You're not stupid hun. I'm sure your therapist wouldn't think you were either if you told him about this. If it's something you think has affected you then it probably has. You did well showing him your pictures :) *hugs*
Still, I don't think I'll tell him... just don't really think that it has much to do with anything... not to mention it would be compleately humiliating
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
To give up would be so easy
To give in to the images
To hand control over to the urges
To heed the thoughts that spin in my head
To depart
To continue on would be taxing
To push forward through the pain
To advance, heedless of the pull to surrender
To persist in spite of seemingly overwhelming odds
To linger
The choice
To forsake this earthly body
Or to tarry a moment longer, hoping for a better tomorrow
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*hugs Jess back*
Thanks, luv, really. Means rather a lot.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Aww, Jess, don't make me cry, lol. Thanks hun, really does it sound awful for me to tell you that I don't think ice ever taken anyone up on that offer? *sigh* Just never want to bother them Silly, I know *shrug*
Thanks Chloe I like it too... Might be one of my Favorites that ice written...
--------------------
Ugh, I feel awful. One week tomorrow since I got back on the correct dose of mone of my meds (200 mg instead of the 100 mg if taken for two weeks because of a mix up). I wasn't doing great before it got messed up, but I was doing better than I have been the past three/four weeks... When is it going to get better?
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
*cuddles you tightly* dont' EVER feel bad about pming me :) *cuddles* that's all i have right now i'm sorry. but i'm listening. it will get better. i know it will
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I'm rather flat at the moment. I've only cut once in about a week (badly, but only once) and I'm being really stupid because I'm mad I didn't cut more! It's not because the urges aren't there, they're there right along with the calm, nondistressing, thoughts and images of suicide, and the general feeling of awful. But I haven't even been able to motivate myself to cut... Or do much of anything...
Sorry, no reason to post this, it's just another rambling, pointless, and it doesn't even make sense.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
i know how you feel...i had a bad cutting episode on....thursday? and since then i can hardly get out of bed. maybe this is just a survival thing, us being too unmotivated to cut or do anything? like our minds are shutting down for a while till we can cope again? i dont really know honey, i cant really look after myself right now so i dont know any answers for you. talk to your therapist as soon as u can though please? xx
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
*cuddles Chloe* Good theory luv. You should move up here, we can be listless together.
Therapy today (in fourty minutes actually) and I don't want to go. Feeling awful. despite the fact that, comparatively speaking, I slept pretty well last night, I'm utterly exhausted... which never helps with the almost constant feeling of awful... Probably doesn't help, I think I'm PMSing but that isn't really all of it, or even most of it... I just feel crap. And I don't really think, if the last two sessions are anything to go by, this one is going to be all that fun/easy.
Oh. And I've only got four more sessions (including todays)... and I think I'm a little sad about that... which just makes me want to go cut or something because it makes me feel silly for feeling that way... good thing I don't have the energy to cut I guess, huh?
*returns to the psych ward to hide in her corner*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Took a while to get around to it but eventually we got back to my 2nd year ASL instructor and all of that fun stuff. The conversation before hand hadn't exactly been a bed of roses... Feelings crap, what caused me to cry the other day (sob, is more like it)... Moved on to shame and depression and what I said last week when postulating as to what might have made this major depressive episode different than all the rest... Because before I could feel absolutely awful, dead, and still function, still hide it from everyone... And this time I fell apart. He went straight to the teacher hypotheses, totally ignored the other one (I don't remember what it was myself).
I told him most of the story. The teachers history of inappropriate behavior (drinking with students -including buying the drinks- illicit drug use with students -including purchasing the drugs-, coming on to students, etc.), showing up at my apartment drunk, telling folks in the bars I was his girlfriend (!), constantly emailing me on my mobile (from his) saying he was coming over, what was I doing, I didn't answer (was upstairs studying and my mobile was downstairs) and he was worried so he's coming over (uh, teacher student relationship, not the kind where you worry because they don't answer and drop by their apartment!)... I didn't tell him the other part of the evening he showed up drunk... And what's worse, he knew there was something I wasn't telling him... And I got the you don't have to talk to me about it but talking about things helps... There are different degrees of trauma (bless him he was trying to soften it so I didn't scoff, think it was stupid... Like when people say I'm hurting and I scoff and feel disgusted)... I'd like to get more specific in what he said but it was very uncomfortable and I was dissociating a bit... Like being in water and THINKING you may have heard something... He said he'll ask me about it again, in case I thought about talking about it... Really, he did an excelent job, I didn't feel pushed or anything... I DID feel and see his concern which kind of makes me want to cry... And I know he wants me to talk about it, again only out of concern... But I don't want to... It was nothing, for heaven sake! It certainly wasn't a big deal! And he said all the rest of it was traumatic, what's he going to say about this thing that I say is nothing? I mean, I think most of y'all have read what I'm talking about (I don't want to write it again) on the grand scale it's nothing! Seems unfair to call it anything when so many people have had so much worse...
I don't want to. I hate this.
Sorry for the long post, just me being melodramatic again...
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
Drunk, could totally do it... Really, really, really want to do it,... Won't because Jess asked me not to, and I love you guys... But... Please... Make it stop... When will it stop?
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
And Susan you have no idea what that means... Love you.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
It does stop... unfortunately it sometimes takes a long time for it to actually stop. But we will be here until it does. *cuddles* don't leave us sweet ally, it would not be worth it at all. *cuddles*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
does it sound awful for me to tell you that I don't think ice ever taken anyone up on that offer? *sigh* Just never want to bother them 
Silly, I know *shrug*
I like it too... Might be one of my Favorites that ice written...
