That does really help. It's strange because I'm not even always equating things to autism, but I'm so self conscious about it all. I'm going to be honest and say I genuinely wasn't sure I'd be diagnosed, and it's messing me up that according to the report I even kind of 'look' autistic? I don't know, I know it's going to be such a good thing in the long run but right now, all the feelings.
None of my family know about the diagnosis yet. My dad knew I had an assessment but doesn't seem very interested and my mother and sister might find out eventually, but not through me.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
My dad reacts really badly to mine too. Sometimes feel like he’s ashamed to have a daughter with disabilities and all the support I get from Claire and other people. The only way he has ever been there for me is financially (which I am grateful for as I wouldn’t have my flat without his help) but in every other way he’s pretty useless. Wish I could rely on him like I could my mum but just have to accept things the way they are, as hard as I’m finding that.
I was sorry to hear there wasn’t much around in your area in terms of support. Hopefully the groups help. What did they suggest you do to help with your sensory issues, if anything? I’ve been referred to an occupational therapist but have been waiting nearly 2 years already.
Also, what is an autistic person meant to look like?!
Last edited by The Worst Witch : 31-07-2022 at 06:33 PM.
I’ll probably tell my dad at some point, it just hasn’t come up really. I doubt he’ll get how important it is but he won’t take it badly or anything, it’ll just be another ‘thing’. My mum and sister are another story, but also not currently a problem. I’ll talk to my therapist I think about support, and see if she has any suggestions.
I think I probably worded it wrong when I said about ‘looking autistic’, I was trying to convey that it was apparently quite obvious to a trained person because of certain mannerisms? That I am now painfully aware of :’)
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I get what you mean - it is obvious to me when a kid is autistic because of my training (and my own experiences). Sometimes we have to refer for diagnosis ourselves if parents aren’t aware.
This weekend has felt like a year, its just been 72 hours of pure unrelenting stress. This is GSA so won’t go into too much detail, but basically I’m trying to keep my head above water and am sinking fast. Tomorrow isn’t looking any less stressful either.
Camden, if you don’t feel like telling your family I wouldn’t imagine you have to. On reflection, it was probably a mistake telling my dad but can’t go back in time unfortunately.
I haven't ever been assessed because my therapist who diagnosed me said it was obvious to her once she had gotten to know me, and that an assessment wasn't necessary.
I think it is obvious to other humans if I go out in public that there is something... off about me? I don't know a good way to put it. I did not know this until only a few years ago but I think it just is what it is. I have never been much bothered with what others think anyways.
Ali, feel free to PM or email if you want to talk.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I didn't read everything but wanted to offer my take on i.e. the increase on sensory issues. Disclaimer: I am not actually diagnosed and at best in the very early stages of getting an assessment sorted. This is also just my personal experience and might not be relevant to other people.
With sensory issues, especially noise, I only picked up about a year/year and a half ago that it was something I was experiencing/had always experienced. And the longer I thought about it/looked back at specific situations, the more I realised how much of my anxiety, especially my social anxiety, was at its worst in situations when there would be a lot of background noise that I would struggle to filter out.
I did definitely and still am feeling like being aware of it increases how frequently I experience this. At the same time, the situations that I do that in are often ones that I am or used to be super anxious in. My theory is that a lot of my anxiety is caused by sensory overload and for a really long time I was unaware. Now that I am more aware of the overload I have more options to manage it. I.e. if I randomly feel very anxious and I can't identify a specific trigger the first thing I do is to check if I am hot and just didn't take notice of it. Or are there a lot of noises around me and can I counteract that somehow etc?
So in a way it can be helpful to be more aware because it shifts the attention from unspecified anxiety to a specific issue that (sometimes) is easier to act on.
That does make sense Lana. I think being aware of what is causing the most difficulty in the moment is really useful, and I'm kind of the same - it's only recently I've realised quite how much sensory stuff affects me. I guess it's a learning curve.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I can recommend looking into Auditory Processing Disorder stuff- my nephew got diagnosed with it so I looked into it to understand what he is experiencing. I've always been aware that our emotional dysregulation and behavioral/interpersonal difficulties overlap to a huge extent, but didn't expect to add this one to my list tbh. But it made a lot of things make sense.
Auditory Processing Disorder also tends to be comorbid with ADHD/Autism, so it might be helpful to understand it and look into coping strategies for it.
