InferiorityComplex... share this info with your therapist/social worker/community mental health team. you've found the strength to say what's happening here. maybe you can find a way of letting others around you know? things are worst when you're on your own with stuff (stating the obvious)
Facet... i see taking a step away so that you can gain perspective for yourself about what you need and what's important to you is healthy. i don't see you as stupid. far from it. your honesty and openness speak of integrity and i respect you
Hello everyone, thank you for your lovely patience with me. :)
I am walking around losing chunks of time, I hardly remember this semester of college. It's ending this week, so my stress shouldn't be affecting me as badly after that. I keep forgetting what day it is, what month, what year, who I am, where I am...I even forget how to do simple, everyday things such as driving. I am having killer headaches, and flashbacks to all sorts of things, and my sleeping is all off kilter.
Things are hard at the moment REI has been very paranoid and her voices are getting to her
we are trying to help her but we think we need help with this but we don't have a T
so we don't know were to go
We have been having more flashbacks of late tonight we are having some
They keep trying to make us eat. i wish they'd go away. Alice is helping me though ....
Oh and aparently i'm to blame for the pain and abuse. aparently it was all my fault because i'm a stupid pathetic worthless ****. Aparently i let it happen. let it happen? like i actually wanted that to happen to us? Laura's blaming it all on me. saying it justifies what she does to me, what she tries to make me do. and her act saying she loves Rose is really getting on my nerves. Why listen to her? is everybody except me completely stupid? does nobody learn from the past?
It's so hard not to talk as a plural. slipped up twice earlier. luckily nobody noticed.
and i'm sorry you're still having a hard time kat. pm box is always open if you need a chat. offers up for anyone.
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
So occassionally I float in and out. I feel like things are a dream sometimes, like my body is numb. Everything looks like deja-vu, and stuff dosen't feel real. I don't always feel like that, just sometimes. Is this dissasociation? I don't have other personalities, I know that for sure. Any thoughts?
"Nothing is quite so terrible as something done for your own good." Fred Blahut
Lord Jesus Christ,Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
hi im new to this thread but i gotta ask a coupla questions
u will all tell me to f off when i say this but latley i dont know what dissaiciation is exactly and i have beeen having episodes where the other day i thought i had to go to school and where were my books but like im 32
not good and i thought ppl were in my room but they werent here and when they were ther thought it was another day ??
does this make any sense or is it crap
and my thoughts dont make any sense i dont know where i am and they run into one another and i feel i dont know where i am who i am what im doing
can anyone make any sense of this
hi reallifetime... in an effort to be helpful i hope its ok if i suggest that you find a professional to talk to about this if you feel ok enough to do so. i can relate to not wanting to if that's the case. my concern is that getting some kind of 'diagnosis' through a forum on the web could be as damaging as much as helpful in the way that with best intentions, misinterpreting what's going on for you could lead you down a road that may be confusing and misleading, and i'd hate for that to happen. so... do you have a doctor that you trust enough to ask for a referral for an assessment (cos if you do that, lots of helpful things could come your way)?
thanks slacker
i see a physchiatrist regularly as i had 2 physchotic episodes three years ago and lately havent been feeling well
i told the doc i was feeling like i might end up back in hospital but he didnt sem to take much notice to be honest
Do you have any way of communicating with Vetis to come to some sort of...i don't know..agreement/ understanding? Sounds lame, I know, and it probably makes no sense because I don't even understand what I'm typing...wow, this was a pointless response.
reallifetime... doctors can be really unresponsive sometimes. could you let the local mental health team know so that you don't fall into the gap (between doc and psych)?
Last edited by slacker : 07-05-2009 at 12:07 PM.
Reason: forgot to write the name of the person i'm posting to
thanks slacker ill let my psych know when i meet them again but it was my psych who didnt want to hear but it wasnt her herslef ,she actuelly came to my house when i was depressed and was physically sick so shes very caring .its someone on her team but he thinks im just looking for barbs id say by the looks of things /cos i was extrememly distressed and went to him the same doc and he said up my seroquel and i was like that aint goanna help that just sends me to sleep .
ud nearly want to do something crazy b4 they would prescribe i swear but thats a difff story but thats why he wasnt listening to me
ill ask for diff doc next time and maybe they will listen to this
cos maybe theres something wrong with me they didnt notice
cos maybe theres something wrong with me they didnt notice
took a while for me to notice that i used the word 'wrong' in reference to myself and that it wasn't too helpful. i've learned to recognise that i have needs and difficulties, which are more self respecting. i'd wish that for you too (and if i'm wrong on this count, please accept my apology - just trying to be supportive)
Lau cut me. only shallow so it should heal in a few weeks. she wants to hurt people. i hate it. she doesn't even do it to hurt me, only other people. is it possible to kill an alter? it happened before but they threatened the littles. and it wasn't me that did it.
is it possible? is there any other way to make her go away?
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
*offers kat a hug* sorry things are so hard atm. try various grounding techniques if you havn't already. it's weird but i've found rubbing bare feets on a carpet helps. well helps me keep in control and focused sometimes if i'm slipping a bit. i'm probably a bit late saying that though ...
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
Sorry I've been so **** at supporting on this thread. I have been missing more and more time, and I'm scared and always confused due to time loss.
Doesn't help that I didn't have a good session today. Whenever my therapist mentions my DID, or anything remotely related to it, I get all quiet, and it's like I can't physically talk. I can't meet her eyes.
And today I got very angry at her because I overreacted to something she said. I asked her if we could just pretend the DID didn't exist for me, because I don't know the answers to the questions she's asking. I don't know how my system works, I don't know that much about my alters. She said it was hard for her to understand how my system works if I don't talk about it. "Megan, it already feels like we pretend it doesn't exist." No, it doesn't, because she keeps ****ing bringing it up! I told her it's not that big a deal and of course she pounced all over that. Then I got very angry, and she looked actually quite scared, which never happens. I don't know what the **** is wrong with me. I'm pretty sure Jade is lurking right behind me these days, because I get angry over anything and everything, big or small.
And I have to see my douche of a psychiatrist on Wednesday, and if he makes another joke about DID or cutting, I'm going to put his obnoxious face through a ****ing wall.
Facet... do you know what your therapist is trying to do? it may be helpful not only to you but others if the 'what and how' of the therapy. it can reduce the fear around what they're doing (particularly if they are psychodynamic therapists)
lostboys... think about you SO often and hope you're doing ok
as for me. been in a real mess for something like 3 weeks now. up and down and really, really flakey
