Just talked to staff and let slip some abuse stuff I've never told anyone. Bit freaked that everyone will find out now. Not much I can so about it now though. Maybe it was a good thing I told someone. Feeling very fragile and shakey.
Well done for going to talk to staff, that's a positive thing to do.
Try not to dwell too much on what you let slip. It might be positive that you've opened up, but I'm sure it won't cause anything negative.
Can you try to do something nice to make you relax a little?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Had a bit of a messy afternoon. Thought I had unescorted but was only on the grounds not outside. I did something stupid which freaked me out so I passed out. Paramedics came and I was hysterically. They were restraining me, not entirely sure why think I was saying I could walk back to the ward but they said no. I was really upset and getting flashbacks and the paramedic was hurting me the way he held me which made it worse. Got dragged back to the ward and got a lecture. Wanting to self discharge but I'm on section still. Feeling very under threat from everyone. Paranoid. Managed some dinner though and haven't thrown it up.
It sounds like things have been intense this afternoon. It can be hard when there's been confusion about these kinds of things. Did you explain the misunderstanding to the people on the ward?
I'm sorry to hear the paramedics were so tough on you and hurt you. How are you feeling now?
Can you do something relaxing or soothing tonight to try to calm yourself down?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I explained to them but I don't think they believed me. I've been trying to relax and distract all day; watching Harry potter, talking to staff, talking to friends, talking to mum, going for cigs, listening to music, taking prn etc erc and I'm still really agitated and getting strong thoughts to cut or ligature. But I want to be off section tomorrow so I can at least go to the shop on my own and plan for discharge. Half nervous they are going to kick me out half nervous they're gona keep me here. Lol. Don't know what I want or need. I'm trying to stay stable but it's exhausting.
Not to sound harsh, but if you're still self harming in hospital and needing stitches and you might ligature what's the difference if you're there or not?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I suppose it's worth thinking about what you do find helpful in hospital; what it is that staff can offer to help, because from the other side of the screen it sounds like it isn't helping much, and in fact might be making things worse in regards to self harm.
For example - what can the staff do the avoid you self harming?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
They can take stuff away from me, which nobody is keen on doing, they can talk things through with me helping me plan out my time and just distract through talking and venting. They can give me meds which help. They can just generally be there for support.
It sounds like you want someone to look after you and to take the choices away from you - so that self harm isn't a choice, like by taking objects away.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Are they helping you with coping strategies?
It's all very well taking things away from you after you self harm, but that's not real life.
I get that it's easier for others to take responsibility, but you have the supported housing that can do pretty much the same.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm confused as to why others are encouraging Katie to think being inpatient is a bad thing? Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick, but I think you need to be somewhere where others can keep you safe, or safer than you would be at home.
I can understand the ambivalence about staying and leaving. Have you felt like being there has made a difference to your SH behaviours?
Perhaps it'd help to come up with a pros and cons list of being there to try to make things a little clearer in your head?
It's really good you're working with staff :) well done! Keep trying <3
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
It sounds like you want someone to look after you and to take the choices away from you - so that self harm isn't a choice, like by taking objects away.
Where did you get that from? I don't want the responsibility taken away hence when I said that 'nobody is keen on doing that' I was including myself in that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by youonlyliveonce
But u have support workers at home that can do most of that
Support workers can't give meds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cacoethes
Are they helping you with coping strategies?
It's all very well taking things away from you after you self harm, but that's not real life.
I get that it's easier for others to take responsibility, but you have the supported housing that can do pretty much the same.
Yes they are helping with grounding. They're not taking my stuff away from me. I know hospital is not real life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran86
I'm confused as to why others are encouraging Katie to think being inpatient is a bad thing? Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick, but I think you need to be somewhere where others can keep you safe, or safer than you would be at home.
Sorry - you said you wanted staff to take the tools away, so it sounds like you wanted them to take the option to self harm away? Sometimes its easier when we don't have a choice - when someone else makes that choice for us.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
