xxcanthelpmyselfxx - I can relate to you and your words are beautiful but sad...I'm sorry that you're struggling. It must hurt so much for other people to see the scars of their loved ones, but he shouldn't make you hide :[ I also know what you mean by wanting to start anew. Is there anybody in your life you can talk to about feeling like this? Take care *hugs* xx
XxNever Give UpxX - You're not intruding at all, I just joined too and I felt a little bit like that when I posted, but honestly, nobody minds! We're happy you posted. I'm sorry that you've been having a tough time, and I do understand what you mean about often feeling like everybody and everything's against you. It's horrible :[ But honestly there are people who care - we'd still care even if nobody else did, and I'm sure they do.
Is there any way to sort things out with this person? I know it's horrible when people who were once close aren't so close anymore. A friend who used to be close to me decided weeks ago to not spend time with us or talk to us anymore after a lot of arguments which hurt a lot because it was so final. I also feel guilty a lot of the time, and I often don't know what I feel guilty about exactly. It's quite general saying that I mess up things, and if you really think about it there will always be good things that you've done even if you have made mistakes, which everybody does. It's not your fault that you feel bad. I understand what you mean by feeling there is no hope for you, and I feel hypocritical writing this, but...there is. You are an amazing person and if you can keep yourself alive, you will feel happy at some point in your life and you will do good things with your life. It's hard to give you any helpful words but just remember that. Is there anything else upsetting you? Don't be afraid to post *hugs* xx
I'm actually on holiday in a different country at the moment visiting my grandparents. Thankfully I can still get the internet here. I was really stressed about coming for a long while, and because quite recently I attempted suicide I didn't honestly think I'd be alive to come here. I kept planning to try again and getting stopped or not being able to go through with the plans for certain reasons which would make them fail. I'm still struggling with suicidal thoughts, but I've made up my mind to just stay alive and not try anything at least until I get back into the UK, which gives me at least until Friday. The main reason for this is because it would be the worst thing for my family especially for me to kill myself here. I'm not saying that it would be good anywhere...but what I'm saying overall is that for now I'm not going to do anything. The thoughts still haven't gone away though, and I'm trying not to plan specifically to do anything when I get back. So at the moment I'm stressed but safe, and confused with the way life is in general.
FadeawayCassie:- Thank you :) Everything you've said is so true! Some days I can be on top of the world and then before I know it, I'm down and depressed. Just one little simple thing can trigger it off, and I hate it! I have tried with this person, on numerous occasions but it's a sort of situation where everyone buts in and it really annoys me. Every time I think of how close we were, I'm filled with guilt! I blame myself because it was me who said two things I shouldn't of. For three months, we didn't talk and we wouldn't even look at each other and we're only really just getting back 'talking' but every time we do, I get thick or she gets thick and it just drains me. But no matter how hard I try I cant seem to forget or let her go. And I just want us to go back to the way we we're, but thats never going to happen and it kills me inside knowing that it's true. I hope your OK too. :) And thank you for your kindness. Xxx
I Want To Forget, But I Cant! Because The Truth is, I Love You
Cassie: No worries, we all have stuff to do other than post here :) Thanks, overall it went alright in the end, which is a relief.
I'm sorry the thoughts are still there, but it's great that you have a goal in mind before you decide anything! That sort of reminds me of the "15 Minute Game" that some people do when they want to self harm, and I was wondering if you do that often before following through any plans? Or if there's anything you can do in the 'thinking stage', like listening to music, going out with friends or something? If you just want to say something, I'm always free to listen xx
XxNever Give UpxX: Is there any chance of talking about what set off this distance between you? I don't know if it would be helpful to come to some sort of positive closure, e.g. let her know how you feel about what you said? Also have you done anything previously that has helped you calm down when you felt like this? *hugs* xx
shadowedsoul: I'm sorry you feel like that, is there anything that's making you feel this way? Also have you tried screaming? Quite a lot find it rather helpful, as a way of letting all the emotions and feelings go. I hope you feel better soon *hugs*
dark0fday:- We have talked about it over and over, but it just turns into one big argument when we do. Every time we talk to each other, one of us gets thick and it really hurts as we were so close and now nothing. I keep bringing up about what happened and she just gets mad when I do. We have both said we are done with one another but we always come back and end up talking. It's really complicated but she knows I have depression and has talked with me about it, but has told me that she cant talk about it anymore as it upsets her that I would do such a thing. It hurts though as I cant tell her that she's partly the cause of it. This is going to sound crazy, but I don't actually know what calms me down. Thank You For Your Kindness! :) Xxx
I Want To Forget, But I Cant! Because The Truth is, I Love You
hmm thanks darkofday. hmm right now im trying to sort some stuff out thats going around in my head. that i finding hard to deal with, and admit to even myself, just so damn confused and lost right now, i cant scream as i live with my mum and dad and they would wonder what is wrong. sorry im making no sence at all, should just shut up sorry
Kinda, somewhat, maybe... Afraid to just say yes I guess. Often feel I make myself think about it because there is no other explanation to why I feel it or think about it! I know I dont and wont cause I know the pain but why then? Maybe I am just making it up, for attention? I dont know, just want it to stop!
