You could start with small things at first and build up. I started that way and it just increases. I must say I do sit there axiously while she reads but it does generally mean we have something to discuss and one day I might be able to speak my thoughts and feelings openly. I also get some embarressing stuff out that I would never dare say normally.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
wow i seem to miss alot when i dont visit for a bit.
Milla how do you feel about that.
Anyways ive been going to this self harm support group for the last few weeks, it is really crap, and has nothing to do with self harm whatsoever. I mean last week we did problem solving, and before that assertiveness.
The only thing thats making it bearable is that im friends with one of the other girls now, so we walked in giggling last time because one of the docs was called doctor dick, then we laughed even more at the stupidest things - fun times
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I'm glad that you've clicked with someone in the group, it certainly makes it a lot more bearable! I'm in DBT group and similar to you, laugh a lot with one of the other girls. It keeps us both sane during incredibly boring talks!
x
odd question... did anyone else with bpd write lots of stories when they were little about themselves dying? I found my old school books (age 9-11) and all my stories are about my death, written in 1st and 3rd person, in lots of different ways. Was just wondering if this could've been a pointer that things werent quite right.
~~I'm FINE...on the outside~~
~~Beneath the surface lies a shattered heart and an exhausted soul, simply longing... just longing to be whole~~
no, but i definitely think it could've been a pointer. i believe we do express a lot of things unconsciously or subconsciously that we're too afraid to express in other ways, or even be aware of.
i recently found a schoolbook of mine from being around 8-9 years old that contained page after page of very phallic images that i believe were an indicator of things i was experiencing at the time.
I'm too old to have any old school books but I remeber being so convinced that I was going to die that night I used to stand in the corner of my room to afraid to fall asleep. I knew without doubt that I was going to die and the moment I closed my eyes it would be the end. I'd wake up the next day on the floor in the place I had been standing.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
I dont think i ever wrote anything really at school , but i remember writing a 'goodbye letter' to my mum , my best friend at the time and other people when i was only like 10-11 and thinking about 'what if i was dead' and that sort of thing. Like...and i quite often thought about it even when i was like 8-9.... Didnt think much of it at the time.. but looking back now i guess it wasnt normal.
I also used to want to be hurt... and ill... which i suppose isnt right either
and maybe was a bit of a sign
xx
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
I'm nervous. Got an appointment with a Pysch at a different CMHT to get a second opinion. Hopefully going to discuss the possibility of PTSD instead of BPD. It doesn't seem right that I was diagnosed with BPD based on a particularly bad 3 months. For 8 years I didn't fit the criteria. I had a bit of a 'breakdown' for three months, and I'm stuck with a label despite me not fitting the criteria.
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
Well, I got the result I hoped for. He thinks I fit the PTSD criteria much closer, and will recommend CBT and a few meds to my usual Pysch. I'm wondering if I should enquire about switching to him, he was much more approachable, spoke to me with respect and was very helpful.
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
To answer your question, ems, yes. Although with a slight twist. When I was 6, I wrote a story about my being an orphan, alone on a beach.
Probably more a sign of emotional neglect than borderline as such.
I'm glad your got things settled, quatia.
I have both borderline and PTSD stuff going on, but it's not diagnosed separately medically [is *unofficial, but recognised, by my psychotherapist] in my case - they gave me a primary diagnosis of longstanding depression, which covers most things.
What are your experienced of dissociation. My psychologist thinks I'm doing that when I injure, I know my reality is not the same as now but I don't think it can be classed as dissociation.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
oh .. shi- well it's funny, to look back and see the mess that i was in
