I'm getting on okay with the gratitude journal.
You're supposed to do the questions first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
I struggle doing them first thing as I'm so tired when I wake up but am getting into a routine with things.
It really makes me think about the good things in life, somedays it's easier to do than others.
I volunteered at the charity shop on Friday for 2 hours. That was a much more manageable amount of time and I felt ok after it. It went ok.
Today has been good as the weather was so nice. I went to a Gin Festival which was good. Didn't have a lot to drink as I find alcohol doesn't mix very well with meds.
really need to mow the grass out front and back. Not looking forward to it as at times I'm in agony with my back.
I'm pleased the gratitude journal is working out well; I get that sometimes it's a lot of effort but worth it overall I hope!
Glad to hear that things have been good, including the charity shop work, are you going to be going back to do some more?
Hope you managed to get the grass done, though if you're in a lot of pain it would be understandable if you decided to get a gardener to do it (I think that's what you did last time?). Have you had any more appointments with the chiropractor?
Yeah, I think it's worth doing. You're supposed to do it first thing and last thing but I'm usually too drowsy to do it first thing so I make a coffee and wait til my brain is in gear lol.
I'm going to help at the charity shop for a couple of hours a week to begin with and take it from there. I also heard from my local hospital who I applied for vol work with. They emailed me to say I need to send them some more information so I'm weighing up whether the charity shop is enough for now. I think it probably is, so we'll see.
I ended up getting the gardener to do the front lawn. I just couldn't face it.
I've been really anxious. I'm going away to Italy with my Mum on Thurs til Tues and it's got me really stressed out. I'm trying to rationalise things and I've written some lists which has helped a bit.
Also I usually watch Coronation Street but I didn't watch last night's as I was out. It was the ones with Aidan's suicide. I've recorded them. I am not sure if I want to watch them or not. My Mum is staying at mine tomorrow eve and Coronation Street is on again. I'm not sure I want to see it. And Mum will want to watch it. I think I may make excuses and go to my room or have a shower or something.
Edit: I watched the recordings and it was fine. Very sad but I'm glad I've seen them. It was done very sensitively
Last edited by HildaOgden : 09-05-2018 at 02:06 AM.
Reason: to add a bit
I had a good time in Italy thanks
Had really bad travel anxiety though; catastrophising about missing flight, bags being too heavy/wrong size, transfer at Naples airport not being there, the hotel being **** etc etc..
Needn't have stressed though it was all fine and me and mum had a really good break.
I've come back to a letter from the hospital inviting me to an interview about volunteering. I'm going to have to phone them to rearrange though as I can't make the appointment they've sent me. Just need to pluck courage up to phone. I'm still not sure about volunteering with them though.
Going to charity shop again tomorrow to do a couple of hours there. Feel nervous about it.
Yeah I think the way Corrie have covered Aidan's death has been sensitively done.
the charity shop volunteering went ok thanks. I was dreading it but when I got there it was ok. Got a bit stressed at times because it was quite busy and I'm still learning how the till works.
In general I'm ok I think. Don't feel brilliant but don't feel dire either. I'm seeing my consultant psych on Thursday. I want to ask him about reducing or stopping the clopixol depot I'm on.. I'm on too much medication; two anti psychotics, two anti depressants and lithium plus some other stuff for side effects of the mental meds. I feel so sedated and think it's the meds which do it. My motivation is so poor. I had a shower today and it was my first for a week and I need to mow the grass but I just can't face it.
Plus the house is a mess.
Ugh.
I had an ok weekend thanks; watched the royal wedding, saw a friend. Hope you had a good weekend too.
I'm glad that the volunteering went OK and that you are feeling at least ok. I can appreciate wanting to reduce your medication, but I guess just make sure you keep in good contact with your team if they do suggest reducing it so that they can keep an eye out for symptoms reappearing or getting worse. (I realise that is a really boring naggy thing to say, but it's important!)
things are alright-ish thanks
have had a fair bit on and it's stressing me out a bit because I need to just have some quiet time
saw my consultant and he's said to try reducing the depot of Clopixol by a little bit and keep it every two weeks. try that for a couple of months and see how I go.
said motivation and tiredness might improve with the change in dose
to be honest I suppose I do have some quiet times but I find them hard to take advantage of because I'm wound up from the busy times plus it's hard to relax in the house because so much needs doing, like dusting, tidying etc..
