Also forgot >.<
Irene, Im back on oxazepam (30mg) (and still 300mg of quetiapine at bed). They were giving me awful nightmares the first few night (woke H up, yelling, etc) but I dont remember them...now just 'weird' dreams, but sleeping better than i was.
wait... dude you're in pa april? o.O
what uni? [pm me if dont wanna say in here lol]
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Yes, is a benzo..so wont be on it long. Which is a shame, because it works so well. He wasnt there the day I went, it was another doc and she gave it tome cos its in my file...i dont think he would have, not sure...
He is very hesitant with benzos, which is rather nice (and proper!) as i had an issue with a benzo addiction; was left on it for 8 YEARS! Crazy. I still crave it occasionally, tbh.
The quetiapine was very good at knocking me out, but I went up to 700mg at bedtime, and only got the muscle cramps (always happens with an increase!) so in the bath at 3 AM, half stoned and sore....actually dozed off in the bath, not good!
25mg used to make me loopy, lol.
What are you taking now? I forget...
If he wont let me stay on oxaz. I will maybe ask him about trazadone again...but im already on an AD, so i dont know...
Yes, is nice having them home. So might as well take advantage of it. Am off to get my bloods done (for the anaemia) and my shoulder X-rayed. Am rather nervous with tthe xray results...not sure what they can do with it. i dont fancy another surgery!
Oh well...back later.
xx
Sorry Irene, I wasn't trying to be critical. I do understand what you mean, being supportive can suck a lot of energy out of a person.
This was the first counsellor I ever saw, when I was about 14. It stopped me getting help for ages after that. I don't have any contact with mental health professionals atm, but was under the care of a psychologist and psychiatrist a few years ago (before I moved).
Sorry to hear about the **** up with the doctors. That must be very frustrating. I'm glad you're sleeping well though, Romp
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Getting support is... tricky. There are potential issues with 'fitness to practice', similar to if I was in the medical profession. Also, I have managed the last few years without any, and have been okay throughout, and I'm going away for a month soon so there's no point looking for any now. I have this place, if necessary
I'm thinking about seeing my GP when I get back though. Especially with the stress of finals, and the fact that I've been feeling a bit 'off' recently. Not completely unwell, but not quite well either. Don't know. Meh.
Romp, if more surgery is the best thing for you, then perhaps it's what you need. If you really don't want it, then tell the doctor and you should be able to come to a compromise - ultimately, it's your shoulder; they only advise
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Hi Kerry, it's nice to see you back again! Sorry you've been feeling low. Australia day sounds exciting! Have you had fireworks?
I'm not really sure what you mean, Irene. I think I'll be fine when I start working; I can be professional and I'd know if I was too unwell to practice, I just don't want there to be any 'potential' issues. I don't know, it's difficult. I'd have ready access to lots of pharmacological agents, for example. I hope it isn't ever going to be an issue. Damn it, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say at all. I want so badly to just be FINE and not have to worry about getting ill again, I really thought I wouldn't get ill again, that is was sorted for the rest of my life. How stupid and naive.
****. Sorry. I'm feeling realyl insecure.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Thanks Irene :) the hospital has been calling me every 2nd day (its something that my psychologist put in place cause she was going away) so i told them about the meds. They just said to keep taking them and it will just take time. they tend to hype me up now for a bit but then i cant sleep at night. Im going to talk to the doctor about it i think.
We arent doing anything today really. My son goes back to school tomorrow after 7 weeks of holidays. So i have books to cover today, washing to do etc. its super hot here so it will all dry in under an hour. Might take the kids somewhere a bit later. Ive just been trying to distract myself with the kids so i dont think about anything else at the moment.
i had a really bad dream where i lost my little girl and i went through all these rooms in this huge house trying to find her. i found her outside but she looked like she had been injured and just stared at me without speaking. She couldnt physically talk anymore. It was really haunting. i woke up, really scared. It just reminded me of myself and i thought ''ive tried so hard to protect her and now she is hurt like me''. i cant stop thinking about the dream :(
Ange, I agree with Irene, that must've been awfully upsetting to have such an incompetant therapist!! I hope that when I get to being a therapist, I will be able to deal with what my clients "throw at me" (hopefully figuratively!! lol)... right now though, I think I need to toughen up my skin (once again, hopefully figuratively) so I'm not as sensitive. Although perhaps some of that sensitivity is what will make me a good therapist? I don't know.
Kerry, I'm sorry about the nightmare... that must've been awful!! Since I've not had kids & plan not to, I can't totally understand, but I can a little bit. *gentle hugs* And 7 weeks of holidays? Summer hols, I guess, actually... I keep forgetting you're in a different hemisphere from me, lol. :) How're you doing today/tonight?
I just got up about half an hour ago... first thing I do is come on here. :) Well, after meds, vitamins, & getting ready for the day... anyway. I used to drink coffee while posting at my favorite forums, but that kind of slipped after anxiety got so bad. :( I miss my coffee... decaf just isn't the same. I can't believe that I used to be addicted to caffeine pills (200mg caffeine per pill!!).
