Kerry & Ange, I read mostly anything except pure romance (unless it's classical, like Pride & Prejudice or Wuthering Heights), most sci-fi, and Westerns. I hate those, lol. Right now I'm relaxing my brain reading some young adult stuff, also New Moon of the Twilight saga... and a few other, more "difficult," adult-level books. I love to read and it's not usually difficult for me at all, but sometimes concentration is an issue. :(
Don't feel great right now... PTSD issues and all, had difficulty in church this morning due to that. I actually cried... I hate it when I cry. :( I have to talk to my parents about the abuse but I am really really scared & I don't know when I ought to do that...
*hides in very dark corner to cry some more*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Yeh, it is rough... posted a thread about it in the A&B forum... anyone can check it out if they want to, give advice there rather than hijacking the thread here (like that would happen >_<).
Glad you're feeling a bit better, Irene. :) *hugs*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I'm sorry you're not feeling so great April. Crying isn't anything to be ashamed of. As for talking to your parents, you will know when the time is right to bring it up, I'm sure. Take care of yourself.
Irene, I'm glad you're feeling better too! Have you had a good weekend?
Football was fun. I really can't sleep this evening though, and I really thought getting some fresh air and having a run around would help. I'm feeling stressed about my finals again, which is supid because they are MONTHS away. Every time I think about them it feels like someone is gripping my stomach and twisting it, and then my heart starts pounding and I feel sick. Ugh.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
That's the thing, Ange... I don't know if I will know when the right time will be to bring it up. I don't even know if there is a "right time" - I mean, obviously there are bad times, like when my parents are worried/occupied with something else... but... oh ****, I don't know. :( I'm just really scared about telling them.
I understand being worried about finals... though try to look at things in perspective - you have months to prep for them, learn all you can about the topics they cover, etc. You'll be fine. :) You seem to be very bright... so try not to worry (kind of stupid advice, I'm sorry :-X). I understand though - I am already worried about my final grades for my classes although they only start tomorrow!! Silly us, lol. :P
I'm glad that football (soccer?) was fun... hopefully you managed to get some rest last night. It sucks being awake and alert... probably the endorphins from the exercise still keeping you up - what do you think?
I have to go to Walmart today to get notebooks & stuff for uni. I'm nervous... I also have a phone session with my therapist in about half an hour... I'm nervous about that as well. We've only had one phone session before and it didn't work out that well, but that was years ago. Blah. :(
I also feel like bingeing. Stupid stupid me.
Katie, Kim(s), Irene, everyone else I'm forgetting (lol) - how're you all doing today?
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
April, can I give you a hug? I don't have words right now, but I hope your therapist session went well.
I am feeling seriously triggered. I want to severely damage myself. I don't know what's brought this on. I haven't self-harmed in nearly a year. I don't know what to do ot fix this.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Hugs are always welcome, Ange. :) I am a very huggy sort of person.
My therapy session was ****. It only lasted 20 minutes when it's supposed to go 45-50 minutes, and we didn't cover anything important, like the bulimia or the PTSD hangover etc., etc., etc.... ugh. So now I feel so stupid for staying home & having a phone session that wasn't as good as the real thing would've been. Oh well.
Went shopping this morning and got an Alice in Wonderland shirt... it's black (favorite color) with Alice sitting & having tea on the front in shiny blue. Hehe. I also got some school supplies - notebooks & a binder. Blah. I am so not ready for school to start... and it starts tomorrow!!!!!
I feel like ****. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*squishes Irene back* I'm glad that your day went okay. Boring admin stuff? :) bet it's good feeling to have that out of the way!!
Ange, sorry, I forgot to respond to the bit of your post about being triggered in my previous post. I agree with Irene, try to lose yourself in something - distraction distraction distraction!! I don't have any bright ideas about how to handle SI triggers, even though I struggle with the same (usually I give in which is NOT the best thing to do, I know). Just keep your mind off it as much as you can. *cuddles*
Just did part of my workout & feel a little better, which is good. I took it easy this time, because of just getting over that stomach bug, but it did feel nice to get back into the routine. My abs aren't happy with me right now though, lol. :P Am drinking some VitaminWater though... yummilicious.
I don't know what I will do about the fail therapy session this morning. Probably just ignore it. :-X Next session will (hopefully) be in person which will be better. I think my T gets distracted when she doesn't see me face to face... I dunno though. *shrug*
*cuddles everyone*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
the sickness is back... was ok over the weekend...had a wave of nausea at one point but is was ok....
ergh today has been horrid... my stomach feels strained and bruised.
fun
Aw Becci, I'm so sorry to hear that. :( Do you have any idea what it is? 'cause it doesn't sound like a "normal" stomach flu. They usually are over in a few days, it seems... I hope that you feel better soon. *gentle hugs* Just try to drink ginger tea or water so you don't get too dehydrated.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Irene: mums are like that, aren't they? My mum is a great source of comfort to me when I'm low, and a great source of irritation when I'm not!
