Wow - this is amazing, so powerful, very well written, really got me gripped!
Just remember that you are more important than this story, and although we can't wait to read more, you should take your time and dont put this before you!
I really hope this isnt a true story, it's so painful already!
If it is I'm so sorry hun, and you know you can talk to me whenever, just pm or something.
I am sat here in tears cause it moved me so much, because I can sympathise with the emotions Laura feels in this.
Keep writing hun, even if you have no other fans (which you do have so this is a pointless comment) you have me!
Keep strong!
Sarah. xxx
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Okay here it is sorry its taken me a couple of days more than what i said, been busy with family. but here it is. hope you like it. (if theres any mistakes just want to apologise ive finished it off early in the morning ). keep the comments coming, their what motivates me.
Chapter 5
Dynamite.
I stand with my dads arms wrapped around me and hear a slight whisper of 'sorry' when he hugs me tighter and tighter. You would never believe that this is a man that i wasn't getting on with brilliantly when my mum was fine and at home with us.
'I'm so sorry Laura, i shouldn't of made you come in' Dad says to me as Mrs Bower leads us to a private room where we can sort through my school schedule.
"dont worry dad, really, its fine" i say to him with a slight smile on my face *at least it shows you care about me again* The next hour goes by fast as the three of us (Mrs Bower decided she would get her class covered by another member of staff so she could sort through this with me and my dad) sit in a private room talking through what is going to happen with my work, my exams and my school lessons. We all agree that me seeing a private tutor at home would probably be the best idea, that way i wouldn't have to come here to be sniggered at by all the nosey people at school. It would be just me and a tutor, the work i need to do and the revision leading to my exams.
"Can I go and see John for ten minutes please?" I ask them both and they both nod and I walk out of the room and make my way to see John. *what am i supposed to say to you now?* I knock on the classroom door and walk in, walk up to the teacher who then calls John to go out the room with me and all the while having the whole class watch me.
'What do you want to talk about Laura?' John asks me as we walk up the corridor towards the playground.
"she said you went to talk to her out me and about what happened" i say to him as we sit on a bench. He nods at me and looks at the ground
'I still care about you, that never changed' he says still staring at the ground
"so we're over for good?" i say to him and he nods
'But, John' he shakes his head and we sit in silence for what feels like an eternity but is realistically only a few second.
"Why didn't you tell me about the cutting?" he says, staring at my arm
'how could I? John, you were my boyfriend, i couldn't do that, i couldn't hurt you like that'
"It wouldn't of hurt me, Laura"
'You don't know that, you can't say it wouldn't of done if i had of told you' I say to him and he looks at me shaking his head
"But you didn't even try me, you didn't even try and see and trust me"
'I couldn't' i whisper
"you just didn't want to. you could of on so many occasions"
'Why all of this now? why now when we're over and now it doesn't even matter, i don't even matter anymore? all of this is pointless, i don't know why i got you out of class'
"why did you get me out of class?" he asks me
'because i wanted to hear you tell me you still love me, John. i want you to tell me that we're still together and i havn't ****ed this up too' tears start to collect in my eyes again and i take deep breaths to try get rid of the sadness
"you havn't ****ed anything up"
'i obviously have havn't i? my mums in hospital fighting for her life because of me and the love of my life doesnt want to be with me anymore'
"I'm going to get back to class, this isn't going to get us anywhere if you start blaming yourself for things that have happened" i start crying as he stands up
'please dont leave me, i'll do anything to keep you' i say between sobs. John leans foward and kisses the top of my head and then walks off without another word. I watch him walk back into the school without taking a look back. He's over me, us; just like that.
After a couple of minutes I get up and walk to meet my dad and Mrs Bower in the room where we were before
'can we go?' i ask dad and he nods
"did it go okay with John?" he asks me
'lets just go okay'
"Thank you for your help today, Elenor" Dad says to my teacher as they shake hands and i walk as quickly as I can out of the school gates and up to our car. *I cant do this without you*
After five silent minutes in the car I realise where we're going; the hospital.
'oh great' i say out loud
"what?" dad asks keeping his eye on the road
'we're going back to this place' i mutter
"you have to see your mother again at some point, its been a couple of days now" *you know why i dont want to see her*
'doesn't make it any easier or better for me to see her, i only go because you all make me'
"well wait in the car then" dad says as he pulls into the car park
'i'm not sitting in here for an hour or two waiting for you to come out' I get out of the car and slam the door behind me and drag my feet behind dad as he walks into the hospital and checks us in. I hate coming here and seeing all the nurses with fake smiles on their faces. Because a smiles going to make everything get easier!
