I've become so numb *Support needed please*

[Myimmortalgirl]

Yea just struggling with the whole Ami thing, I feel guilty almost like we failed her and we could of saved her. I feel guilty coz I never said goodbye.

[offlineforever]

Hearing the death of someone you know can be difficult to deal with. I'm not sure what I can say to help you except try to not ignore your feelings and allow yourself to grieve her death.

[rockaroni]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myimmortalgirl

Yea just struggling with the whole Ami thing, I feel guilty almost like we failed her and we could of saved her. I feel guilty coz I never said goodbye.

Nobody could have saved her. Nobody. She tried harder than anyone else I know to get better. But unfortunately it was a cruel disease, and she was determined. I really don't think there's anything on this planet that could have saved her. Yes, we prolonged her life in the short term. She very nearly died last time she tried to end her life using her usual method, but didn't. We took her to hospital so many times in the last few years- unfortunately her death was an inevitability. No amount of support would be able to give her a normal life, she was just that ill. Nobody failed her- she had a lot of support, an amazing network of friends, doctors and therapists, but she would just push it all away so she could attempt to die in peace.

As for not saying goodbye, well, nobody expected this at the time. No one got to say goodbye properly. It's really sad. We all deal with our grief in our own way, but really, there's nothing you could have done differently. She's finally at peace, nobody can hurt her anymore, least of all herself. Are you able to take some closure from that? It's how I'm coping at the moment, by trying to be compassionate about her reasons for ending it. It has hurt us all, but it's all she ever wanted.

[Myimmortalgirl]

I need to ask you guys for some advice. I have been mega shaky the last few days and almost feeling frightened and that I am about to be told off big time. (I won't as I have done nothing wrong) but It's freaking me out and I don't know what is causing it.

[offlineforever]

Just wondering if maybe it is related to the sad news of Amy's death that is making you feel this way?

[Myimmortalgirl]

I don't know but I don't like it, Also have no feeling to do anything or go anywhere just wanna be at home where I feel safe.

[Myimmortalgirl]

I had a really scary incident last week my blade somehow stabbed me in the finger and I bled alot. I freaked right out and luckily my mum and brother was there too help, Its healing now albeit very sore. I just don't remember how I did it everyone keeps asking and I don't know my minds blanked it.

Also I keep having accidents like banging into stuff, just feeling really clumsy and accident prone at the moment.

[Myimmortalgirl]

I seriously cannot keep fighting. It is all too much. Life sucks

[Myimmortalgirl]

But hey no one cares, Story of my life.

[Tig]

What's happening? X

[Myimmortalgirl]

I am just feeling really weird at the moment. Think the fact I'm not v well is not helping but just been really down and paranoid.

[Tig]

I can imagine it is extra difficult when feeling physically unwell, I always notice that for myself too.

Has anything triggered you to feel so low & paranoid?

[Myimmortalgirl]

My friends at work. They are talking about me all the time I know they are.

[offlineforever]

Sorry to hear you are struggling. It sounds like your job is causing you a lot of stress. I was wondering if maybe it would be worth contemplating looking for another job?

[Myimmortalgirl]

I am always looking. I am so tempted to get signed off again. I cannot bring myself to do it though as I really do like my manager and I don't want to let her down but I am struggling.

[Tig]

Would it be worth telling your manager that you are struggling?

[Myimmortalgirl]

Today sucks I should be on my way to Cardiff but my anxiety and the fact I've been ill put a stop to that. So my week off is going to be wasted sat in on my own being bored out my fucking brains. I just want to go back to bed today coz everything sucks.

[Tig]

Sorry you were too anxious and unwell to go to Cardiff, that must have been very disappointing.

Your week off doesn't have to be wasted though. It sounds like there is a lot going on at work that was putting pressure on you so perhaps having a break from that for a week is a helpful thing? It might give you some time to think about what is best for you and how things might be able to change, ie speaking to your manager or whatever action you feel is best.

Why not have a duvet day? Make it a positive one but don't deny yourself a duvet day! You've earned it after working so hard and feeling so rubbish. You could choose your favourite films etc.

[Myimmortalgirl]

Played the sims :D woooop and just chilling Thursday should be nice weather so might go out then.

[Tig]

Yay for the sims. That sounds good, hope the weather is nice for you!