Today's going to be an okay day I think. I hope. I have class from 1-3:45pm, but that's it... all morning to do schoolwork, which is good. :) Then I have a NP appt in the evening, which should be okay... although I am going to tell her that my therapist told me that I'm "not sick anymore" ... wish I understood my head better because I'm still as angry at my therapist as I was yesterday... never want to see her again, lol. I'm such a mixed up person.
*hides in embarrassment*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Well, I had a therapy appt yesterday & in it my therapist told me that I'm not sick anymore, and that because of her saying that, she expects a lot of texts this next week about how I want to cut/purge or how many times I have cut/purged... which I considered to be a very insensitive comment and rather cruel. I don't know. She said that since I'm not sick anymore, she's not going to treat me as if I am... yet I have a question... if I'm "not sick anymore" then why do I still feel like ****? why do I still have flashbacks? why are my moods not stable? why is my anxiety through the ****ing roof?
Hell, I am still angry, I'm sorry for the language, it's just that the anger is so hot & burning that I have to get it out somehow... hope that makes some sense...
I don't know, Irene... my therapist has never been manipulative before but maybe it's changed now that she's getting sick of working with me. (Didn't say that but that's what I think.) Also... if I am "not sick anymore" then do I even need therapy? do I need to go back?
I HATE THIS.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
It does feel like she dismissed my feelings. I feel now like I'm not "entitled" to feel ill or stressed or shitty. Instead I've got to "be okay" & smile & be happy... facade that it will be. I really don't want to see her again... but then again maybe she's right, and I've been malingering? I don't know, & it's all very frustrating!! :(
How're you feeling, Irene? any better?
And I agree with Irene, Katie... good that you have the day off if you're that exhausted. I hope you get rested up some.
Just posted a recent pic of me in "Faces of RYL" thread, page 15 I think? if anyone cares to look. I know I have one in my profile but it's not very easy to see my face... heh.
*hides*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Yeh, I probably will see her again... Jarrod (husband) thinks that I need to have someone to (to borrow your term) "thrash out my feelings with" other than him and my friends. I.e., he still thinks I need professional help yet am on the mend rather than being ill. I honestly don't know what to think... it's all so frustrating!!
I don't know if I'm malingering or not... I honestly don't. I cut for the relief/release, but I also cut so people can see that I'm hurting on the inside... my expression of hurting on the inside. But I don't do it and go off & show off my cuts or whatever... I'm not an attention-seeker. Does that make any sense? There's a fine line between attention-seeking cutting & what I'm doing (at times) I think. Ugh.
Personal gain, as far as staying ill - more attention (passively "looking" for it >_< not actively being an attention-seeker) & fewer responsibilities (although I can't think of anything that I'm NOT doing now that I would be doing were I truly well).
I don't know. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Ahh I see. Yeh, there's no real benefit in terms of societal things that I get from being ill. In fact, there's stigmatization that I have to endure etc... well, haven't as of yet, but probably will have to eventually. Dunno about that though.
I agree with you also about self injury. :) You expressed it better than I could.
Thanks for the compliment. :) I feel awfully fat when I look at that picture but it's one of the better ones...
I haven't personally noticed a lot on RYL about attention-seeking but I have no doubt that it's there... enough people seeing that being seriously ill gets a lot of attention... especially in the younger groups. Not only, I'm sure, but moreso there.
Don't feel good. Mentally. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*cuddles back* Thanks again... I really am overweight but will hopefully be losing that weight... need to get down to a sensible weight again. Been gaining ever since I got married (October 2008) & have no idea why - diet hasn't changed or anything. :( Maybe more stress so more cortisol? dunno.
*sigh*
How're you doing? Hope you're not feeling too ill at the mo. ♥
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Yeh, I remember learning about stress & metabolism when I was in treatment for my ED... very stressful that was, eheh, knowing that if I got stressed I could easily gain weight. :-X That's probably what's happened as it's not been a super easy year & a half (close to, anyway). Nothing bad in the marriage, thank God, but outside factors have been less than easy.
Prettyful Irene, too. *hugs*
What do you mean by "gnarly"? :P
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Awh, yeh, I've been sedentary too - but that's changing now... I hope!! heh. I'm having difficulty getting time in with my schedule being as it is, & just not WANTING to do it... so GRRRR. :(
Mum's here now, yey... and I found out how to do one of my uni assignments so I'm working on that too... but will be going shopping in a bit once I'm done with this. :)
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Sorry about last night Irene, me feeling insecure wasn't to do with what you wrote at all. There are always nagging doubts at the back of my mind about whether or not I can hack it. I always associate gnarly as old! I was thinking, 'she's not THAT old!'
April, it sounds like your therapist is being exceptionally unhelpful. Could you tell her how her comment made you feel? Perhaps she meant it in a particular way and it's been misinterpreted (not sure how myself, but it would give her a chance to explain and make amends?). I didn't know that about being stressed and weight, it's interesting. I always find weight drops off me (and not in a good way) when I'm stressed, but it tends to affect my eating so that's probably why.
I am off to see photos. I may even post one myself...
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
