im new to the vets board. ive just read through your thread. im so sorry the way you've been treated and how hard it is for you. that letter you wrote was amazingly clear i really hope it makes a difference and well done for sending it very brave of you.
im sorry i dont really have any words of advice. i really hope you get the help you deserve.
Terrified, I hope this doesn't sound nasty or nosey, I just wondered why you can't take meds? I'm just asking out of interest, no malice or anything at all.
I think its a tremendous acheivement that you posted that letter. Perhaps you could tell yourself (outloud) that you did a brave thing and deserve to feel good about this achievement? Sounds silly I know, but my sponsor is making me saying things outloud to myself, and it does help.
Keep us informed xx
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
quautia, it's a whole part of the 'everyone wants to kill me' thing. The doc gave me some but I couldn't take them because I was sure they were poison.
I have been on anti-deps before but to no avail. Not anything else though.
Thanks for the answer Terrified, I can understand how medication must be a difficult thing for you. I've not suffered as much as you with paranoid thoughts, but it sounds so tough.
Sending lots of good vibes your way x
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
I'm so scared right now. I have missed two calls today where the fax machine kicked in before I managed to answer the phone. I'm so scared they will section me.
Mind you, the last time I was sectioned and they called, they had a Saxmundham based phone number.I'm so so scared.
Sorry that you are feeling scared. Would you be able to get someone to call the number that phoned you, so at least you know who it was so you don't worry too much?
Its all or nothing
And nothings all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
It wasnumber withheld, otherwise I would have called back myself probably.
But if they tunr up to section me I'm not going to freak out, I'm not going to scream and panic and run like last time, I'm going to invite them in, offer them drinks, sit down and smile and calmly explain why hospital won't help and how it made me worse last time. I hope it works like that, lol. But hopefully it won't even be relevent.
I never saw the crisis team last time I was sectioned, they came full force with two psychs, two social workers and the police on back-up incase they needed them.
I don't need sectioning, that will make me worse, it did last time and it will this time. If the hospital was maybe one with therapy where I didn't sit in my room alone all the time, or was a friendly place, or somewhere where I didn't feel they mocked me maybe it might be an option (hell, while I was there one of the people who obsevred me started to talk to me about how she felt about other patients on the ward, talk about professional) but St. Clements isn't an option.
My rabbits are my life, they are my reason to live, how will taking me away from them and being separate from them help me. It won't, simple as. Although last time they did let me buns come to hospital to see me, but it's not the same, it's not the best place for me. I am more in control than I was last time, I don't want to die this time, I did last time, I'm wanting to fight this time, I didn't last time. It's so different. I don't need hospital, well, not that hospital.
Thanks for the reply though, I just know that it won't help. I know that more than anyone could ever understand. It's not a fear of being in hospital, it is full knowledge that it won't help at all.
Just wanted to add that I know hospitalisation maybe isnt what you want, but I dont know what else will help you. xx
They wanted to send me six month IP at the CRU in Bethlem, but my SI is too severe and I knew, again, that it wouldn't help.
I added a bit to that letter and put about how I thought DBT might help, and also intensive OP might also help. These people come from Stowmarket so they will know what is available at BSE, so if it's an option, maybe it;s an option (if you get what I mean, lol)
It sounds like you need to feel safe, and support to enable that. It sounds like you need an environment in which you can develop your own internal protection from the painful and tormenting feelings.
I guess therapeutic communities aren't on the NHS though, unfortunately..