Yet I dont. People dont like me and many hate me but cant tell them they cant when I do so to. Very hypocritical! Dont know what to do???? So drained and empty at the moment as well!
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
ugh feeling even more suicidal today. really want to die, just got some good and bad news and its now going to a hell of alot harder dealing with stuff. damn it everybody in my real life seam to be catching breaks. when does mine come around. or is that never going to happen. just feel like giving up. fml .
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
I want to die, just cant imagine doing it... I want it so badly, but havent the strength... Why do things have to be so hard to manage when i most need it to be easy... No one is prepared to help. They pretend they care, but when i most need help they abandon me. They leave me without options. When i need to talk they turn away.
Just because I'm smiling it doesn't mean I'm Happy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm not actually sure about that.
I am currently:
I have just been told that when our garage was an outdoor toilet, a girl around my age hung herself in there... The original beams are still there... In my current state of mind, this is not helpful... it brings up too many possibilities. I need to stay away from this stuff, but it is all over the place... Chopping vegetables, every old cieling... I'm scared for myself. Because i dont know if i can control urges to cut too deep, od or something bad... I hurt.
My life is hell, and I don't give a shit about anyting. All I want is for the pain to be gone, it's not that hard, right? Of course not, it's the bottle of pills sitting next to me...
"They say time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♀ + ♀ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥
Love is love
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
I SH to keep my sanity in this chaotic mess that is pulling me in further but, when will it be more than that and I am gone? Because of everybody loses the game of life one one da, just a matter of when, or how soon? Will or does it matter, ay of it or this? Dont know!
Got to thinking just a bit ago, how long will it take till I am no longer thought of, talked about, or remembered afterwards? Doesnt seem like it would be long, perhaps because it wouldnt be long!
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
XxNever Give UpxX - That's alright. It's sad that things with this person aren't so great, but don't blame yourself for it. And if you both care about each other, maybe with time you'll talk properly again. And if not, you'll meet lots of other great people in your life who will make a difference. I hope that you're okay, how are you now? xx
shadowedsoul - Good things will happen to you, they happen to everybody. We need the bad things to make the good things seem good :) I'm really sorry that you feel this way, maybe you could read the bottom paragraph? Whichever way we're here for you, how are you at the moment? xx
Libz - It's true that everybody dies someday, but it's not your time yet :( I know how you feel but there is hope. Is there anybody you can talk to about these things? I'm sorry that I don't have much good advice, but I really hope that you try and keep yourself safe xx
Mayhem - Please try and stay safe :( That's terrible about the girl who hung herself. It's really sad thinking about it, and it would be just as sad if you did something to yourself. I understand what you mean by everything you see making you think of these things. People do care, honestly, and we're here for you as well xx
ICPfandom - Oh no :( I hope you're still here, I really do. And I hope that you didn't go ahead with it so much, you deserve to live and to be happy. If you're reading this and still here and feeling suicidal please call someone, tell somebody close or at least call a helpline if you can't do anything else. We're thinking of you *hugs* xx
band nerd - Please don't do anything :( I know that it can feel like the only way sometimes but there is hope :( I wish I had something better to say to you, but it's hard to think of the right words. I hope you're still here and reading this, what's going on with you at the moment? xx
icecreampop10 - I'm sorry that you feel this way. :( I understand what you mean about nothing cheering you up, it often feels like you just don't enjoy the things you used to anymore. But if you hang on and live until old age, you will be happy again at some point and find things that cheer you up. What's going on with you at the moment? I hope that you're okay, or as okay as you can be xx
To everybody: I read some of this on another website, the rest is from me. Please just tell yourself to hang on, even if for a little while. Tell yourself just to hang on for a certain amount of time, whether it's an hour, 24 hours, or a week. Just let yourself have that little bit more time. Think about the things that make you you, the things that you're good at and the things which are important to you. Try setting yourself goals, and making a routine. Write a "things to do before you die" list. Just give yourself time, even if it's just a day. And please, just talk to someone, whether it's someone close to you, whom you trust, or a confidential helpline. Or stay here and talk to us, it really can help.
Thanks. Not many people can take their own advice that they give. But you can get through it to :)
Woke up this morning and first thing that comes to my mind?? Jumbr by Third Eye Blind. Song about suicide. I woke up and instantly began to'instinctually' sing that song. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? Correction: WHAT IS NOT WRONG WITH ME?????
"Feel faded and not worth it... Though I know this is not the end... This is the life I ont want you back in..."
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven
xx