I found out recently that I am autistic. I am awaiting a proper diagnosis now.
I have so many questions and yet so many things make sense now!
The one thing I can't shake is this feeling of loss as if all of my mental health issues, addiction and self harm could have been avoided had I been diagnosed as a child. But I keep telling myself that likely would not have been the case as I also have BPD and DID. But maybe it would have been a lot easier.
~* Don't you dare surrender *~
Don't leave me here without you
Cause I could never
~* Replace your perfect imperfection *~
If you get a proper diagnosis, you may want to consider asking to be reassessed for BPD. There's a lot of overlap between BPD and autism, so it's possible that some of the things attributed to BPD are actually covered by autism.
I think all of us can relate to the feelings of loss and grief about how things could have been if we had been diagnosed and supported earlier in life. It sucks. A lot. Because while we will never know, it's also true that the support and knowledge that exists now didn't exist 10, 15 years ago.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I've heard and read a lot about it! I've looked over that already before and the BPD diagnosis is still very accurate for me. That said, I believe that autism could be a part of what intensified the BPD so much when I didn't know what was happening to/with me at the time. But the more I read about the overlaps, the more both make sense.
That's true that the current knowledge/supports didn't exist back then and I think it's sad but also makes me feel a little bit better in that I probably wouldn't have been diagnosed earlier than now anyway.
~* Don't you dare surrender *~
Don't leave me here without you
Cause I could never
~* Replace your perfect imperfection *~
It makes sense that autism could absolutely influence and intensify BPD, and it can also impact trauma too (i.e DID like you mentioned). I know I personally had my bpd diagnosis dropped before I was diagnosed as autistic, but it's because they were replacing it with something else wrong lol.
I think on one hand I am glad I did not get diagnosed until later as my family would not have dealt with it well, but I also wish it had been earlier because then a lot of the bad experiences I have had, especially with regards to mental health treatment would probably not have occurred.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I am so sick of professionals writing me off as depressed. It just seems like a way to try to shift the blame onto me for their inability to meet my needs support wise. I know most of us are in different countries but does anyone have any idea what to try to get more support?
Also is anyone familiar with getting or using AAC devices? I think it could be good but I cannot afford one on my own.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
It does often feel like professionals try to blame their patients when the intervention they offered didn't work/wasn't enough, and I'm sorry they're making you feel that way, it sucks.
I wish I had advice, but my only suggestion is to see if there are any online groups you could join? I'm just learning what is available over here, the National Autistic Society have a relatively busy forum, and I think there are a few users from the US, I don't know if that's something you could look at? Again I don't know what support you have access to/what is financially viable, and I know you've had therapy and coaching (I don't know if you still do), are there any lower cost services around?
Are you still studying? Does your uni/college have any services available? I don't know about AAC, and I don't know how it works in the US, but here we have Disabled Student's Allowance, which students with disabilities and additional needs can access. We don't normally receive money, but assistive technology and mentoring can be paid for via DSA.
Sorry, I know none of that is much use, but I hope somebody offers you appropriate support soon.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I am technically still in school. My uni doesn't have anything I can access, no. Way back when I was in undergrad I got kicked out of the campus clinic so it is not an option. Their only other service they offer is short term (i.e. 3 sessions or less) counseling which they have also told me is inappropriate for my needs (obviously lol).
Do not have a therapist human anymore. Do have a coach human but they have been sick so we have not been able to meet with them for the last month or so.
Will try looking up online groups. I have read some stuff on twitter, which is how I found out about both coaching and AAC, but right now twitter is too hard to handle with all the awful current news things.
Thank you.
Also to be clear - I am not depressed. I am incredibly burnt out, overwhelmed, and unsupported. Which is not at all the same, but it just seems like they are saying I am depressed to basically put all the blame on me.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Can L help you look into these things? I know they helped find the therapist human you did have, could they help with looking for AAC equipment? It depends on what you need it for - in my experience, I’ve mostly had to pay myself but coach human might have some ideas on how to access this?
Sorry this isn’t overly helpful, just a few ideas I had off the top of my head. Feel free to ignore if none of them are any use.
L is not our friend anymore, so no. Coach human does not live in our country so is not really familiar with how stuff works here or resources either. Most of what they have suggested that we have looked at resource wise is not stuff that exists in our area. Which sucks.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
