they can't accept.
Becci,
Still thinking of you, hoping things are Ok... *sending care and warmth*
Chris,
How are you? We miss you....Thinking of you and also (sorry to be repetitive) *sending care and warmth*
Facet,
Are you around? We miss your input around here, you are great to have here. But we understand that you might need time away (or even not to return, if that's what you have chosen) but we wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and we truly hope things are travelling well for you
_____
We have T in an hour and 20 minutes.
We really need her to help; though we have no clue what she can do for us. The lack of sleep and expected lack of energy is ploughing us into the ground physically, let alone psychologically. We have a consistent sense of unsafety and we are extremely hypervigilant, which is further draining our already rapidly diminishing energy...
Can't get a hold on what is going on inside - and i's driving the few of us who are around bonkers trying to figure it out. It's not that it's quiet or unusual, it feels as if it is.... shifting? It's all chaotic and unsettled, but in an extremely uncomfortable; bordering painful way.
More lost time; which is common, but no helpful traces have been left in the wake of the switches. All the more confusing and frightening.
In our external world there is good news and movement.
We are moving in to our new place this weekend!!
Our friend is being discharged from hospital today and will be staying there with her father (long story) for the rest of the week (bar perhaps tonight, where ourselves, her and the other girl whom we are sharing with) will have what she called a 'slumber party' :P:D
So that should be fun :D
Mother is sick -cold/flu type thing. So she's staying at home and seeing the doc, which also means she's away from work; where her painful colleague is causing a fuss, behaving like a spolit brat in a sand pit 'cause mother has the bucket. (love that!) It's driving her insane, because the higher ups won't do anything about it.
Anyhow, that's out rant. Sorry about the crazy length.
Take good, gentle care of all yourselves.
lostboys
hi hazel :)
thats a very natural defence mechanism *nods* so nothing to be scared of. There are ways of grounding yourself a bit.. links and such.. want me to have a look for you? and maybe try to recognise when youre starting to feel like that so you can get somewhere safe or tell someone you trust
lostboys, thats great about moving! :D try not to second guess yourself about the chaotic stuff, I hope T can help
hazel, i've found touching myself particularly helpful, especially if its a part you can really grip all the way around, like wrists or ankles, or put your palm flat on, like your stomach. it makes them feel more real if that makes sense :)
my friend asked me to move in with him and as soon as i realised how much safer i would be, all i can think of is how long i will have to wait.. i'm thinking of trying to move in with another friend for a year, she's at university so has a massive loan and really doesnt want to live at home so i think she'd be so grateful we wouldnt have to give her much money.
none of us are safe in this town, maybe in this county. but living with people would be scary
shadow-light, i don't have parts or anything but i still dissociate. so you're totally welcome on here. :) i hate that when your body feels like it's on auto-pilot. it's so hard to deal with.
bobbiwib,
For me, it's just something I've done all my life - it feels a little like jumping backwards into darkness when I do it consciously... when others push me inside then it's like *blink* and I'm back in there. Either way it's really quick. If you wanted to try going inside you could perhaps visualise travelling 'in', maybe by sinking or flying or walking away from the external world.
lostboys,
Xander (a protector) is exactly like that. He does so much for us, but there's always 'one more threat' that he can't get rid of. I wish he could see just how much he's succeeded at.
Hope T went okay for you all.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
scath - I cant do it consciously. I used to be able to make myself pass out, well I probably still can but I don't try it any more.. It was like if I overloaded I could just flip a switch and it would all go black. Then I'd feel different when I woke up (I now realise that I probably woke up as Charlie)
shadow-light, sounds like what they say i suffer from, its called depersonalization. have a googly search about, theres loads of useful sites on the net with tips on coping and such.
hope your all doing well
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
ye! depersonalisation and derealisation were the 2 that my doctor mentioned, I should probably bother googling them... just haven't gotten round to it... which I know is a rubbish excuse...
keep disociating.. in and out inand out in and out...
dont like it making me feel... seasick? i dont know. sounds retarded. we are retarded though.. being sent off for aspergers test.. but dreading it.. dont know what answer i want i dont want anything else wrong with us
does anyone notice psychotic symptoms along with dissociation? it seems that happens to me. started dissociating then voices told me to go to a coffee shop. i did it. nothing happened. but i can't help but feel a little bit scared. not to mention my car almost didn't start outside the coffee shop.
lostboys... been pretty rough physically and it seems to just keep going but otherwise ok thank you. love it that you're getting a new space, which i hope lets you really settle, grow and breathe
Facet... just a big, warm cuddle from me to you because you are lovely and because i actually give a damn about how you're doing and think about you often and wonder how you're doing. no pressure to respond but a hope that you're at least ok
Sorry I've been slow to reply. Been having a really rough time dealing with increasing flashbacks. It's so overwhelming, and all the confusing feelings that come with it which I won't go into, because I posted it in the A&B forum already and don't want to take up space. Waking up on the floor sobbing after flashbacks and losing time. Very emotionally drained.
BB and Slacker - thank you both for your checking in, I really truly appreciate the both of you and your kind words, so so much. I am really happy for you about moving into your new place, BB, and I hope things begin looking up in the safety realm of things. Take care, both of you. I'll try to be around more :)
Hey everyone,
Sorry we haven't been around much, hope things are OK ((((care and warmth))))
Spent the past 3 nights at the new place :D:D (internet hasn't been set-up there yet).
It's awesome, love it. staying at the parents place tonight 'cause the plan was to take the remnants over there tomorrow, but we're a little worried 'cause ash's mum and our step dad are having a fight, it seemed the same as usual until ash's mum screeched 'you have stepped over the line!' among other stuff.
Had the art therapy group today, but was feeling so absolutely **** it wasn't funny. We were feeling like... like no one cared, like we were worthless and pathetic, atop the thick cloud of depression, insane lack of sleep, and internal cacophony....
We managed to stay conscious for 3 hours of the group, did some writing which we might post later, but had so had enough when it got to the art bit that we conked out.
Nightmares last night. Woke up and had to keep us all silent being in the same room as other people and all. Little are kicking up a fuss, crying and such for most of the part today and I have a headache the size of the world. I'm worried... my sister was asking if I was having a fit last night 'cause of the bed shaking... I hate flashbacks.
Feel like crying myself, but I gotta be strong, gotta keep us going until there's no place left to go.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I am trying to become involved in NAMI's "In Our Own Voice", which allows individuals with psychiatric illnesses to give presentations to live audiences about their illness and answer questions...basically fighting stigma. I emailed my state representative to find out how to become involved - it says you have to go through 16 hours of training about how to go about the presentations, but I think it's worth it if it means I can get the word out about DID.
theres a little girl. seffy. she wanted to be called Persephone or Leaf. she seems scary
she is 9 years old and she is part of a system with lottie i think, because they talk to each other. lottie says seffy is shallow and ginger and vapid. seffy says lottie is irritable and patronising and grey. i think theyre friends though. 10 year olds are too complicated at the best of times :( in this situation, theyre impossible
10 year olds are complicated... maybe they will settle down in time, possibly only as steffy is new that she's being noisy and her and lottie aren't getting on
