i dont think my brain can be damageed! with all the seizures and loads of seizures in a row and stuff and no evidnece of brain damage apar t from a bit of memorty loss but I think thats because they steal my memories rather than brain damage so I'm fine!!
well, not really because they keep stealng stuff from my brain!!! but dont knw what to do abotu it yet but i will thnk of somethig! like cutting my head open and reinfrcing my skull with titanium or somethign to stop them getting in!!!
IF this wa s any kind of episoede what would a doctor do?!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I wanted you to see how that you've had these manic episodes before, and how depressed you've been afterwards. These are your own posts from your various R/Vs.
I still dont feel right.
really not right.
i shouldnt feel this dead.
Quote:
I can't. I don't know. But yeah. I can't.
Crushing.
Quote:
Struggling to hold it together.
Get rid of it all.
Quote:
I'll just go to the local shop.
These thoughts are impossible to get out of my head. The local shop will be safer because there are less things to buy.
Although I've already got everything haven't I?
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
I cried earlier. No particular reason.
This is the type of mood where I'm not suicidal, but it feels like my body will act for me. Like at train stations, it feels like I'm physically restraining my own body to stop it from falling onto the tracks.
It doesn't get this bad very often.
Suppose I should avoid train stations, busy roads, DIY shops, my kitchen, pharmacies, hospitals.......I should probably just glue myself to the floor in the middle of an empty room.
Quote:
I spent all morning in A&E for something that I haven't done before. It's ok now, although I'm feeling really quite ill. I'll get over it.
And the very good thing is, apart from the first nurse asking if I was sure it was an accident, no one questioned it. Got away with it.
About an hour after the 'conversation' with my CPN, I felt like calling back and saying 'actually no, I'm not safe and things are fucking awful'.
But what would have been the point in that? It's been established that this is not a MH issue and they are MH professionals. There is nothing they can do. Going to have to deal with this alone. I can't though.
I was surprised that she mentioned that I didn't sound as excitable as last week and asked when I started to 'come down'.
In the care plan thing from my last appointment, the psych put that my mood was 'subjectively good, objectively euthymic'.
But maybe that was just his opinion? I don't know.
Although the fact that the psych doesn't seem to know what he's doing actually works in my favour, it's still pretty annoying.
For some reason looked back at some facebook posts from when I was in that weird happy mood a few weeks ago.
-Woah woah woah PANDA!!!! But it was a penguin that grew 3 times the size!!!'
-Different visions through different music. Brain goes into shock when music stops. Music can't stop!!
-POSTMAN PAT HAS A FUCKING HELICOPTER!! WHY?! IT'S SUCH A TINY VILLAGE THE LAZY BASTARD!!!
-Because awesome people that's why. That's why we do anything and everything. For people and mutations we're mutations really!!!! Aliens that landed a long long long long time ago. Or maybe the planet landed and the earth evolved from the sea or the sea evolved from the earth. Who knows?!!!?/
Noe what was I saying?! No fucking clue!!! Hahaha!!!
-Omg I literally just floated! Genuinely off this ground and everything!!!! Tripppyyy!!!
-About to lie down in bed then suddenly realised there a load of stuff I need to do!!! Wash stuff, put washin away, shower sweep floor cos theres load of frickin leaves everywhere!!! I wish theyd 'leaf' me alone. AHAHAHAHA!!! im hilarius!!
-damn radiotror tree!!!! i need a plant!!
-its like an endless ocean!! run backwards, find the YELLOW fish!!! just go to the underwater postal service!!! im sure they can help!
-MY RADIOTOR IS TURNING INTO A TREE!!!!!
- im npt quite sure wha t to do with a tree radiotor?! is that eve safe with the heat and stuff?!?
Eugh! I'm not even going to look for anything I posted on RYL during that time.
I can't remember a lot of the psych appointment, but if I was anything like I was when I wrote that shit, then I'm not sure how he thought my mood was 'subjectively good and objectively euthymic'.
lolololololol!!!
Hopefully that gives you a bit of insight into your patterns of mood and behaviour. My intention was to help you and not to distress you, but please let me know straight away if you want me to delete this post.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
But then i was posting mostly rubbish but these thigns actualy make sesne!!!
like how could they not be stealing my thoughts becaude i invent things in my head and then suddenlty they are invented and people are making millions out of them!!
You know I ctually invented the USB ports in cars thing!!! well, i thought of it and they stole it and then made it!!
anD portable phone chargers!!!
I have spoken to chels and she jsut says im manic or whateer and goes on to say that im really really annying!! :P
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I do not know how helpful this is, but I have thought of plenty of things in the past that should be invented, and then eventually they are. If it's something like a usb port in cars, it makes sense that many people would think of it and try to produce it. I'm not saying you are not smart, but is it really likely that you were the only person who thought of it, and that no other person capable of getting the idea off the ground did as well? Often there is a rush to patent things as many people have the side ideas at the same time.
Just a thought, and I don't mean it to be harsh.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
that mskes sense but I KNOW that they are steling my thoughts because it started happeingn when i was a teenager and they insterted the chip when i was 15 and they can steal my thoughts and save them friom the chip. need to block the signals somehwo. im sick of it!!!!
didnt soudns harsh :)
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
im trying its just like.....im really confused like i know mania and stuff is bad but i feel really awesome and can't see how its mania because i feel awesome but mania is bad?!?!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Nobody is denying that the high isn't fun, it's the fact that you'll come down and crash that's concerning. And you're still at risk of impulsiveness when you're high.
i havent been impulsive or anythign though except the 140 return to addrwess labels tht i have absoutely no memory of buying and wyh would i buy them because i dont send letters or anything!!! lol!!!
im not high enough for a crash to be bad!
i literally just think that its just that i was depressed or ages and the happiness was all building up and now im extra happy!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
i went in and rambles quite a lot and i was getting distracted by the pictures!! lol
he didnt really say antythig, just looked through some of my ntes and letters from hospital because stitches last week and stuff like that and discharge from crsis team letter nd stuff and just confirmed my ohne numbers and said hes get them to call me!! no explanation!!
i asked for some lsleeping tablet s and he said he'd prescribe zopiclone but i said it kept me awake (it does!) and then he said zozlpidem because he was like 'im not giving you temazepam' but then something cam e up on the screen adn he said actually i'll give you temazepam!
!!
i dont know what it was that came up :/
but yeah, he didnt really say anythign!!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
gonna head off in a bit! havent got a specifc time they were just like get here whe you can.
was so annoying becaue they didn tknow why the gp contacnted them because i told them i was feeling seriously awesome and everything is bright and amazing!!
and i asked them if they thought thehy neeedd to see me and they were like, what do you think?
and i was like, hell no!! i asked you!! youre the professional people so whats yur opinon on this! man!!
i think theyll think theres nothing wrong with me whih is cooll with me but im gonna see them anyway.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Omg!! They literally spoke to me for 5 mins and I told them about the stuff and not sleeping and they were like, well clearly you're not in a crisis just buy some promethazine and sleep! Lol!!!!
So I'm totally fine and irritated cos it takes me ages to get there and I was in there for 5 mins at the end they were like are you going to get promethazine and started walking out of the door and I said yeah and they were like cool, bye!!!
Lolz!
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I have to agree with the others that you do seem manic - especially with the spelling mistakes you're making which you've pointed out before as being there when you're manic and typing too fast.
You've said to people before that you get frustrated when people shrug off the spirits/others without even toying with the idea they're real...so can you do me a favour..? Can you go back in this thread and read from post #467 then compare the typing/writing style with the last ten posts you've made now? Are there any parallels?
I do hope you're able to stay safe.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
