I'm from north England and these words are thrown around everywhere to everyone with no discrimination for age or anything else. "sugar, hun, babe, chick, duck, love, sweetheart, darling." I've had them all. "Queen" or "queenie" is a popular one round here for older ladies.
Personally I like it. If I got a text saying "Thanks" or "thanks babes" I much prefer the second.
And it is part of how I talk and therefore how I type. Sometimes I do try not to overuse terms like that but then if I read my reply over afterwards it seems really cold and hard to me, even though it is meant well.
And I am aware that often I am older than the poster so I do say things in sort of an older sister type way, but I don't mean it to be patronising.
I'm glad most of the people I reply to are my friends otherwise I would be really paranoid right about now!
If I have called someone hun or sweetheart and it hasn't been appreciated, I am very sorry. I will definitely try to watch what I type from now on and be more mindful that not everyone likes being called some things.
well no, it doesnt make me self concious,im not thinking 'oh look at me typing babe again I really do type words like that a lot' Im thinking 'oh god I wonder if the other person is getting pissed off/upset because i wrote 'babe.''
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Actually, I was thinking about this. It's kinda like we were saying about if it's somebody you know - normally I hate being called 'babe', like, actually detest it but when it's from you, Liv, I'm fine about it and quite like it. I think it's just because I know you and I know it's not patronisingly intended, whereas I don't for other people... Does that make sense?
well no, it doesnt make me self concious,im not thinking 'oh look at me typing babe again I really do type words like that a lot' Im thinking 'oh god I wonder if the other person is getting pissed off/upset because i wrote 'babe.''
Lol. You're still over conscious of what you're ['self' is] typing.
Paranoia is a psychiatric term it just amuses me when people use it so flippantly.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
Lol,no im over concious of what the other person is thinking actually :)
This discussion is fruitless anyway.
Last edited by Snow White. : 28-06-2010 at 02:03 AM.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
How so? In the way that this is the way that some people are. I know that I use the phrases hun or mate a lot it's part of
1) Not knowing peoples names
2) Where I am from
I know a lot of people who have colloquialisms such as in Stoke and Hanley they might call people "duck", round here it's "mate" or "hun", "petal" all these sorts of thing. I certainly don't think it's anything to get wound up about. I just think that it's one of those things that you can't put a stop to. It's up to the OP of whether they say that they would prefer not to be called such things. It's a personal preference, not anything that could be blanketed with a rule as such.
I've been looking at this forum for a while and have decided to belatedly air some of my own views.
Personally I don't really understand the big deal. If someone is trying to offer you advice and comfort at a moment of distress, then how could affectionate names such as 'babe' 'hun', etc be that bad?
I think Tutti Frutti raises a valid point. Its not often obvious as to the name of the OP and these terms are often used as a way of addressing people.
Whenever I write 'hun' its generally because I want to come aross as friendly. Its not meant to be patronising and I doubt that many people intend it to be.
Furthermore how would you ever be able to possibly tell on the internet if someone is being patronising? Its not like you can hear the tone of a persons voice or anything.
But i'm sure that I haven't said anything that hasn't been said before. In any case i'll keep using 'hun' or 'sweetie' regardless.
Don't intend to stir the pot here, but it does occur to me that a lot of people here already feel self-conscious, awkward and inadequate. I can understand being annoyed by terms of endearment, yeah; if you're trying to identify yourself in a particular way, anything that goes against that is going to work on you. It's also a lot easier to over-analyze things when they're typed/written out rather than just said aloud.
I don't see any way to police it, though. It's a push; if you want to ask that people not use those terms of endearment, that's your prerogative and your right. It's neither right nor wrong. But I'd be asking myself whether my annoyance was worth reinforcing feelings of insecurity or outright invalidation in someone else who's also struggling to establish an identity and make good.
I can say that if someone were openly picky over how they wanted to be informally addressed (aside from nicknames or given names), that would make me less inclined to address them at all, just because I didn't want to deal with the hassle. But that's just my personal opinion.
