I don't know what PRN you get but would the duty team be able to give you some sleeping tablets as well -just a few days worth? You could really use some decent rest at the moment.
x
Unfortunately not. Duty team don't do meds and I'm away anyway so there would be no way of getting any.
I'm feeling suicidal now. I can't handle all of this. It's too much. I'm so wobbly. I don't want it to be Christmas. I'm not prepared. I'm a shit sister/girlfriend/daughter/friend. Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Can you please try to give the duty team a ring. I think you need a bit more help right now.
It's bound to be hard coming out of hospital and what with Christmas on top. You're NOT a shit anything - you're just struggling a lot at the moment.
x
I should have called them >.< It's too late now. I want to overdose. I don't know what the fuck my problem is. I've had two weeks in hospital, two weeks in day hospital, and now I'm home and I should be better than this! Anything and everything is stressing me out I just can't handle this, I'm totally freaking, I have so few self harm options (is that supposed to be a good thing?) where the hell can you get stuff to OD on on XMAS EVE WHEN YOUR MOTHER IS DOWNSTAIRS????
It's not too late to get help. You want to OD but you haven't yet so it's not too late.
There is no shoulds in MH. The transition between hospital and home can be a tough one. It's understandable to struggle with it and this is made even worse with the reduced support because of Christmas.
Could you try to do something nice for yourself to try to calm down? What is it that's stressing you out?
Are you able to tell your mother you're struggling?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I've taken some PRN, I figure the situation warrants it. Hoping to god it does something. Mum knows I'm struggling, just got a lecture on 'the window of tolerance' because apparently I'm shit at adapting to stress. No shit. Had a bath, might watch something.
I don't even know whats stressing me out. I can't believe I only got discharged yesterday, feels like years ago. Discharge is always stressful and I tend to crash even when I've been ready for it, which I was. Christmas is incredibly stressful, with having to appear happy and buy presents etc. I'm meant to be going up to see family on boxing day and stay for like 3 days in the middle of nowhere and that's stressing me out, because I'm not sure I can handle it right now but I don't want to let them down. My mum doesn't think I should go because they tend to upset me when I'm there anyway. And I'm already a wreck. And then it's my anniversary with my boyfriend on new years which is worrying me because of past abuse/rape related intamcy issues.
Hi, Well done on getting through this afternoon/evening. You've been working really hard to stay safe and do the right things.
I hope the PRN is taking the edge of things - it's times like these it's for, so I think it's useful for the next few days. (Then call the duty team when services re-open if you still feel like this.)
You don't sound like you much want to go away for 3 days, so perhaps it would take the pressure off to cancel, and say you'll visit on another holiday. Will someone be around at home with you if you stay?
Try not to worry about New Year just yet, focus on getting through Christmas for now. The main thing you need to do right now is stay safe, and where you have choices pick more relaxing options rather than stressful ones. (Plenty of TV could be a good one!)
I won't wish you a "happy" Christmas, but I do hope you have a tolerable one.
xx
Well done for taking some PRN, I think you're right in that the situation warrants it. I hope it helps quickly and you're able to get some rest and relax a little.
It is good your mum know's you're struggling; at least she's aware even if it did simply mean she gave you a lecture. I wish she'd been a little more supportive. There are lots of feel good films on tonight/tomorrow so they could be a good distraction.
There is a lot of stress in your life right now. Discharge is stressful enough without it being just before Christmas. Christmas is a very stressful time of year for most people and a lot of people struggle in the holidays. Remember that you can take some time out just for yourself - even a few minutes just for a breather if being around everyone gets too much.
It doesn't sound like going to see these family members would be best for you at the moment - it seems to be adding more stress to an already stressful time. Will you be alone if you stay behind? If so, is there someone you can be with? I'm sure they'd understand if you said you couldn't go.
I find anniversaries really stressful too - try not to make too big a deal out of it and remember if it gets too much to take some time out for you.
<3 Thinking of you
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I feel horrific. But the day is over, I got through it, I'm in bed now exhausted. I'm not going away with family tomorrow, I'm going to stay at my mums for a few days, not sure how long. So she'll be here.
It was a stressful day. My little sister is having a hard time because our Dad is a prick and it feels like there is nothing I can do about it but she said talking helped. It's complicated. He was emotionally abusive to me and now the same thing is happening to her and I haven't stopped it. I've tried so fucking hard to stop it but I've failed.
Well done for getting through Christmas day. It's good you decided to stay with your mum.
You haven't failed by not being able to stop things happening. You have a lot of things going on for you right now. As she said; talking to you helped.
How are you feeling now?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I'm feeling slightly better ish. I managed to make it through an afternoon of shopping without passing out, which I am extremely proud of myself for, and I got belated presents for people which is a stress off my mind. My Eczema is really bad and I really want to SH badly but for the most part I think things are improving! Tis about time!
Well done for getting through Christmas and a successful afternoon of shopping today! Even though you still have urges, you're making huge steps forward!
I managed to get through Xmas and New Years without self harming or anything major happening, but I'm by myself now and I'm struggling again. I've got really strong urges to cut, drink bleach and ingest things that shouldn't ever be ingested (don't want to tip share). I really really really don't want to go to hospital of any kind, those places suck, and this should not be how I start the new year! I think I just want to self harm because I can. I've already been distracting myself by ordering take away and watching tv but don't know what to do now.
Hi Katie, I've just seen your recent post. How was last night? I hope you managed to keep yourself safe. As Christmas is over now will you get some more support?
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
Yep managed to not self harm last night and just saw my CPN, but an hour really isn't long enough to cover everything! We talked about xmas and the passing out and that was about it. Didn't get much of a chance to talk about self harm or anything. Still really want to cut/overdose etc but trying to distract. PLus I don't want scars!
That's really good that you didn't self-harm. What helped you to keep safe?
Do you feel it helped to talk to your CPN? When is your next appointment?
I'm sorry that you still have the feeling of wanting to self-harm and overdose. I hope you can continue to distract yourself. There's always someone on here if you need to chat.
Keep fighting Katie.
x
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
That's good you managed not to self harm last night. Is there any way you could write down all the stuff which you want to tell your CPN and then at the start of each session you could give her the paper which tells what you want to cover in the session so that way your CPN knows what you want to cover in the session. Please I know its easier said than done but stay safe. If you think that you wont be able to keep your self safe then please go to a&e. Remember we are all here for you.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime you want.
Love From Meera xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
Thank you both. I think it was just relaxing that kept me safe, I finally have a break from all the shit over the past few weeks of hospitals and stuff.
That's a good idea about writing stuff down for cpn. It wasn't too helpful to be honest because we didn't cover everything.
I want to self harm but still haven't, got some random urges to do horrible stuff. Still can't be arsed with a&e.
I've tried that once before and it was awful. I feel guilty being in a&e unless I've actually hurt myself or passed out. But I suppose your probably right. No plans, just thoughts of sh.
