To be honest, apart from the payment parts, I had to stick by many of these rules and many people do here so I'm not surprised that this is the case for everyone. They're there to help you and so that you're not seeming too waste your or anyone else's tim and so you can get the most benefit. This is saying they're more than happy to take you back, and are working to get you back, so long as you agree to what, from what I can see, are pretty standard terms and conditions.
I know you said you weren't cussing at someone but if I had a client who said to myself or in front of other staff or clients things like 'fucking nurse', there would be potential consequences and one of those, regardless of how well they've got on with us until that point, their financial situation, etc etc, would be to be told that, apart from in an emergency (which is a legal caveat with us) they would have to seek treatment elsewhere and we don't have to even give them details of other providers. It doesn't matter necessarily if you mean it to insult someone, it still can and it can show some deep disrespect.
You were already told before this the terms and conditions, from memory, which were very similar to what was set above and I'm sure the 2wk rule will be set around your classes so if one week you were really busy and it was only 2 and a half weeks after your previous one that you could make that appointment, I'm sure they'd be willing to help, though they may want to see that this is the case. The same as if you're on holiday etc you don't have to book an appointment with them for when you're away. They're not leaving you to do all the work, if the were they'd ask you to go home and search your local area for services as well as the funding and stuff, they're actively looking for funding for you to stay there, it's up to you now whether you want to stay.
I appreciate this is all really hard for you, it would be for anyone in your situation, but I think it does give you a great opportunity for you to take the time to reevaluate where you are now and where you want to be and the steps that need to be taken to get you there which may not always be easy. If you feel you couldn't try even just one more time to engage with that doctor (and she's not looking for you to stop your self destructive behaviours and pour out every single thoug and feeling you have in your first session, she will appreciate that it's a gradual thing) then wait and see what they come up with to allow that to happen and see if it will work, try and keep the past behind you now,I'm sure she will apart from maybe a quick talk about what has happened. If you think that you can't and you need to see someone else then I think the best thing to do is to search around to find a service which may suit you and try them but please inform your doctor if you're doing that so that they're not still trying to find ways for you to go there when you have no intention to. The other thing is, I know you don't earn much but it's probably neccesary for you to tell them about your change in financial situation (ie that you're employed now), if you're not earning much it may not make a difference but it could mean that they spend ages trying to find something that, when it comes down to it, you can't use due to your income or, it may be that other schemes are available once you're employed which may not otherwise be the case. It just makes me it easier and clearer for them and also yourself as you don't want them to access funding and then when you have to disclose any funding they tell you you're no longer eligible which could also waste your time and affect you mentally.
Last edited by Animad : 28-03-2015 at 09:59 AM.
Reason: Edited for clarity and there were loads of autocorrect mistakes!
I don't think those are unreasonable or strict rules from the therapist. Those are more or less the same rules my psychologist outlined to me in my first session with her. But she explained in detail why the rules are in place so I understood.
In a nutshell the rules are there to provide a safe place for you to engage in therapy. But if you regularly miss sessions then therapy gets interrupted and progress is difficult. A basic requirement of therapy is willingness to stop destructive behaviours like self harm. She's not saying she never wants you to do it again, but just that when you're in therapy you're working towards not engaging in those behaviours.
The first time I heard the rules I felt overwhelmed and like there was no way I could work with them. But as the therapy progresses and you settle in to it you realise the importance of those boundaries.
I've had much, much stricter rules before when I was having a different therapy. For example one of those rules was that if I was not there on time (as in to the second) then I couldn't have my session no matter how much I needed it. And if I missed more than 2 sessions I would immediately be discharged.
I hope you can work with doctorlady if she finds a way that you can afford. From her email I can see that she really wants to work with you.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
My first piece of advice is to please stay safe. I totally get what you mean about not wanting people to think you did something to yourself because of this, so if that is a good motivator than stick with it. I felt the same recently after my break up, I didn't want people to simplify why I had hurt myself as some knee jerk reaction.
At first I thought her email, with the rules, was super formal but I guess spelling out guidelines like that makes them very clear.
I know there has been issues but she is clearly stating she will work with you if funding is the only issue. I guess the question is, will you work with her and see her?
You said you need more time, Is that to process your feelings about all this?
