At the moment I'm rather, what in DID terms [although I don't have DID in full] is termed 'switchy' - flickering in and out of child feeling state and intense self protective state and adult functioning state. I'm doing my best to stay with it all.
I freaked out last night. I sent a message on RYL, but it wasn't me, it was Victoria, and then she deleted it, because she felt ashamed of herself, and I was so dissassociated but I was watching it all.
I was so scared. I could have hurt myself.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
slowly reading through all the messages.. its taking some time but its a real comfort having this thread here... feeling really grateful i'm not alone here with this kinda stuff
It means so much to me when my therapist describes what happens with me, using dissociation-trauma connected language. I do need that validation over and over again, it seems...
i'm pretty certain i don't have any alternative personalities etc but i do sometimes feel, (and this is the only wasy i fell i can describe it) "not with it". Its like i just zone out and i'm not there. well i know i am but i still get these feelings of not being here. god that sounds weird to say. i've never told anyone bout it before. I think when i SI i end up like that. Like i'm not with it..like i'm not doing it.
:(
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
I understand what you mean, zoning out and not being there.
Dunno what it could be though, sorry. Just wanted to let you know you certainly aren't alone.
Bleh. I've been so..."switchy" is the only word I can think of, the last few days.
Like, switching between me, micheal and sally every few minutes... It seems to have calmed down a little today, I just don't know what to do, it's not conducive to being able to live properly.
I often feel unreal, that I'm not quite here. Less so now, through therapy, but occasionally I catch myself and even say to myself 'Who is this person called Katie? Does she exist?' It's part of the whole dissociation-as-a-defence. It's called depersonalisation, and is a dissociative illness.
I'd suggest dialoguing with each of them, and finding out why they're coming forward more frequently, if you can.
yeah, i can relate to the zoning out/derealization... and switching sucks at times and i agree with upping communication between folks if you can... i'm still moving towards journaling so co-separate parts can talk to eachother (including me!!)
great book - 'stranger in the mirror' by marlene steinberg.. really describes dissociative stuff well
When my dissociative disorder was...I guess...starting?...it started with feeling unreal and like I didn't exist. I can remember feeling that way when I was really little.
Does anyone else see things in the ceilings or on patterned carpets? My ceiling isn't smooth, it has bumps and such, and I can remember being afraid to look up because I'll see faces and animals and such and they're all moving and alive. Anything with a pattern can do that to me. That's why I have a lot of posters covering up my ceiling now. Even though the posters have stuff on them, at least I know they're meant to.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
i freaked out the other day cos i saw a face on a train, like when the train was pulling into the staion i saw it. tho i dont think ive seen things before.
i realised that a few years ago there was an incident where i SI'd really badly, but i had no memory of it. really not feeling myself right now :(
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
