I speak to people both ways. bluntly honest and softly honest. It just depends on the person i'm speaking to. I don't get pissed off and angry if someone gets upset at me becasue i was too harsh. i apologise and move on.
it's not that hard.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I speak to people both ways. bluntly honest and softly honest. It just depends on the person i'm speaking to. I don't get pissed off and angry if someone gets upset at me becasue i was too harsh. i apologise and move on.
it's not that hard.
Well aren't you just the best person in the world, let me find you a gold star.
You're talking as if you're perfect and you're not. And don't think yourself superior because you like to sugar coat everyhting. Just because you like things to be done your way, doesn't mean it's perfect, ok?
Fi, you are being rude. Please stop. We're trying to have a civil discussion here and the unnecessary sarcasm has gotten to the point that it is rude.
You said you have never seen truly bullying behavior on RYL. Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. People are also going to be a lot more receptive to your input if you put it nicely. It has nothing to do with cotton wool.
Communication is all about the sender, the receiver and the message. The sender needs to tailor the message to the receiver. Just like you wouldn't talk to a 5 year old like they are in college, you shouldn't be forceful with someone who is emotionally unstable.
Saying "You need to stop whining and get off your bum and actually do something, you're never going to get over this if you don't" sounds rather rude to me. As Jess said, if you know someone well, that approach may work. I would probably say something like that to Jess, or Erin or Kim if I thought they needed it, but I wouldn't post it in some random thread in Serious Discussion.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
i think this issue will be resolved by just simply adding this pic at the end of every post:
Surely no one could be offended after seeing that! No matter what!
:)
Sorry, just wanted to lighten up the thread :)
Your Mind Can Never Change, Unless You Ask It To. Lovingly Re-arrange The Thoughts that Make You Blue.
The Things that Bring you Down, Only Do Harm To You. So Make Your Choice Joy, The Joy Belongs to You.
Neither would I post it in some random thread, unless I thought they needed it. I'm not satan. And I'm not being rude, what about my example is rude? Explain it, please.
I've lost the point of this thread. My initial point is this.
Some people are too sensitive and need to toughen up, even grow up and recognise the difference between being honest and being rude, something that you clearly can't do.
I think you are missing the point. The point is not everyone has the same perspective, so what may sound rude to one person, isn't rude to another. If you want your message to be received well, you need to realize that and tailor the message to the audience.
The burden lies on the sender to properly voice the message, not the receiver to properly interpret it.
RYL is a support community, we aren't here to tell anyone "you're too sensitive, grow up and deal with it". The point is that we are here to help people at the point they are at now. Not change them into someone who will be receptive to your particular style of communication.
As Jess pointed out there are multiple different ways of saying the same thing. Adjusting the tone and the wording doesn't make the message any less valid, but it may ensure that the message is received properly by the receiver.
In plain English, when someone perceives you as being rude, they stop listening.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
No, the burden lies in both. *zomgyoufacepalmedmethatmustmeani'mstupid*
You keep using that example saying it's rude, and I'm asking what makes it rude, why can't you break it down for me?
Yes, not everyone has the same perspective, you could maybe have a go at absorbing that information too. There is a point you can cross if you're trying to get your point across so that the reader hears you, but if you're scared of offending them, you'll probably end up with something that's covered in cotton wool and won't have much impact therefore, possibly not helping them at all.
You're not actually reading what I'm saying, you're trying to find faults in my argument without taking it in.
You're not listening. Sometimes at this point in their lives, when someone posts sometimes they need a kick up the bum. Some people need it put bluntly, ti's a fact of life that has pretty much been agreed on by a few. So I don't understand why you're arguing. We're going round in circles.
You think softly softly is best. I think that a bit of a push is no bad thing. I'm not saying be rude. Could you please just read my posts, and actually take in what I'm saying, thankyou.
It's the tone, the fact it sounds very distant, uncaring, not interested the the persons problems. It makes it sound like they should just get over it, and their problems aren't real or as serious as other peoples problems. It isn't very helpful, it just tells them to fix the problem without actually giving them any ideas as to how to fix it.
I'm reading what you are saying. The issue lies in the fact that if you turn off the receiver with your very first communication, nothing you say is going to get through. It's not about offending them, it's about turning them off so they don't listen at all. There is a difference between being offended and just not listening.
There is a happy medium between the two extremes. Yes if you are too warm and fuzzy you are probably never going to help the person, but if you are too hard and cold you aren't going to help them either.
It's much easier to have an impact if you start with warm and fuzzy and move towards the middle rather than starting at hard and cold and move towards the middle.
You are also missing the point that the receiver is the one interpreting your attitude. You may not think you are being rude, but your tone is very rude and condescending. You have to look at how you are sending the message from their point of view, not yours.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Sorry guys, I just feel this isn't getting anywhere, and more and more people are getting upset, and the thread has become counterproductive, so I have locked it for now.
If you disagree, send me or any of the forum mods a PM and we will consider what would be best to do.
(Hope that makes sense, bit late and I'm a bit spacey.)