"The doctors are saying that it might help your mum if you talk to her" dad says to me and i cant help but laugh
'it will probably put her more into a coma' i mutter
"For goodness sake, Laura! your mum is in there connected up to a life support machine clinging to life and all you can think of is yourself. if your not coming in wait out here" he says to me as he walks into the room where my mum is, I follow behind him and watch as he kisses my mum on her head
'Why do you do that?' I ask him and he looks at me
"because shes my wife" he says
'what a joke! she doesn't love you. she goes around and shags everything that walks, thats not love' i snap at him and he stares at me in shock 'shes a whore, cant you see that?'
"dont talk about your mother like that, young lady!" Dad says steernly as I stare at him feeling anger building inside of me. Everything topped on another, each and every second keeping it there is making it more and more difficult to deal with. I feel like i'm a dynamite thats running out of time.
'we all know it,you know it, i know it, Chris knows it' i start walking back and foward over the same spot 'shes an awful mum, do you know that?' i shout at him and he just stands there staring at me blankly 'shes made me like this, shes the one that did this, the reason why this is happening to me'
"Laura please stop it" he says to me calmly
'stop what dad? telling the truth? that SHE doesnt deserve everything that she has. she doesnt deserve a husband like you, because you give her everything she doesnt deserve. she doesnt deserve those children, she just doesnt deserve it' all of a sudden theres lots of beeping and doctors running around 'take the easy way out, wont you MOTHER?' I shout as dad drags me out of the room and sits me down.
"whats happening with you Laura? wheres my little girl gone?"
*help me dad, oh god please help me*
**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
THIS CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING AND IN SOME PLACES GRAPHIC. PLEASE TAKE CARE WHILE READING.
Chapter 6 Forgotten memories; arise again.
Dad, Chris and myself sit in silence in the relatives room as we wait to hear from the doctors again. Chris came rushing to the hospital as soon as he heard mum had taken a turn for the worst and has not spoke a word to me since he got here. Him and dad went outside the room to talk in private for a few minutes and ever since they came back in, we've been sat in silence. Every now and then they both look at me, taking it in turns and going to say something but stopping themselves before they do. I know as much as they do what they want to say.
The short, overweight doctor with greying hair comes in and sits on a chair next to dad and talks hushly to them both as i'm sat on the other side of the room staring at the floor twiddling my thumbs and replaying what had happened over and over in my mind. What have I done? Once the doctor has left, Dad comes over and sits next to me
"did you hear what he said?" dad asks and i shake my head keeping my eye on the floor "your mums woken up. she took a turn for the worst for the bit, which is why all the machines we're beeping loudly but shes woken up now and she's doing well. thats good isn't it Laura?" I shrug my shoulders and lift my eyes to look at his
'i'm not sure, dad, is it?' i ask him and he stares at me. i look over at Chris and notice he's sat looking at me and shaking his head
"Whats going on in your head, Laura?" Chris says out loud, still shaking his head.
'I'm not sure Chris, how about you? are you glad mum's okay?' i say in an almost sarcastic tone and Chris grunts
"she's my mum, of course i'm glad. what did she do to you to deserve this from you? what's she ever done that was so bad Lau?" he gets up and walks over to me and kneels infront of my seat, taking my hands in his
'you wouldn't get it' i whisper to him 'you just wouldn't get it' i repeat myself and look at him with watery eyes as i'm trying to stop myself from letting tears fall down my cheeks. Its true, he wouldn't get it. He wouldn't understand. She didn't do this because of him, she did this because of me and because I'm alive.
"give her a chance, Laura. shes lying in there on her own after waking up from being dead to the world, literally, for a week and a half. she at leasts deserves another chance. what she did was wrong and i understand that your going to be hurt because your mum tried to kill herself. But, shes my mum to and you dont see me behaving the way you are right now" Chris shakes his head at me.
