RIP Jean, 1 year already.
You were a lovely lady and I'm sorry you were in so much pain at the end even if it was partly your own fault due to smoking.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
I went out to see you before... it hurt seeing the dirt still... knowing you were somewhere underneath... that you werent racing around anymore... like you were doing right up until your death
I will always love you and you will always be in my heart
I love you jackie
r.i.p
sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙~
my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
all those children saying 'mummy' all day. why couldn't i hear you saying it too.
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
Thought of you yesterday, for the first time in a long time. Thought about asking directions to the cemetery. Still feel guilty that I didn't see you the visiting day before you died. I was a child, and I was afraid. So I said no, I didn't want to visit. And then the next thing I heard, you were gone. And I thought it was my fault.
And I haven't gone out there with the family because the emotion is uncomfortable...especially when I don't possess many memories of people in my life...or even just my life. But I do still think of you. I wanted to sit near your grave and talk to you for a bit - so you could know me as an adult. if it turns out I'm wrong and there is somewhere you go in the afterlife, maybe you can already see me.
You suffered more in your 5 years here then most people do in their entire life. I miss you. Mom's a total wreck. And I'm not much better. I loved you, I love you, and I always will. I wish you didn't have to leave. That cold December morning is one I will never forget. I hope that when I finally get the guts to kill myself, I'll be able to see you up in heaven on my way down to hell. I'll never forget you.
Love you and miss you William.
"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to."- Sophocles
Nearly two years. Feels like two decades. I miss you. Sitting in the car the other day, driving, I realised how much I really miss you. The realisation that I'll never see you again really hit me. It hurts, Grampy, it hurts. You're never going to see me driving. You never lived to teach me how to. I know that you'd have the answers to all these questions that pop up. I sometimes forget how you spoke, but then I hear Neil and I can hear you. I miss your laugh. That real laugh that echoed in your chest and only really happened when you were teasing me or Luke. Or when you played a joke on Grandma just to make us laugh, and she'd say something when she was getting annoyed with you and you'd laugh uncontrollably and we'd laugh too. Then she'd hit you on the head as she walked past and we'd laugh some more.
I do miss you terribly, but I don't think I could cope if you were here to see all of this. Maybe I wouldn't be in such a mess. I don't know anymore.
I love you.
There are remarkable things all the time, right in front of us,
but our eyes have like the clouds over the sun
and our lives are paler and poorer if we do not
see them for what they are. If nobody speaks of
remarkable things, how can they be called remarkable?"
Oh yeah Willie, I need to update you on some stuff.
1. I'm in high school now, freshman (haha it's not as scary as I originally thought)
2. Last March I started SI, but I'm doing a LOT better with it, I'm not doing it nearly as much. Sometimes I'll even go a week free.
3. Amanda moved last November, she loves it in her group home. And we're all happy that there's not as much noise :)
4. Mom's on antidepressants (which you might know how much I hate) and she sleeps a lot still.
5. Dad's probably the only sane one in the house (haha and you know how crazy he gets.)
We all love you and miss you buddy. I know that you'd only be 6 now and this is some heavy stuff, but you need to be updated. Love you xoxo
"Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to."- Sophocles
I wish I'd seen you one last time before you did it
I wish I'd kissed you
I wish you were able to live closer
I wish I wrote you more
I wish I sent you those Hello Kitty tattoos and the double erasered pencil
I wish I'd made you tell me what was wrong when you called
I wish I'd called before you did it
I wish I stopped you
I wish you were still here.
I miss you so bad
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
i wish you knew that mercileslly nagging me every time i forget to clean my room for a couple of days wouldn't work.
i wish you knew that wasn't helping.
i wish i could tell you that.
i want you to go away forever.
Words seem so useless but I miss you more than I can bear and youve left a mark thatll stay with me always.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I spoke about you today in my session.
It's your birthday on the 2nd of june you would of been 19.
It's then my birthday on the 11th of june, the one person i want to spend my birthday with and your in heaven :(
I still see your face in my dreams and im glad i do.
I sometimes think that i cant remember what you look like and then bang your in my dream and not changed one bit.
I think about you everyday lucy, yes its been over seven yrs but i still give you a throught everyday.
I sometimes hate life and why best i bured my best friend at 11, how bad is that.
I love you soooo much lucy and i miss you more and more everyday.
love you hunny.
please be in my dreams tonight i wanna see you and talk to you.
I know dreams ain't real but they help.
I hope you have found chris up there he will look after you!
xxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Location: In a glass vial in the pocket of a beautiful mind.
I am currently:
-screams-
:-< no
-cries-
rhap·so·dy - an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm. ♫
"Sacrifice is the most you can love someone." ♥
“Love was at best an excuse for stupidity, at worst a destructive, dangerous emotion that drove men to acts of annihilation which defied logic. It was a twisted, insidious sentiment used to justify everything from spoiling a child to destroying entire civilizations.”
It's been 5 years now... but I still miss you so much. I'm so sorry I didn't come and see you, that I didn't get to bring you that gift, and I can only hope that somehow you realise how much I loved you. You were a granddad to me, and I love you. I wish you could have stayed a few more years though, not just for me, but for Gladys.
It's your birthday on Wednesday, you would of been 19.
It's horrible that i've not shared a birthday with you seens we turned 11.
The last 7 birthdays i've been all on my own and it's horrible. Mum asked me what i wanted for my birthday and guess what i asked for you :( she said if she could bring you back she would do it in a flash.
Oh lucy i miss soo much it hurts to think about it.
I know this is mean to say but you are probably better off in heaven at peace because there are sooo many children i have seen that have lost their arms and leg and even brain damage because of meningitis.
As long as your a peace thats all that matters to me.
but i miss you soooo much.
xxxxx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
I think of you every day, without fail. I don't have to force myself to think of you because you had such an impact on my life while you were here. Sometimes, I think of your advice. You always had the best advice; I know that you probably would have had some good advice for me now. You were full of advice, but it was always meaningful advice, never generic. I try to imagine what you'd be saying to me now...but all I can hear is silence. My mind can't think of any advice, even when it's trying to emulate you.
I'm getting there; I'm going to make you proud. I miss you. It hurts, but it's nearly two years. They've flown by. I wish that when I was feeding you for that last time you had never tried to hug me and said those words: 'I'm sorry it's dragging on, I love you, goodbye.' I fall apart thinking about it. I can't let go of it.
I love you, always.
There are remarkable things all the time, right in front of us,
but our eyes have like the clouds over the sun
and our lives are paler and poorer if we do not
see them for what they are. If nobody speaks of
remarkable things, how can they be called remarkable?"
