She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Am worried about you and hoping you are ok.
If youre not at the house and youre not contactable...where have you gone Emma?
Hope youre somewhere safe xxx
Love you sweetie... sorry I haven't been here for a bit I've really not been feeling good. Hope you are alright. Please take care.
*much love and massiev hugs*
Ally
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
I told my Dad the WHOLE TRUTH as to what has been going on about 30 mins ago. The other night I got sectioned by the police because I went for a walk at about 4.30am. I was walking down my road to the woods to OD. The police pulled me over because of the time and after searching me sectioned me. I was taken to the police station where I spent 10 hours in a cell whilst my CPN, the crisis team, the police and my Psych argued over what the hell to do with me. Everyone except my psych wanted me in hospital but my psych won't let me be admitted.
I told my Dad the truth tonight because I just can't cope. It's such a simple but hard thing to admit but I just can't do it. I don't know how to carry on to be honest. Everything hurts. Telling my Dad was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I don't know what else is left or how else to cope.
Smack your pysch. Get a new one. *cuddles you tightly* i am SO proud of you for telling your dad. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that was for you. *cuddles lots and sends lots of love*
I love you sweetheart!!!!
*gives you a creme egg*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I've been there with a **** psych who wont admit you to hospital, even if you're really struggling.
I was on a drip for OD and the ****ing psych just said 'go home and don't do it again'.
Is there no way you can get a new psych? Can't you ask your CPN to change your psych? That's what I did.
xx
Im so sorry Emma.
If its any consolation my team dont want me in hospital either.
Theyd rather I battled it out at home and sod the consequences!
I hope that now your Dad knows the truth that maybe you can find some other type of help, maybe privately and more instant....as I feel thats what you need right now.
Thanks for the support guys, I am honestly really sorry I have been so **** supporting you all. I self harmed quite badly after posting that the other night and also took another OD and went to bed. Woke up 3 hours later with cramps and vomitting blood and took myself to a+e, some stitches and a 24hour antidote drip later and I am back home feeling sorry for myself, in pain and with instructions not to drink and appointments for another blood test next week.
My head is still really loud and busy though. Saw a psych liason nurse before I left and she said it says in my notes not to admit me lol. I burst in to tears and just told her I couldn't cope. See my CPN on monday, call the crisis team if necessary over the weekend. I don't know what to do anymore.
My Dad is looking into changing my psych but it seems quite hard to do where I am so I have no idea how long it will take. I just don't have the energy tbh.
I'm glad your dad is looking into that for you. HOney, you're holding on. Thats all we want from you. Pleeeeease keep holding on. *cuddles you tightly*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I'm glad to find out that your dad is on your side!
*hugs*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Emma, so sorry things are so bad. I want to encourage you though because this time last year I was in and out of hospital (medical wards) due to ods having to be treated. Despite me being so sick from the drip, I still kept doing it. I was self harming everyday, sometimes more. i was drinking myself into oblivion. I know this sounds hypocritical as I am still struggling but my self harming etc is so much more under control than it was. I too seemed to have pressed my self destruct button and did not know how to turn back but I have, very gradually and bar a couple of days under section it was without being in hospital. My housemate and her family (my own didn't know about anything at the time) couldn't understand why I wasn't hospitalised but I am glad I wasn't. They need to support you properly and it can be done outside of hospital but you and your team need to find a way of doing this safely. I know it sounds silly and you probably won't believe me but you can retreat from this cycle of destructiveness. Please stay safe hun.
*hugs tight*
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
xx
