Jodie had a pretty bad day yesterday :(
I think she needs lots of encouragement to be selfish for a bit and dare to believe that she doesn't have to do all the bad things.
Also, she's being reviewed today, so hopefully they will adjust her meds and make some helpful suggestions.
I'm sorry it's hard jodie, remember that you need to do what's best for you and it's ok to be selfish when it can help you. I hope that they can make a difference and help you out a bit. Good luck at your review. Xx
Oh JodMum, I'm so sorry things aren't good. I hope they manage to get your meds sorted and at least a first step towards feeling better. I hope you realize how amazing you are and how strong you are and how you can get through this. Please keep communicating and opening up, you deserve help/support.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : tonssss of positive pictures just for you. :)
Hi guys! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I can't multiquote because my iPad is being silly. But I appreciate all your words and the pictures and the PMs they have made me smile even on bad days! You guys are amazing*
So I had my review today and I now have ALL the diagnoses. Like its not even funny, there are like seven and they are so interlinked they may as well be the same thing, so I don't know why they haven't clumped them together. But anyway.*
The doctor said the main issues keeping me in hospital were OCD and the magical/delusional thinking regarding having to do self destructive behaviours to keep others safe. He can't let me go while the behaviours are potentially lethal. Also, the eating (or lack thereof) is a concern as my weight is 'low' (it's not, I look and feel fine)*
So yes. He said I shouldn't be in more than a month( then saw my face and said it could be a couple weeks, lol). I want to leave but I know if I left now I wouldn't come back and would take pills/cut/purge because of the rules the man puts in my head. So I'm only allowed escorted leave. *
It's hard not to lie and say I'm fine to be able to get home to do the behaviours. It's taking a lot of effort for me to be honest, and I told my CC that i was finding it hard so she said shed make sure they knew that in case I have a weak moment. Tere have been episodes of self harm on the ward, and major paranoia/trying to leave/horrible images and flashbacks. Staff have been amazing.*
In positive news, I got my exam results today and I've done really well :s like, averaging a high 2:1/1st. Considering how mad I was at the time of taking them I'm actually really proud of myself.*
Also, I am 10 days free from purging. Its SO hard, because I have my own bathroom and, again, it's taking a lot for me not to do it. I know I will, at some point, but for now I'm proud I have managed this long.*
Oh JodMum, I'm so so so proud of you! Keep fighting and cooperating and trusting what they say is true, not what your head is no doubt shouting and the man and such.
*cuddles and love*
You're truly inspirational and amazing.
Keep on going. Keep at this. You can do it.
xxxxxxxxxxx
