The Borderline Personality Disorder Thread

[hellz]

i told my mum i wasnt feeling well but she abroad so she got my granny to come into the house im sitting with blood all over my arms and walls. think i might be going to the hospital i totally dont need this right now.

[Left in the centre]

hellz - your obviously not very safe though... sounds like your in a really difficult place tonight so mayb hosp is best if even jsut to check yourself over.

hope everyone else is ok and or asleep now.

ive been away all weekend so i'll catch up slowly tomorrow with whats going on

hugs to all
x

[hellz]

Didnt get treated like **** at a and e this time. Got myself all steri striped and cleaned up. Only problem is im now in the psych hospital not been on this ward for years its horrid being back. cant be bothered with inpatient treatment doesnt do any gd at all. And im already feeling like im trapped but know a few good escape routes in this place! Anyway take care everyone i'll be in touch at some point x x

[hellz]

Argh I hate hospitals just want out of here and they have no valid reasons to keep me in but of course that doesnt matter. I also hid a blade on me but its too early to use it they'll catch on. Is it just me or do psych wards turn people insane? X x

[x-dying-inside-x]

i know what you mean hunny but you need to be safe and maybe its the best place for you atm!

try let them help u chick u dont deserve to feel this way

how r u dani x

[x-dying-inside-x]

I'm not feeling too good, i couldn't sleep thinking of chris last night.

I'm not feeling safe, i've got a gp appointment at 11 to get meds so i'm going to tell him i don't feel safe because i dont wanna hurt myself but then i really wanna do it! I've not cut for over four weeks and im trying so hard!
You ok hunny?
xxx

well done on not cutting for 4 weeks thats awesome. yh u shud tell him get bit more support chick x

my cpn just phoned and was like i messed up wth the room booking can u cum later so now i have allday to worry bout it.

[x-dying-inside-x]

Try not to worry hunny!

I've got to get ready togo doctors but i'll be back later!
xxx

k gd luck chick xx

[hellz]

4 weeks thats ace dani. Hope it goes well at the docs. I know the feeling cheryl im stressing about speakin to the psych shortly. X x

k chick just be honest with them that way they can help

[Bleeding Angel]

Well done danielle, 4 weeks is great. Hope the rest of you are ok and hellz you should be honest, esp about having a balde on you.

I got my uni issue sorted, it turned out to be bad timeing. They said that the uni hadnt gotten back to ucas about my place as they where just about to do so and ucas got in there first saying i didnt have a place anymore. They are going to talk to ucas and get it sorted so i still have my place. Ugh i feel like an idiot though for worrying so much about it though.

Anyway for my GOOD NEWS which i would have said on sat but was too busy worrying, its been decided im going to go for my grade 1 piano, it wont be til november though as the exams only take place three times a year and i wont be ready in time for the june one :)

neone wud have worried chick i think u coped really well tbh i wud have been a complete mess. thats really gd chick hope u do really well. xxx

[Bleeding Angel]

Im not sure how im going to work lessons out with going back to dundee but il think about that nearer the time. The exam scares me though i have to play three peices of music, do an aural test, be able to play four scales and my worst one - sight read. It will take alot of time so i hope i can improve and start going up in the grades.

i sure ull get it all sorted chick have confidence

[hellz]

Am so glad u got uni sorted hun. And its fab that ur doing ur piano exams.

Me- still havent spoken to psych and im terrified about it. An hour feels like a decade in this place. Hopefully gettin a bit of smoke this afternoon then i'll be sorted. Stoned is the only way I can handle this place. want to use my blade so bad too

[Left in the centre]

hellz - i understand your struggling right now but your in a psych ward getting stoned and hiding blades.... mybe its time to stop fighting the psychs and working with them ?

mari - hope uni sorts itself out and good news is always a nice change :)

me - todays not feeling right i guess it feels kind of pointless everything is methodical - easy to follow off my to do list... but i gues sits a lack of motivation and numbness today

[hellz]

I'd rather fight them and be myself rather than giving into the way they want me to be. I dont trust them,never have never will. I mite be messed up but I wont become part of the machine

[Hollz]

Hellz - I really hope you are doing okay and talking to them, they just want to support and help you hun

Mari - glad you got uni sorted

Sarah - hope you okay hunni

Cheryl - good luck with your cpn, will speak to you later

Dani - ((hugs)) hope your doing okay today

Rowie - hope that your doing okay as well today

***

Moi - well got discharged from hospital about an hour ago, so I am back at the flat, fun fun, the IHTT and my CPN are coming over between 2-4, so just need to sit here and wait for them, fun fun fun

I'm still not in a great place, started drinking, wanna gamble but i really don't have any money to hand right now, fun fun fun