Positive recovery post - 4 years baby!

[tamobhuuta]

is there something else that's helped in the past?

[not_so_insig]

I ended up taking a load of prn in the end.

The feeling has subsided a bit but god only knows how much longer it will last. My cpn is coming tomorrow afternoon.

[Sketchy]

I hope your cpn is able to help you today.

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Lorraine. She came and because she works part time she is going to get another nurse to phone me when she's off.

She said that I was doing the right things.

[Sketchy]

You are doing the right things. You are trying hard to fight this, which isn't easy, so you should be proud of that. It's good the other nurse will phone. Hopefully you will soon get used to the other nurse and it gives you that extra bit of support for when your cpn is off.

[tamobhuuta]

i'm glad you have someone to call when your cpn is away. how has today been?

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Lorraine. My cpn says that I am doing well because in the past I would have SIED by now. I said that I am fighting this because I want to get to four and a half years free. Also I am scared that should I SI then I know that I won't stop and it will become a daily thing. I like to think that I have learnt new coping techniques . I really thought I was over this but my cpn says that alcoholics have times when they nearly fall off the wagon. She said that SI is an addiction just like alcohol is.

Tamobhuuta: I am not too bad today. But I find that I am better during the week than the weekends because I have more distraction. My cpn said to take the colouring books with me over the weekend and if my mum says anything to ask her what I prefer that I tried to kill myself instead? My cpn said she likes to colour but she finds that the adult colouring books too complicated so she colours the kiddies books lol.

[tamobhuuta]

I get that. i'm glad colouring helps.

[Sketchy]

Could you take sketchbooks to your parents if they give you a hard time over colouring? Although, there is nothing wrong with colouring and you shouldn't be made to feel otherwise. I know you enjoy painting and drawing, so perhaps having that as well as colouring would give you more creative outlets and distractions.

[not_so_insig]

Lorraine: I don't have any sketchbook otherwise I could take it. Though I suck at just drawing I prefer to copy from photographs (usually ones that I have taken ).

[not_so_insig]

I feel so unwanted and feel like chucking it away. My cpn said that she would phone me after 2 to tell me if she had managed resources to get in touch with the other nurse and what time she would phone. Only she didn't. I had psyched myself up to talk to her especially as I feel low today. Even if she hadn't managed to get hold of the other nurse I would have appreciated a phone call telling me so. I don't feel confident talking to the other nurse anymore.

[Sketchy]

Please don't let that hold you back from speaking to the other nurse. I understand it feels like such a let down, and I too have felt frustrated when they say they'll phone and then don't. Think about what you have achieved and what you want to achieve further. You have worked so hard to get where you are now and I think you are awesome for doing so. Could you phone tomorrow?

[not_so_insig]

Thanks Lorraine. I was kinda hurt when I wrote the last post so I did some colouring. I am just hurting myself by not answering the phone to the other nurse when I need support. I don't have the confidence to phone but if the nurse phones me then I am going to answer.

I have now ordered a sketchbook from amazon which should hopefully come tomorrow. I ordered some cat food and a Christmas film dvd in the same order.

[Sketchy]

I completely understand why you felt hurt, but at least you can now look at the situation calmly and it's good you will answer the phone.

That's great that you treated yourself to a new sketchbook and dvd. I bet your cats will will be pleased with your purchase too.

[not_so_insig]

It came. Which is good because it means that I can go out instead of waiting all day. I managed to survive last night without taking prn.

[not_so_insig]

The feeling that I want to cut is getting less. However I am still colouring. But the weekend is approaching and I struggle then. I managed another night without prn.

[tamobhuuta]

well done but remember it's ok to use prn. do you have any plans for the weekend?

[not_so_insig]

I am going to my parents but the fact is that it's a trigger for me as I really struggle when I am there. I will probably end up taking prn over the weekend. My parents have a go at me for my weight and that makes the urges worse. I am fine during the day but at night I struggle. I am going to take my new sketchbook with me been as I can't colour.

I still have not heard from the other nurse.

[not_so_insig]

I am getting better I think. At least the urges are easing. I am taking the prn less. I took the sketchbook with me over the weekend but didn't use it.

I still haven't heard from the other nurse though. My mum is with me during the day this week so it's going to be impossible to talk to her privately so I am not going to chase her.

[Sketchy]

If the nurse phones do you feel you could ask your mum for privacy?

I'm glad the urges are easing and you are getting use out of your new sketchbook. You are a brilliantly creative person, so it's good to use this talent and enjoy yourself doing so. You could draw your gorgeous kitties!

I know we haven't emailed in a while, but I'm always here if you need to talk.