Those conditions are very formal, I think for ease of discussing them, but I have had the same conditions in the past too.
Okay but if this has been the rules the entire time why is she only now saying it is a big thing? Why was it not brought up at the beginning? I kind of want proof that this applies to everyone because it's never been brought up before or been an issue before. It feels like they're just trying to make it impossibly hard and difficult and arbitrary. All those rules don't make me feel safe. They make me feel like I'd be completely trapped and at their mercy. Again like blackmail. That makes it feel like I have no choice.
I feel like I can't win and it's all so relative that even if I do try then they'd tell me I'm just not trying enough. And yea it's so formally worded that I really don't completely understand it.
I'm just still so angry that I don't think any decision I make about the situation will be made with a clear head. But I guess it doesn't really matter either way unless there is some kind of funding so I am trying not to dwell on it. But yea I'd like a couple of months to get some distance and cool down because I'm not the kind of person who can just forget about things and move on. And I also don't feel like this is the kind of thing that makes me want to trust people. This feels like I've been backed into a corner and they're just trying to mess with me and prod me.
But whatever. Like I said I don't really care if they want to discharge me that's fine but I just wanted to know why. So. I won't be seeking out any other care if I was discharged because I don't want to mess with it. Things are hard enough without trying to stress over something stupid like that.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
To be honest. It doesn't read like they want to discharge you at all. They appear to be trying to make it so you can work with them. If she didn't want to help you would she really be trying to find ways to fund help?
When I first started therapy I never had the rules spelt out to me, it was only when I started skipping meetings that they laid out the rules for me. I later found out that the reason they didn't tell me the rules is because I'd struggled with them in the past and they wanted me to try to engage without the strict rules before. And from what other people are saying, it seems to be common that service users have similar rules, so she isn't doing it to be mean to you, just to help you realise how support works. She can't help you unless you engage with the support.
Although to be honest it sounds like you don't want to engage with the support. If that is the case would it not be fair to let the lady doctor know so she stops trying to find funding options for you and so she can focus on helping people whom are willing to accept these rules?
Yes, you might have not actually said you don't want to engage, but by stating that you won't look for more support of the current service discharges you that implies that you don't want to engage.
Have you asked why they sent the discharge letter? It is possible it might have been an accident.
After a single session with one counsellor where I struggled to say a word, I was told not to bother to go back unless I was willing to change that straight away. I didn't go back to her, I can't remember whether I found an alternative or just didn't see anyone, but I didn't go back to her because I I didn't trust her. Why am I telling you this, well it's because that's after a single session, you've had months, if not yrs, on and off with her battling with this and she's still been been prepared to help you, even now she's helping to look into funding, something the majority of doctors/ therapists etc probably wouldn't look into. The discharge letter, was that before or after you went into the office and stated you wanted to speak to her and no one else? If it was soon after that it may've been due to pressure from the staff at the facility due many places wanting zero tolerance on aggression which to be honest, whether you meant it or not, that does come across as. If it was after this it may have been that she didn't want to discharge you but she was backed into a corner by the other staff and/ or the rules, to say that.
You have to try and focus on the positives that she's trying to help you either get help there or somewhere else, she could just tell you that you're on your own. The fact she's doing this shows she cares about you and she wants to see a difference in you. I know it's hard but I think you need to try and look at it from their point of view as to why she might've informed you of these rules. If you're unsure of all the reasons then contact her, you going back to sessions with her would imply you've given informed consent in regards to these rules and for that you need to fully understand them and the reasons for them so she should be willing to discuss the reasons behind them with you and potentially even why she's only mentioned them now (though I do remember you telling me several times in the past that she's said you need to engage more or she's not able to keep helping you, as well as wanting you to reduce your SH behaviours and discussing them with her). I really do think you need to have a think about what you want in terms of the sessions regardless of finances, and whether you think you'll be able to cope with these rules and if need be try and discuss that with you, it does seem she's more open to discussing this sort of thing via email with you than what she maybe was in the past.
Yes, you might have not actually said you don't want to engage, but by stating that you won't look for more support of the current service discharges you that implies that you don't want to engage.
Have you asked why they sent the discharge letter? It is possible it might have been an accident.