I don't know if this would work for you, but maybe if there's stuff to be done in the house and you feel like you can't relax because of it, you could make some sort of to do list where every time you complete one of the chores, you take a 30 minute break? Hopefully knowing that there's a plan for the rest to get done it will feel easier to relax and ignore it for a short while. Or you could put relaxing things on the to do list so they have to get done!
I hope the reduced clopixol has the desired effect :)
that might work. I have to be careful not to write too much on the to do list though otherwise it looks overwhelming. But I can build in some relaxation time into the to do list.
even if I did just one thing a day it would be a start.
got appt with my GP in the morning. I don't know if he will have the letter from my consultant notifying him of the new dose of Clopixol. But if I tell him about the change my GP will probably change the dose without the letter. I have my next injection on Monday so I'd like to be on the reduced dose for that.
Thanks. I hope the lower dose means I have more motivation and less sedation too
I didn't see GP. I slept through my alarm and woke up at 10.15 and the appt was at 10.30
I was really annoyed with myself
But I spoke to a receptionist and they passed on msg to GP about altering the clopixol depot dose and GP has changed it so all set for lower dose tomorrow when I have my injection
Had depot on Monday at new dose so hopefully in next week or so I'll find I have more motivation and am less tired. That's the theory anyway. I'm not convinced it'll make that much difference but we'll see.
I decided at the weekend that I'd try internet dating again as I am the only one out of my school friends and uni friends who isn't in a relationship/married and it'd be nice to have someone who I can share things with.
I joined Match.com and Tinder
Jeez... there are some 'interesting' characters out there.
It's discombobulated me a bit really as I am very guarded by nature and I find it hard to open up and I am crap at flirting
A couple of guys have messaged me but it's panicked me a bit as I don't know what to say etc..
Especially difficult is how to explain I'm not working and why
Ho hum will have to see how it goes
I still haven't done any housework but I did go into the garden on Monday afternoon and do some weeding. There's still a lot to do in the house and garden. I hope that I'll do some work Weds/Thurs in house and garden.
My Uncle is over from Canada on Thurs til Mon. He's staying with my Mum, so I shall see him over the weekend.
Then I have voluntary work at the charity shop on Friday afternoon for a couple of hours.
Well done for putting yourself out there on match.com and tinder, that can be really scary. I guess try to take it slow and not put pressure on yourself to quickly find someone- it's not a race!
Well done for getting some weeding done; you may not have done everything you wanted to do, but it's a start!
I hope you have a nice time with your uncle; do you get on well with him?
haven't been on Match or Tinder for a few days. Just not felt like it.
Thanks. Still got loads to do in the garden and house. Just really struggling with motivation and got no energy.
My Uncle arrived yesterday (Saturday). He was supposed to come on Thursday but his wife was ill and so they stayed put in the Lake District until my Aunt felt well enough to travel. They both got to my Mum's yesterday afternoon. It's nice to see them. My Uncle is a bit of an odd character. He likes a drink and can be inappropriate. I don't think he means any harm but to me he just acts like a dick when he's had a drink.
He invited me to visit them in Vancouver Island where they live which is kind.
He's my Dad's brother and he looks a lot like my Dad which is a bit disconcerting (my Dad died 6 years ago)
I'm seeing them again today for dinner at my Mum's tonight then they leave tomorrow morning.
tomorrow I have an appointment at the hospital. I need a wisdom tooth removing and tomorrow I meet with the doctor to find out if and when I'll have it taken out. Ugh. Not looking forward to having it taken out.
dental appointment was a waste of time as it was with a different doc and she said I need to see the original doc I had my first appt with. so waiting for appt to come through for another appointment with the correct doc.
saw gp today. He said he was worried that I'm worried about the back pain I'm having. I was only being honest with him. I'm sure that there is something sinister around the pain to do with contamination.
I don't know why he is worried.
I'm going to a different chiropractor next week and they said I might have a scan.
NOt sure. Not sure am doing right thing going to different chiropractor. Not sure can trust them\
6 years today since my Dad died. Felt a bit sad about it but spent some of today with Mum which helped.
Oh bother, that's very frustrating; how long did it take last time to get an appointment with the first doctor?
I guess your GP was worried because it was clear that the back pain was getting pretty bad and he just wanted to try to help with it. I don't think it could be to do with contamination- back pain is incredibly common and really doesn't need to cause suspicion! Seeing a different chiropractor sounds like a good idea and I hope they'll be able to help manage the pain better.
Sorry it was a difficult anniversary, I'm glad you were able to spend some time with your mum.
