Unfortunately my Dad was a fair bit judgemental and believe I wasn't really trying. That I just need to 'mature' or something. I just nodded because I didn't want to get into an argument.
I'm still blown away by my psychiatrist saying such lovely things.
Being home is strange, I admit to being anxious and the anxiety thoughts triggered suicidal thoughts. I talked myself through it by saying "I've dealt with anxiety before and I can get through this, and I have had many pleasant moments where anxiety hasn't plagued me and I can have those again", and that helped me to not catastrophise.
I think that the way you were able to talk to yourself there shows great maturity! Congratulations on being home , it will be quite an adjustment though so your anxiety is understandable. I really hope you do feel better very very soon xxx
I've just woken up and I feel really overwhelmed by uni. Even thought classes are not on and my review is finished I am pressured to be helping out with my research faster because og another student. I told them I need to ease back into things and si far all they've done is ask me to do things.
I know I have a responsibly to them but I also know I need and actually deserve some down time, because this recovery WILL involve baby steps back into the things that stressed me out in the first place. It has taken me a lot to accept thatb because I usually push myself too hard. That's why i am here in the first place.
I'm doing deep breathing and focusing on my weekend away but it's SO important I ease into uni else I'll be so overwhelmed it will be forever a trigger and too scary.
Hi Aimee. Have you told the student that you really don't feel up to it at the moment? I know you mentioned to them you need to ease back in, but it might be worth really pushing the point. You do deserve some down time, and quite frankly, a few days really isn't going to harm the research, but it might make you worse.
Can you send her an email or a non-direct thing explaining you really cannot keep this up?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
That does makes sense lovely, and I think you have the right attitude towards recovery (:
I don't know what specifically you have said to this person, but perhaps it would help to say you've been ill in hospital and that you need to take things easily. You don't have to go into why you've been in, and people generally presume hospital equals something physical anyway.
Enjoy your weekend away <3
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Do you have a disability service at uni you could speak to? It is perfectly acceptable for you to negotiate a staged return back to uni. This is what I had to do after I had time off and it really made the difference yet even this was so difficult for the first few weeks. Be careful its so easy to burn out on postgraduate courses never mind when you have other stuff to deal with too. Here if you ever want to talk or rant about the balancing act!
Not really got words atm but hugs and love and all that fluff. It sounds like you are dealing with this in such a sensible and mature way and are really making a good start in trying to look after yourself.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Hi all, thank you so much for continuing to support me while I am out of hospital. I appreciate it very, very much.
Sophia and Amy, thank you. I told them I was in hospital (did not go into why) but they keep sending me tasks. I understand they need to because for one person it is an important part of her research, it overlaps with mine but our time frames are different. She needs it done sooner. I don't. But she's relying on me to help out a lot and I'm going to try and bit.
Later on I'll go through the e-mails and sort out what they have asked me to do and what I can, I'll do. And I'll likely sit down with the one needing to get things one sooner and let her know that I understand she is on a time line different to me, but it is imperative that I take it easy or I will burn out again in a matter of days.
Sarah, it's not so much classes because they don't actually begin until August but it's my thesis research I work on. I really appreciate your understanding from a postgraduate studies perspective. I think the best thing I can do is talk to the girls on the team.
The staff don't know, and I am very keen for them to not find out. But I will see how things return when my supervisor returns from his break as I expect he may need to know, if for nothing else he might be able help the other girls to stop pressuring me.
Katy, thank you darling.
I had an amazing weekend away; horseback riding, hotsprings, and my friend being proposed to (which I knew about for the last two months). So it was lovely. I had a lot of anxiety on one night and thought it might lead to a panic attack but I managed it really well and it's given me a lot of strength to back up the thoughts of "I can do this, I can get past the anxiety".
And my body image thoughts have improved dramatically, I think being with my friends helped. There's a heap of photos of me on fb now it my bathers in water where I feel I look a little overweight (whereas before... I'd have called myself a disgusting whale and deleted them all).
Thank you all again. I'm going back to uni tomorrow for a 1.5 hour meeting and potentially opening up to some people about what has been going on.
Thank you.
Thank you.
<3
Last edited by Snow White. : 07-07-2013 at 03:08 PM.
Hi Aimee, I'm so pleased that you were discharged from hospital. Since you've been out it seems like you've had a few challenging situations which you've dealt with really well. You should be really proud of yourself.
When life gets you down do you know what you've gotta do?
I had a lot of anxiety on one night and thought it might lead to a panic attack but I managed it really well and it's given me a lot of strength to back up the thoughts of "I can do this, I can get past the anxiety".
And my body image thoughts have improved dramatically, I think being with my friends helped. There's a heap of photos of me on fb now it my bathers in water where I feel I look a little overweight (whereas before... I'd have called myself a disgusting whale and deleted them all).
I don't have many words right now but I just wanted to say that it really made me smile reading this post, especially these bits. I'm so glad that you're able to see now that yes, you CAN do this!! And your fb photos are gorgeous, you look beautiful and you look happy - love it :)
Keep going, and keep this post somewhere for if you ever feel like it's hopeless and you can't keep going. <3 xx
Aimee is really struggling and wanted me to post a brief summary of how things are for her right now.
She had a big argument with her dad which has left her feeling like she is better off dead. She's been trying to distract and has been getting support off friends, but she says she feel like she did before she went into hospital. She feels to fragile right now to come online but will hopefully do tomorrow.
She needs encouragement that she can get through this when right now to her it doesn't seem worth trying.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Aimee is really struggling and wanted me to post a brief summary of how things are for her right now.
She had a big argument with her dad which has left her feeling like she is better off dead. She's been trying to distract and has been getting support off friends, but she says she feel like she did before she went into hospital. She feels to fragile right now to come online but will hopefully do tomorrow.
She needs encouragement that she can get through this when right now to her it doesn't seem worth trying.
Just seen this post! I don't have many words Aimee but I'm here if you need me *gentle hugs*
