I cannot take this I deserve to be punished for being so fat and out of control. I just don't know. I need to tear myself to pieces. It's all my fault the FAT is suffocating me. I wanted to please my mum and do my work but instead I'm just greedy and disgusting and am a mess. I can't do it anymore. I'm so sorry
Thanks Hun. I'm totally falling apart I'm FAT and out of control. I need to escape the FAT I have physical monitoring but I'm so FATthe shame is eating me up. I'm so sorry to post xx
Jess, I think that what your therapist has suggested would be really helpful for you, especially the step up to recovery programme.
With the mirror, avoid it. Mirrors are evil, unreliable measurements of our weight and are hindered by our perceptions. Yes, it may not sit well with you but that doesn't mean it has to rule you. Calorie drinks are allowed, that's why the exist, for our enjoyment. Not everything has to be a battle, honest.
Thanks belle I'm FAT and disgusting I'm failing uni because I need to extenuated on my extenuation. I'm disgusting and deserve to be punished I had stuff to do work then felt so ill I've written just two lines and read one bloody article! I need to tear myself to pieces. If I haven't lost weight by next Thursday the shame feels its tearing me apart. I'm so sorry I don't deserve to breathe sorry xx
Last edited by random.swirls : 27-12-2012 at 10:41 PM.
Reason: please see your pm's
You're not fat and disgusting because you needed an extension! I had to have an extension last week but would you call me fat and disgusting? No you wouldn't and it's exactly the same. Try applying what you say about yourself to someone else and you'll see the lack of logic within it. Extensions are there, at the end of the day, for if students need to use them and you won't abuse the extension, you'll use it healthily.
I think that you're feeling so exhausted because you're not eating properly and your body is responding by not allowing your concentration to stay long enough for you to do your work. How about allowing yourself to eat for the sake of your education and see how that goes? That doesn't put a time frame on it and will give you time to focus upon that, rather than what you feel about yourself.
Why do you have to have lost weight by next Thursday? What will happen if you don't?
Hi belle I'm so sorry I'm a broken record. I have been trying but I really can't deal with the fall out and the feeling I don't deserve to live or breathe. It's so powerful I want to tear myself to pieces. I get weighed and I see both my psychologist and the psychiatrist. I'm extremely ashamed as I'm fat and my body does weird things. Sometimes I even think I'm not normal I'm a fat freak and may be I'm not even anorexic? I'm scared I don't understand my head . X
I'm so hideous and out of control . I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself and FAT . I had drinks with calories in so I could finish my assignment it's still not done. My fears about the norovirus are out of control I'm not just afraid I would get it but also that my mum might catch it. The anxiety is tearing me up. I'm sorry I don't deserve to live I'm so sorry xx
I'm so F AT disgusting and dirty. My OCD is out of control I'm petrified of the norovirus I washed my hands in bleach but I'm still scared. What if my mum catches it? I'm so out of control I keep having I shouldn't but I crave salt I'm so FAT I'm drowning in it. I can't fail at being a student and an anorexic! I need anorexia I can't live without it but because I'm disgusting I'm drowning n FAT. I'm so ashamed to see the psychiatrist on Thursday. I'm so sorry x
Last edited by random.swirls : 27-12-2012 at 10:42 PM.
Reason: plrase see your pm's
I hope seeing your psychiatrist goes well on Thursday - could you print off some of what you are saying here and show that to them? It might help them to understand a little bit more where you're at and what you're feeling.
Anorexia is an evil, difficult thing to live you. The very essence of the disorder means that you will even be critical of the fact that you have it. Being a failed anorexic, though impossible, is something that is actually quite common but not something that is plausible. If you have a problem with food then you have a problem with food that requires support. I know having anorexia can feel like a definition and a success and a belonging but it doesn't have to be who you are. You are more than that. You are doing an outstanding job of juggling all your committments and living with something like anorexia.
Thanks so much Hun. I saw the psychiatrist today and she will write out a prescription for promethazine from next week. I'm also to consider the step up to recovery service over the next month. I can't handle this I'm so FAT and I don't feel human I could physically tear the FAT off. I'm devastated not to be going back to uni in January . I'm mess drowning in my FAT I just feel so scared. I'm so sorry xx
Last edited by random.swirls : 27-12-2012 at 10:42 PM.
Reason: See your pm's
I'm glad you saw the psychiatrist today. That sounds very positive and I hope that the medication helps you. The step up to recovery programme also sounds something very productive for you.
How do you think you can help yourself?
I'm sorry to hear you won't be returning to university in January but don't beat yourself up about it. I ended up dropping out of my first university due to mental health and it was the best thing I ever did. Be gentle with yourself, you never know, this might be good for you! Are you going back after time out or finishing completely?
Hi Hun thank you. I wish I knew how to help myself. I need more control as I'm disgusting. I intend to go back in September. I need to get Christmas out the way first as Christmas Day is the ten year anniversary of dads death. I feel so sad I feel I can't breathe. I'm so sorry x
Control seems to be a big thing for you - do you know why that is?
It does seem as though Christmas will be hard for you. My thoughts will be with you. Is there any way that you can do something nice to remember your Dad on Christmas Day, such as making a collage or looking through old photos and remembering good times?
Thank you belle that's so sweet of you I don't deserve this. I really appreciate your kindness. The smallest thing can feel out of control. I think I've gained **** load of weight I don't know where from. I need to add up my calories again im sure they are too much. The shame is killing me I could tear myself to pieces. I feel I should die. Everything feels so loud. It's like I need to be the yoda of eating disorders. I don't know. I HATE myself so much x
I think that you have possibly gained weight because you're actually quite thin, Jess. Even if you have gained weight, you do not have to die. Weight is not indicative of your death in any way, shape or form.
What feels loud, love? What do you mean when you say the Yoda of Eating Disorders? Perhaps you could explain what that would mean to you.
