I talked to my nurse yesterday and I felt the most suicidal I have ever felt.... It's a miracle I made it home. That's really saying something too since I have attempted suicide before, but at that point I was high and didn't care if I lived or died (I nearly died) but this time I wanted death. I'm getting scared that I'm going to leave this earth and I can't do that. It would destroy my family. How am I going to get through this?
Rebel sounds like it wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself. Are there other reasons you are feeling so bad? We are willing to listen. Even if not, we understand. Please stay safe. You are worth fighting for!
Ugh, I have a plan and I really want to go through with it tonight. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel here. Everything is so hopeless.
Someone give me Disneyland
Take me there to Disneyland
And when I get to Disneyland
I'll stay!
Disneyland talk to us, what has you so distressed? Can you call a helpline? Go to a hospital? Talk to anyone? A friend? Hugs. Please don't carry out your plan... At least a while longer?
I really don't want to go to a hospital or call a helpline. I'm not even freaked out anymore. I just feel like such a failure with no good future to speak of. My life isn't amounting to anything and I doubt it will. Sleeping is the only thing I enjoy doing anymore, so not having to wake up would be so perfect.
Someone give me Disneyland
Take me there to Disneyland
And when I get to Disneyland
I'll stay!
Disneyland. I have sooooo been there. Hugs. Do you have a doctor? Are you on meds? Sh!t life sucks sometimes. But I can tell you that it is possible to come out of that black hole. There are pleasurable moments in the future that you aren't going to want to miss. I know it seems impossible and you probably don't care. Please let others care for you. There are people who would be very upset if you left. I don't want you to die. Is there anyone in your life that you love? I am living for my four kids. If it weren't for them,.. They save my life every day. Hugs to you. Keep talking to us
I can't tell anyone because they'd make me go to a hospital. Even the friend I've recently made who has been to hospitals and has a lot of similar issues would probably make me go there, which is why I haven't even told her. I've never been to a doctor out here and I really don't want to go-- if they hospitalize me, it's just going to make things worse. I have school, multiple jobs, and if I'm there instead of doing any of that, I'll get even more anxious about missing it. I just don't want to deal with any more responsibilities. I don't want to have to worry about my debts or my education anymore. I do have people I love, but I think my own problems are overshadowing my love of them. All I can think about is having all of my troubles end for me.
Someone give me Disneyland
Take me there to Disneyland
And when I get to Disneyland
I'll stay!
Disneyland where I live there is a crisis support line/team that comes to you where you are, so that you don't have to go to the hospital. Maybe there is something like that near you? I know you are scared about your responsibilities.... Just to let you know my experience... I'm in full time nursing school, and a mother of four children, a wife etc and I went into hospital for a month last oct. People helped, I was still able to go to classes once well enough, and I visited home often. In other words, life shifts around to meet your needs. It's better than you dying. That just tears apart the lives of those left behind.
I truly hope you get to feeling better soon and can reach out to someone. People really do want what's best for you if you give them a chance. Hugs
I've never heard of support teams that do that. I'll look into it though. Maybe that would help. It just doesn't seem like life's going to shift around to meet my needs. Everything is too stuck and I want as few people to know as possible. :-\ I don't know, we'll see what happens I guess.
Hug for you, Def! <3
Someone give me Disneyland
Take me there to Disneyland
And when I get to Disneyland
I'll stay!
I couldn't go through with it tonight... Mentally, I wanted to, but physically, I was unable. So I emailed the friend I was talking about earlier. I'm freaking out, because she just sent a text and said she wanted to take me to the ER. I'm begging her not to, but I'm freaking out and she's making me panic. So much for this!!
Someone give me Disneyland
Take me there to Disneyland
And when I get to Disneyland
I'll stay!