April: I love that post-exercise feeling when you know you've worked yourself hard. Phone therapy sounds difficult and awkward to me; maybe at the next session you can discuss it with her and let her know that you prefer to meet face to face. Don't be too disheartened, it will take time.
Becci: sorry you're feeling so sick, that sounds horrid. I agree with the above, make sure you drink plenty of fluids and try and eat a bit of bland food if you can.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering - SI
I made a compromise with myself and did self-harm, but not so bad that I can't suture it myself, and no petrol involved. I feel exhausted but I've stopped shaking. I needed it. Now I can draw. There is just so much sadness today.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
*holds Ange gently* Hun, I'm sorry that you slipped into SI... are you trying to quit? or are you kind of ambivalent about it? I hope for your sake that you will start on the journey of quitting... but I am being a hypocrite, because while I have not SI'ed in over a month, the last time needed hospital attention. :-X But eventually I will stop... and I hope that you will too. Are you sure that it doesn't need hospital attention?
What are you planning to do to distract yourself? and do you have any idea what's making you so sad today? *more cuddles*
I'm getting the crash that I get at the end of exercising... it sucks... I am so high & happy for a little while then BAM I fall off the tree on top of the mountain and land in a prickle bush and in the dark, and can't get out for hours. :( I feel like rubbish... again. I'm sorry. :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
April: perhaps have some nice food? I know I can get a bit grumpy/miserable after exercising if I have low blood sugar, so maybe that might be a reason you feel low? A nice relaxing bath might help too?
I haven't SI'd in AGES. I'm ambivalent. I needed it tonight, so it's fine *shrug*. I can suture (stitch) probably better than most nurses at A&E, and have suture materials etc so it's fine. I'd much rather sort it out myself. I have done LOTS of drawing (I am doing a new elephant, which I'm pleased with so far) and just went to the loo and realised I have somehow got graphite smudged ALL over my face...?!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Well, I'm glad that you can take care of yourself if need be. :) I would be scared to stitch myself up, though, but that's just me. Hehe. How you doing now? how's the elephant coming along? I look forward to seeing it too - never seen any of your drawings. Do you have a thread in the picture forum for them? *hugs*
Irene, not sure if steadier/gentler exercise would help my mood more. Yoga seemed to when I took the class back in fall 2008, but that was probably a one time thing since I don't think I have time for it this term. And I like the exercise regimen that Vince has put us on... it's just that I'm going to have to cope with the mood swings. I'm bipolar so I'm sure that somehow that plays a part. :-/ I just don't know how much. And I don't know what other things lift my mood... it's usually really low, usually feel pretty crappy, can't really remember the last time my mood was elevated at a "normal" level without exercising or something to look forward to, if that makes sense. :-S
*sigh*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Erm, well, I look forward to getting packages/letters in the mail... lol. And going places, and having weekends free of schoolwork to play WoW or read... I dunno, just stupid stuff.
The yoga class I took was very aerobic... everyone was sweating by the end. Hehe. It was an awesome class... maybe I'll be able to go once a week this term, I don't know. It's much more difficult getting myself to do it by myself at home, especially as we don't have much room for it.
I'm really tired... it's been a long day.
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I just got back from the psychologist - I cant believe i actually told her some things - im relieved but also extremely anxious...she wants to see me again on thursday but someone will have to cancel for that to happen. OMG I* cant believe im doing this...for so long ive kept secrets and now im choosing to talk more...this is a good thing right? Im not bad for telling right? im trying to calm myself down ''its going to be alright''...it will be wont it?
*cuddles Kerry gently* It's a good thing, sweetie, that you're finally opening up. Trust me, it is. That way you can get the help that you need. I'm so proud of you, love!! It is difficult to be honest with people when you're so used to hiding things & hiding behind a mask, etc., so way to go!! *does a happy dance* Hehe. :)
Thanks Irene. *hugs* I could try to arrange for two things that I can look forward to a week... it would help if I would actually be responsible and get my homework done during the week rather than during the weekends, because then I would have the weekends to study & play WoW & read & hang out with Jarrod, etc. I know that I'll have one thing to look forward to - having lunch with my bestie once a week - but I'm not sure when that will be as we've not compared schedules yet. :-/
I'm worried about classes today. Health Psych and then Advanced Counseling Techniques... and I don't think that either of them will get out early despite the fact that it is the first day of classes. Boo hiss. Heh. They're both pretty strict profs, although I do like them & they know about me & my problems. So that's good.
*cuddles for everyone*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Kerry - well done, it's really brave of you to discuss difficult things. It is a good thing that you opened up, honestly. Take care of yourself *hug*
April - your studies sound interesting! It's great that you have teachers that you like. Hope you slept well last night?
My drawings were up in the Creative Corner btw if you want to have a look, prob a few pages back by now though. I'm eating a VERY spicy curry to warm me up as have been outside all morning with cows getting very cold!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
which is NOT the best thing to do, I know). Just keep your mind off it as much as you can. *cuddles*
