Hey guys, how is everyone? I really should be writing an essay that should have been handed in when I was in hospital but I just can't concentrate or motivate myself to do it. Not fun.
I have spent all day in bed, didn't go to the office and now I have no meds for tonight, as I didn't make the chemist - how much of an idiot am I, not going to be able to sleep tonight now.
I need to buy wine now, in the slim hope it will get me to sleep later. Anyhow, I need to go get changed, going to get some fast food, go pick up sally n go t meeting, cannot be arsed though.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Just got result of that essay from the other week I had to do, 72% which is okay, shame I aint done the next one.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Hope everyone is okay. I'm a bit low tonight and have no meds, just opened the wine, its the only thing that might help me sleep later.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
I was going to phone you when I came out my meeting to see if you had any meds I could borrow, but then I was like no point, I'll end up getting lost or that.
I am either going to be up or night or the wine might help, I dnt wanna be up all night.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
im fuming. i dont often get angry and im absolutely livid.
for no apparent reason.
all thats going through my head are the bloody flashbacks. that no one will fecking talk to me about... idiots. whats the point of therapy.
i could kill myself.. but i wont. ive got an essay in in a week.
i could cut.. but i wont because i'll be damned if im gonan fit the bpd sterotype they keep insisting i am.
instead im gonna eat an orange and just break down.. not in hospital, not with stitches.. its not like anyone would give a damn.
i even tried to call a friend, i even told a friend and their pissing useless...
what is the point.. no one can help me
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Sarah - how are you feeling? I hope you managed to get through the night safely.
Cheryl - that's tricky, I know that happens to me sometimes. If there is stuff you want to bring up and you know it at the moment, could you write it down and take it with you as a little reminder? Hope you feel brighter soon :) x
I'm finding life soo hard atm i don't even know how i get out of bed in the mornings.
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Fukkit, missed my gp appt this morning, she wanted to check up on me after the weekend, I went to bed, lay there for about 12 hours, not sure if i really slept, on and off maybe.
I need to go and pick up my meds, but I wanna take them all. Crisis team phoned me there while I was typing, they want me to phone my cpn or gp to tell them, and see if they can do anything wth my meds, at the same time though, i could just go and get the tablets.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Is there any point to any of this, i mean the overdosing and the cutting, maybe its harder for me to relate to you all now because im somewhat passed that or it has been so long. At some point your all going to have to want to get better, to try, and i know it isnt easy, its hard, but all of this it doesnt acheive anything, ok so it may make you feel better, but what about the damage, the scars, that always hiding and being sneaky around other people, never being honest about how you feel.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
daniella - i know is difficult but the feelings will pass, you have to keep working through them. dont let them win andkeep you in bed.. its onlygoing to make you feel worse.
hollz- make sur you re arrange your gp appointment. its a good thing your still in touch with the crisis team.
mari- the point i think .. is that it helps for thatmoment. i think everyone individually has to get to a point where they can look long term and go.. ok it would help now but would make everything else worse.
me - got through the night like i knew i would - safely -
went to my lecture and saw my support worker - normal live continues.
i told my support worker about last night was nice to have someone on my side.... just feeling out of it today like nothing really fits
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
