But the nursing staff keep saying horrible things like when I was getting restrained and injected she said I was behaving like a child and should be ashamed of myself.
Just now when I went for a cigarette before I'd reached the chair she was nagging about how long will I be out bc it's cold. I hadn't even got my tobacco out my sock and then she just said "it's no all about you" I didn't even have my paper in my hand.
I want to break down but I prefer to go to private place and I can't get that here because I'm 1:1 and have been nearly 3 weeks.
I just want to kill myself. I can't take that they want me to murder a child and won't let me talk to her or comfort her when she's crying at me.
I can't take their bull anymore.
I don't know what I'm asking but this is betond a joke.I was told to e more quiet when I was crying the other day and they wonder why I flipped.
Last edited by Arienette : 30-09-2015 at 12:36 AM.
I am sorry to hear you are in such a bad place at the moment :(
I have just come out of hospital because they didn't know what else to do with me, I was on 1:1 and spent some time in a PICU. A nurse was really horrible to me too, she called me a liar!! I couldn't believe it, and she shoved me out the way (not like a normal restraint).
I'm sorry you're feeling misunderstood. How are you finding taking the medication? Do the staff know you're avoiding it? What is thei/yourr aim of the admission?
In order to be discharged you need to know what the aim is first, so you can work towards it.
They say annabelle isn't real, but I don't agree. I don't know why the actual aim is.
I'm on aripiprazole now and have been managing to take it. I feel really depressed at the minute but I'm physically unwell as well an have been exhausted, cold, shivering and vomiting so it coul be that bringing my mood down.
I think I have ward round today so am gonna ask for something to help my mood and depression because I'm having a lot of auicidal thoughts and even though right now I'm managing not to, I feel like it won't take much for everything to become too much. I don't feel able to talk about that though.
I'm just resting a lot today because I'm so drained. I was allowed to to see the dogs today bc I'm calm and I'm gonna ask to come off morning diazepam bc i think it's making my fatigue worse.
I'm literally doped up most the time.
Anyone know if aripiprazole helps with depression?
they have no evidence to say she isn't real, I saw her grave moving like breathing and a heart beat, and I heard her
although I am less distressed by her because I gave her letters, and cake and a colouring in and I managed to speak with her, and I head her smiling and laughing - so I am less sad about it.
I am taking my aripiprazole, the voices haven't said anything bad about that: and the mother voice has calmed down. Now most of my voices are really random sentences that make no sense, or Annabelle: which makes her real.
They are talking about discharge next week, beause my trust want me under HTT: however, I am still on 1:1, and still not allowed my clothes with strings or anything, and I am still on trays and not allowed to eat in the dining area, nor am I allowed any form of leave - so to me it makes no sense to keep me on those restrictions yet discharge me. My section runs out in 6 days though, so I suppose after that my trust can recall me to community services, and I am much more settled now so definitely not eligible for a section 3 thank goodness.
in my opinion. I saw my obs board today though, and it was all good stuff, and I haven't had PRN for a few days now (I don't even remember)
and I'm coming off diazepam in the morning
so hopefully things are moving in the right direction now.
What are your reasons for wanting to keep a diary of what is said? Not saying it's a bad idea at all, just wondering what you would plan to use it for.
It does sound like a bad idea to de-escalate so quickly from 1-1 obs to being discharged! Do you think you could raise that with the staff and maybe come up with a more gradual discharge plan?
My trust aren't communicating sothwyre talking about keeping me on section 3 until everything is sorted out for me to be discharged properly.
I had a bit of a breakdown about it earlier because I have no idea what's happening and I'm so scared of being on a section 3. Luckily I spoke about it and had PRN instead of lashing out.
See if I can figure it out incase int just crypted messages or something.
trThen writing about them doesn't seem like a good idea.
It's likely to just make you more ill and out of touch with reality. I wouldn't engage with them at all if I was you. X
The average,
well-adjusted adult
gets up at 7.30am feeling just plain terrible.
Call me Kate.
I have dyslexia so please excuse my poor spelling and sometimes poor understanding.
