Carri says on her facebook when someone asked her whats up: being let down by a good friend, always the last to know stuff, its **** and I fed up
How can I make it up to her? I don't think I can cope without her.
I think I'll write her a poem.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
It's just awful when you are in crisis or similar resulting in an od or what have you that the mh peeps just often don't give a ****, as if it is all my fault, brought it on myself. It makes me even more mad because when I was hospitalised due to my depression, I was treated so much better yet the results of my depression and bpd are sometimes very similar so why does one illness deserve compassion, patience and understanding when an equally cripppling disorder results in inpatience, judgment, etc.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Hollz, it sounds like Carri needs to learn to deal with people a little more compassionately. Advertising your arguments over facebook isn't fair. Please don't respond to her in the same way.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
It's ok for you to ask her to explain etc. When someone at the TC says something to me and I don't understand, be they staff member, service user or service user consultant, I tell them and then they can explain it in a different way.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Yeah I know, I will not be posting anything pubicly, I hate confrontation as I said earlier and I don't want to get embroiled in a war of words.
I just wanna prove to her, that I do care and I am sorry. She says I use bpd as an excuse for being who I am, and she dnt wanna here it no more.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
think might hve to go ut wandeing tonight
got crisis team dr coming tomorrow morning
stressing me out a bit
only got one tablet left prn to take
need to get out and do soemthing
tried to make small fire in garden this avo
the twigs were too wet from frsot and it didn't take
so coudlnt' get it going prerlty
think need to walk
walk is good
freedom is good
Read up on abandonment depression....
But for me I see borderline a lot as an attachment disorder, as it is for me and others I've met in 'real life'. Not everyone though, but my experience.
Aspects of impulsivity isn't a part of my depression but is definitely present in terms of bpd. The intense mood swings and emotional reactions - depression is when I am feeling **** and empty all the time, without the switching moods. Also, I lose time sometimes and struggle with voices and other pseudo-hallucinations. Not really explaining myself well, it's just I am starting to learn to recognise the differences of depression and bpd in me.
I might have a wee look re abandonment depressionn
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
In what way does she say you use it as an excuse hun? This must be terribly difficult for you hun
*hugs*
When she phoned me briefly on Saturday to shout at me, I was standing in the supermarket carpark and she was like, oh your mum will tell you what you've done wrong, I am phoning her etc etc etc...and I am like is about Nikki, no its nothing to do with her, and you wanna be friends with a headcase like her thats your choice (who she has met once, and well i dnt know why she has this opinion of her) and then she, oh well, I suppose you can be headcases together, maybe I should feel sorry for her having to put up with you...
I said to her I had my reasons for not telling her I had gambled again, it was bad enough confessing to ga and I only told my friend dave, coz I had to tell someone and I took him out and that and I had a few drinks and I hadn't intended to tell him, but I did and I told my wee cousin.
A few weeks ago when I moved in here, Carri text me and my wee cousin and was like, come round to mine for drinks etc, and her address. Now I text my cousin and was like, btw me and carri aint living together, but my mum thinks we are, can you keep it to yourself.
Apparently, Carri met my cousin on Saturday morning and Tracy gave her the impression that she thought we were living together, now I aint been mean here but I love my cousin, but she isnt the brightest, and I aint going to blame her for all this coming out, hell I need allies not enemies - but Carri was told basically that and that I had won money etc, so it came out.
When Carri phoned me and I gave her my reasons or not telling he, and for not being honest with my mum, she was like - I don't want to hear your excuses, you hide behind it all the time, she said you are clearly not well, holly i think you are delusional, you don't know what is reality and what isn't and you are living in a fantasy world. She said, I always would say, its okay she isn't well etc etc, but I can't justify your behaviours any more.
I wasn't trying to use it as an excuse, but to justify myself. I was ashamed to tell my mum she didn't want to live with me, right or wrong I was upset and I lied to protect my own feelings, yeah I knew the truth as did she, but I just wanted my family to think everyone was okay, and yeah that looks stupid now, but I didn't want my family to see how pathetic a person I am.
So if you are ever under her care when she is a mental hurse nurse, I feel sorry for you.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
But are you actually saying you are doing these things etc b/c of bpd though? It doesn't sound like that to me.
Just so you know though, it must be incredibly difficult for those who know us to watch the destruction re bring upon ourselves at times. Carri, may well be able to deal with things better in a work setting.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
