sorry that youre struggling with bpd....i do understand but it can get better, it really can xx
Hi Joanie how are you today xx
Love the flowers Mari xx
Hope you are well Lottie xx
Hope you have a good evening Hollz xx
Glad dbt went ok Cheryl, youre doing really well hun xx
Well done for not having a drink Carrie...Im amazed as to how many calories
there are in drink and i have cut right back now...glass of wine in the evening and thats it for me now xx
Too many calories in alcohol, as my cpn reminded me today.
Things was okay, David is away, we watched a few dvds but he needs to go home to make sure his wee brother gets to bed, and he takes his meds early as well. Or maybe I scared him away.
Well I am home alone, having a drink, so yeh and i relented and had a dominos, so much for super thin hollz mmmm.
I used to drink strongbow all the time but dont drink cider a lot now as it has more calories in it than pretty much anything else :S
Im so fukkin bored now, dnt wanna be on my own tonight, right now.
Last edited by Hollz : 04-03-2010 at 10:07 PM.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
I'm feeling quite low tonight. I was watching American Idol to distract myself but they have decided to split the programme in half and the next half isn't on til 2230. I think I am going to take my night meds now and watch some Star Trek on dvd.
Hope you all have a good evening
xxx
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Sounds good, I really should take my meds and go to bed as I know I am going to just be sitting here myself, with drink, but I dont think I can go to bed this early.
Finished all my smirnoff ices, waste of calories anyway, going to have the bottle of wine i bought last night, but didnt drink
Crisis team are meant to be phoning me before 10, and my cpn in the morn, just wish David had still been here or that or even nikki, but no - she goes away on sunday for 4 weeks.
mmmm david says i have awesome hair and he is sorry he had to go, he is annoyed as he had just plucked up the courage to put his arm round me when he had to leave....so maybe i aint scared him, and i should have coz i spilled pepsi just before he arrived and i had to mop the floor so i smelt of bleach and then i sat and ate a dominos, why does he not find me digusting, I find myself disgusting and why is the fact he has hallucinations coz of his meds not freak me out, and we sit and talk about recent hospital admissions we both have, like we are discussing eastenders, is that good, bad or indifferent? ....he says I am just awesome in general, now he does know I tried to walk infront of a bus last night, and he still thinks im awesome, sorry I just cant get my head around that at all.
Last edited by Hollz : 04-03-2010 at 10:43 PM.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
evening everyone.
how are you all?
Sorry ive not been around life is madness atm.
xxxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
It's understandable and you shouldn't feel guilty for not being able to support others right now. Everyone goes through times when they can't.
Is there anything we can do to help you? x
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Im dreading convo with my cpn tomoz, I think she is going to make me go to hosp, well she indicated as much today, held her off till tomoz but she said if i dnt sound ok, its either ip or crisis intervention team
I have taken my quetiapine now for tonight, just waiting to sleep, hoping tomoz will be okay.
Last edited by Hollz : 05-03-2010 at 08:19 PM.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
I cant stay here, its just making me worser being on and everything inbetween, holly i dont think you get how much what you did affected me or triggered me because of the situation it put me in. When i lived in halls a few years back my ex friend cut and od right infront of me and her friend was doing it too, its a horrible situation to be put in because you cant do anything, all i could do was call an ambulance and go to the hospital with them, but they acted like it was such a joke and it was a cool thing too do, but it wasnt. Oding and going to hospital isnt fun, its not a joke but to do it infont of someone and not care and put your actions into their hands is just, its too much.
I cant be resoponsible for other people and i cant get emotionally involved either anymore. I never wanted to be like this again, be torn between your heart and head.
But maybe im more upsent because when i mentioned the incident the other night no one was even concerned how it affected me, it was all "i hope shes ok, you get her help ect" no one even bothered asking how it affected me. i guess that sounds selfish
Sorry holly, i didnt want to drag this out and i know your sorry and i understand you wherent in the best frame of mind, but i cant pretend like its not affecting me either, it just brought back stuff.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Well as I said I am sorry, and I know you know I am, and I am sorry for putting you in that position and your right, you didn't need it and of course it may have been triggering, if it had been you, then yeah, I would have felt the same, as you do I guess.
I wasn't in the right frame of mind, obviously I wish it hadn't happened and I am sorry it did and I hope you are okay too.
I appreciate your support xxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
morning everyone.
just popping in to say i hope you all have a good day!
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Hey Mari, I'm sorry you feel like that. I did try to support you and point out to Hollz how it must have made you feel. Just because you don't feel you can support others doesn't mean you shouldn't come on here - we can support you.
xxx
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
It seems that I do have BPD, I think my psychiatrist has confirmed it because my psychologist wrote that in a letter to occupational health. I can't cope with this. I know a diagnosis doesn't change what I am going through but my psychologist keeps telling me that the prognosis is bad and that I am likely to feel suicidal throught my twenties. I need out of this hell.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