It wasn't an accident. She said that she was surprised I was surprised by it. And I don't see why it's unreasonable to not want to have to try to start over someplace far away when time is already something I don't have a lot of and chances are they're not really going to understand self harm because it's not something they are used to deal with and scheduling is going to be a major issue because of my school and work schedules.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snow White.
Perhaps because you hadn't made any more appointments is why they sent it?
It's possible. But she also knew I wasn't making appointments regularly partly because I could not afford it and partly because I did not see the need. And I was waiting to hear back from her on an email where I asked a question about my notes and she never responded. I have the email in my sent folder and never got a response to it even though she says she did. So I think it is also if I do not contact her in a certain amount of time or have an appointment I was going to be discharged? Not totally sure but I was waiting for a response so did not want to send multiple emails about the same thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Animad
After a single session with one counsellor where I struggled to say a word, I was told not to bother to go back unless I was willing to change that straight away. I didn't go back to her, I can't remember whether I found an alternative or just didn't see anyone, but I didn't go back to her because I I didn't trust her. Why am I telling you this, well it's because that's after a single session, you've had months, if not yrs, on and off with her battling with this and she's still been been prepared to help you, even now she's helping to look into funding, something the majority of doctors/ therapists etc probably wouldn't look into. The discharge letter, was that before or after you went into the office and stated you wanted to speak to her and no one else? If it was soon after that it may've been due to pressure from the staff at the facility due many places wanting zero tolerance on aggression which to be honest, whether you meant it or not, that does come across as. If it was after this it may have been that she didn't want to discharge you but she was backed into a corner by the other staff and/ or the rules, to say that.
You have to try and focus on the positives that she's trying to help you either get help there or somewhere else, she could just tell you that you're on your own. The fact she's doing this shows she cares about you and she wants to see a difference in you. I know it's hard but I think you need to try and look at it from their point of view as to why she might've informed you of these rules. If you're unsure of all the reasons then contact her, you going back to sessions with her would imply you've given informed consent in regards to these rules and for that you need to fully understand them and the reasons for them so she should be willing to discuss the reasons behind them with you and potentially even why she's only mentioned them now (though I do remember you telling me several times in the past that she's said you need to engage more or she's not able to keep helping you, as well as wanting you to reduce your SH behaviours and discussing them with her). I really do think you need to have a think about what you want in terms of the sessions regardless of finances, and whether you think you'll be able to cope with these rules and if need be try and discuss that with you, it does seem she's more open to discussing this sort of thing via email with you than what she maybe was in the past.
It's been about a year on/off. She said twenty sessions. I got the letter Tuesday and then went in and asked to see her for an explanation. So the letter was before that happened. I just don't see the need to ask for an explanation if it's not possible to go back. I have been trying to think about it but at the same time I do try to engage as best I can and it's apparently never enough. I've even said I have had so many bad experiences that I honestly don't know how it's supposed to work but that just gets written off as not engaging also.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
You seem to have a lot going on and to be struggling quite a lot. I am unsure I would say you were fine. I don't mean that to be rude. Please don't take it that way.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I agree with Aimee, things you've said in this thread, and elsewhere, indicate you're not fine and this doesn't have to show itself as Self Harm. Like Aimee, I've not self harmed in yrs but My depression is pretty bad right now amongst other things.
It may be worth trying not to focus on the previous discharge letter now as the fact she's actively looking for financial support for you suggests that for whatever reason she's had a change of heart and is prepared/ wanting to see you back again and so that letter is no longer applicable. I think need to focus on what you can do looking forward rather on this situation.
I'd also be surprised if other people didn't deal with self harm, in the UK the amount o self harming is increasing year on year and doctors/ psychologists/ counsellors... All tend to bring it up one way or another, even if it's just by saying 'do you ever feel like harming yourself' and they go from there. The key is also them helping you deal with the issues behind the self harm rather than the self harm itself.
I just also wanted to say well done for not self harming for that length of time.
I am not totally sure what you are asking Irene. Sorry.
I will think about what you all said. Right now everything seems all jumbled up again and I have missed my first class for the third time in a row now and I should go to my other class at least but I cannot figure out why or how it should be safe to get out of bed. I want to dig a hole and bury myself. I still am likely dead but trying not to bring it up because people do not seem to like it.
Doctor lady said my emails are being documented so now it's not safe to reply.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
