You deserve LIFE Jodie. Not this hellish prison of fear and misery you are currently living in.
Get healthy, get well, Show those fucckers who hurt you just how amazing you are - by getting well, take up a martial art, learn to protect and nurture yourself and enjoy your life.
I'd just like to echo this. My GP gave me the same advice: hope your appointment goes well.
Hi Jodie, although we haven't spoken before I just wanted to show some support and if I could, I'd give you a hug. These people, they aren't strong enough to definitively beat you, 'to win' or to dictate your life and how it should be led. They shouldn't be allowed to, it's your life and you deserve much better. Please don't give up on yourself. There's going to be a life for you after all of this.
Everything passes, everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.
I feel quite low. Went to my appointment and spoke about a few things. Not much was said and nothing is changing so that's good. I regret speaking about it. If anyone gets hurt because of me...
The Havens keep emailing me about psychological help and groups and it's driving me crazy. They don't seem to understand that it was my own fault for getting in to the situation and they should be emailing people who are actual victims with these services. I need to man up and email them back but it's difficult.
Food is difficult. I'm struggling a lot. I'm not too sure how I'm still in uni considering I've not been going and should be failing out. Somehow I'm bullshitting my way through.
I got my period today. After months and months of not having it. My scales say I have lost weight but that must be a lie because they have come back. People are always lying to me. I can't even trust myself.
I'm so sorry your struggling Jodie. I'm really really worried about you because your not making much sense and I fear you are/will fall away from reality.
I just keep thinking that I can't wait to move down there so I can look after you.
It is really scary because there is only so much mor weight you can loose and only so long you can avoid (i know your not meaning to avoid) psychological support for the stuff that happened.
What happened was not your fault. "No" means no. "I don't want to" means no. "get off" means no.
Either way what happened, who ever is to blame, it is disturbing your functioning so you need help. They would not offer the support if they didn't have the space.
Please take it. Please.
Also you need to tell your team your weight. You know you need to. Your on your way to dying and you need to be helpped but can't be till you tell them. Sometimes you wear baggy clothes it is hard to tell your size in baggy stuff (like it would anyone) so you need to tell.
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
I love you Jodie. You're so brave and lovely and wonderful. I'm super-lucky to have you as my friend.
You've made it through almost all of march, and the world hasn't ended [though I think both of us thought it would on several occassions!]. I know april will be really hard too, but you're not on your own, and we'll make it through together.
Let me know if there's anything I can do.
<3
Who the fuck tried to convince me I have an eating disorder. Lol I can't believe I was conned!
The lady next to me on the tube just now was writing poetry. She wrote:
"It is not true.
I am a lie
Nothing but a strand of hope caught up
In a wind of need"
Messages for me.
I don't know why I believed. It made sense in my head at the time but now things are clearer. There is no anything. Not really.
What else isn't true? The risks? I was told that I was safe. I was told that there was no danger to not following the rules.
What else is a lie fed to me?
Jodieeeee, I don't know what will convince you that it is a real problem but I hope you can figure that out soon. You deserve to have a healthy relationship with food and one which doesn't impact on your life so that you can be happy and healthy and finish your degree.
Lots of love xxx
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
My doctor said it wasn't. He said I don't need my weight monitoring and I don't need any blood tests because everyone goes up and down and I am fine.
So. Please will people stop lying to me? I don't really understand what people get out of it,,, it doesn't make much sense.
Everywhere I go there are messages for me. Walking up the escalators there are adverts saying 'faster' and 'weak' and stuff, telling me to run faster up them.
What did I do that was so wrong to make people lie to me and tell me I am safe not following the tules and things aren't real when they are? Or am I just bad? I'm really sorry for whatever it was.
I'm sorry love, but you DO have an eating disorder. A pretty severe one at that. Literally none of us here have anything to gain by lying to you, if you don't trust the doctors or any of the professionals, please try and trust the people you are most honest with, the people who know what you're going through and understand what you're doing to yourself.
Words aren't really working for me today so I'm sorry this isn't a very long, detailed reply, I will try a bit later. But, if anyone else was doing what you were doing, I'm pretty sure you'd say they had an eating disorder. There are no double standards when it comes to you, love. And we really need you to try and believe that no one is lying to you. Following the rules will not make you any safer. If anything, it will make you more physically unwell and that is scary.
Just keep talking to us, Jodie love <3
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
You haven't done anything wrong. Please believe that if nothing else.
I don't believe that anyone is lying to you. I think that people have different perceptions and opinions and sometimes it is hard to accept that yours might be the wonky ones. Sometimes you need to believe other people.
I'm probably not the right person to be telling you this, is there someone you really trust who you could ask about it?
Last edited by Imperfect.Star : 21-03-2012 at 03:25 PM.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
Jodie love it sounds like you are struggling very much and having a hard time recognizing what's real(this is just a guess) but I don't think people would tell you your safe when your not. And I don't know much about you but it sounds like you do have some eating issues that need to be addressed so I don't think anyone thinks any differently. Is there anyway anyone on RYL can help? Please know that we are here and we recognise your struggling and that we care and want to help as much as possible. I hope that things become a bit easier to understand and the messages stop and leave your head a little bit clearer so you can deal with all these problems you are struggling with so much.
Sorry if that came across as harsh it didnt mean to.
Remember even though we don't talk much I care and am a message away if you want someone different to talk to.
Xxx Clare
he probably isn't too worried because there are other more concerning issues going on. It's the same with my Dr, she's not as worried about my ED as she is about my other MH problems because the other are more likely to cause harm/damage/whatever than my ED at this current place in time. It's probably similar for you.
x
^I'd disagree with that. Jodie's eating disorder [yes love, you do have one] is one of the biggest concerns at the moment. The doctor is just a retard. In fact, ALL the retardation, ALL of the days :-/
Just to continue with my theme of being an interfering twat, I should like to inform you all that Jodie has been absolutely amazing for the past few days. We've been staying with a friend and she's been so brave and eaten almost sensible amounts of foods, to encourage all the other anorexics to eat. And it definitely worked for me! I imagine being constantly around other people and thus unable to purge hasn't been easy at all, but she has been so brave.
I hope a few days away from b/p-ing can reassure you that bulimia doesn't have to be part of your life forever. You can beat this, and I'll be by your side all the way to hold your hand.
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