'thats the thing though, isn't it?' i say to him, trying not to raise my voice as the anger builds inside of me 'she didn't JUST try to kill herself, did she? she did it because of ME. Don't you see that? can't you see why it's messing with my head? can't you see why i'm angry and why i'm hurt? she doesn't deserve my forgivness because she's never loved me, she's never done anything to earn my forgivness if she ever did wrong. She's never held me tight, not even as a child and told me she loved me' my voice finally got raised and the tears were falling down my voice. I got up of the chair halfway through and paced up and down the room.
"she loved you and she held you and told you she loved you, Laura" Chris says to me as he sits himself where I was sat. Dad still sat in the same chair with his head in his hands
'no she didn't. do you remember when i was five years old and i was learning to ride my bike, you just took the stabilizers of my bike and waved me off as I rode down the street in it but came running back without my bike in tears because i'd fallen of the pavement and hurt my knees and my arm. And i ran in to see mum and she told me to shut up because my crying was starting to annoy her and you had to come in and bandage me up. Do you remember that?' i ask Chris
"yes, bu.." he says back
'dad do you remember the first day when i "became a women" and i came home to find mum was passed out infront of the tele because she'd drank so much so i had to get some money out of my piggybank and go down the shop by myself and get the things i needed?' i ask Dad
"yes" dad says, looking up at me now
"and do you remember when my hamster died when i was 9 and she got it and threw it out of my bedroom window and laughed even though i was really upset and then she just left me in my room on my own to cry. do you remember how she wouldn't make me dinner because she said i didn't deserve it so i had to make my own?" they both nod
"and you probably won't remember this one. how about when I was sixteen and she told me that she hated me, that it was my fault that she was.. is the way she is? how about the fact that she tried to die because of me? how about she did it in that flat for me to see. Did none of you care to think that I SAW her? none of you thought to ask me how i was.Did you?" I ask them and they both shake their heads. I hurridly walk out of the room and into the cubicle to where my mum is
'Laura don't, come back in here' Dad shouts as he chases after me
"your all better now then are you, mum?" i say to her and she nods "oh i am glad, really. how about up there, in your head?" i ask her and she looks back at me confused "do you remember what you said to me?" i ask her and she nods "do you know what thats done to me?" she shakes her head at me and i stand staring as i realise a nurse and her doctor have walked into the cubicle "its ****ed me up, mum. just like you. you've played with my mind and you've screwed me up. so i guess we can have something in common now. I made you like this and you made me like this. So i guess i have one thing to thank you for, right?" I scream at her and she looks at my dad scared "i'll never forgive you for what you've done to me. i'll never forgive you for everything you said and what you did in that flat. you knew i would see you, you knew that it would leave me like this and you didn't care, you did it anyway" i start to cry all over again and dad puts his arms around me
'Laura please stop now, its going to be okay' he whispers to me and i shake my head
"no its not dad" i say back
'let her have her say, Colin' my mum says and i look at her
"do you know one thing, mother?" i ask her
'go on' she says to me and i take a step closer
"i'll never be a heartless bitch and tell you i hate you like someone did to me recently" i say to her, turn around and walk out of the room. Chris follows behind me and I run from him
"Leave me alone, please, just leave me alone" I shout as I run out of the hospital and don't hear him running up behind me anymore. I run out into a nearby walkway and lean against the wall, slide down it and let all the tears come out. Sobbing loudly and trying to stop myself from shaking. People walk past me and stare at me but no one ever stops to ask me if i'm okay.
After i've managed to subside my tears and get myself steadied again I get up and start walking home, which is about half an hour away from the hospital. I fiddle around in my bag as I walk through the front garden and make my way upstairs, running straight for the bathroom and i search quickly through the cupboard we have in there but not finding what i'm looking for I run into my room and go to my wardrobe, open it and pull out a box. Searching through that i feel my whole body starting to shake and ache for the release of everything thats inside my mind and inside my body, every ache and every creek. Each word thats stored in my mind, it has to go until my minds a blank canvas where i get start to make my own masterpiece again. Get rid of the negative feelings and start a fresh. Found it! I take out my blade, pull up my sleeve and drag it along my wrist over and over until the release rushes over me. I watch the blood drip down my arm, through the fingers of my hand and onto the floor. Then i fall back, close my eyes and enjoy the rest of the ride with a small smile on my face and the feelings of achievement taking hold of me. Release; at last!
**If You Love Someone Or Something Enough, Set Them Free.**
). keep the comments coming, their what motivates me. 
