I am surprised by the level of indignance from self harmers about the word cutter.
As has been said, if cutting is your form of self harm, I don't get the aversion to it. If it isn't, then why let it bother you so much?
Just a thought really. There are many hurtful words that are thrown at self harmers but few people have mentioned them on this very long thread. To me it's not the words that count, it's the meaning and reason for those words that count.
Last edited by fragile as glass : 11-01-2012 at 05:10 PM.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
As opposed to feeling happy about your actions? I, personally, would rather feel bad about cutting myself. Then I have less motivation to do it.
I don't want to feel bad about my actions. I am so terrible to myself enough, I don't need this to beat myself up even more about this. I know cutting is 'wrong', but it's not really to me. It's just something I do, and when I am forced to feel bad about this, it makes me feel like some freak who can't control herself. How I'm just an outcast and that's all I will ever be. That gets me into a warped state of mind, where I cut even more.
"Monsters are real, ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win."
I know that what I actually do is cut, slash or stab myself, if I were to use accurate language. I choose not to use accurate language because it is intensely, intolerably painful. 'Self-harm' maybe creates a little distance or something, I don't know, but I can at least say it out loud. I've never discussed it with anyone by choice though, and anyone using terms like 'cutter' with me will find quickly that they're talking to themselves.
YES EXACTLY. Iloveyou.
"Monsters are real, ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win."
I don't understand how people can be so 'pained' by their own willful actions that they need to use a different, rather vague word to describe it. You know what you are doing to yourself, you have the choice not to and if you feel that badly about it then why continue doing it? It's totally counter-productive and illogical.
As for defining yourself by using the word cutter, you only define yourself my that if you choose to. I'm a fencer, but that's not all I am. It's a part of my current personality, but I'm not defined by it.
I use the term self harm also because it's sometimes easier for friends or relatives to hear, I think it might be distressing for them if I went into any more detail about what I did. I recall telling my Mom once I needed stitches and mentioned how many I had and she seemed quite upset by it so I've refrained from talking about details since then really.
Although with professionals I'm accurate and say exactly what I've done, and obviously with my partner because he'd see any way.
I don't understand how people can be so 'pained' by their own willful actions that they need to use a different, rather vague word to describe it. You know what you are doing to yourself, you have the choice not to and if you feel that badly about it then why continue doing it? It's totally counter-productive and illogical.
Yes, it is counter-productive and illogical, as are most behaviours associated with mental health problems. Congratulations, your comment is the most ignorant I've come across on this site to date
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I am surprised by the level of indignance from self harmers about the word cutter.
Probably my post is one you had in mind. I don't know if 'indignant' is the right word though. I don't care what words people use behind my back, or what they refer to themselves as or what they think. I don't find the words offensive, or unjust, or inaccurate (as indignancy implies) - as I already said I just find them painful. I have no desire to discuss my self-harm with anybody (verbally) so a person would have to accept the language I can tolerate for that to happen. Otherwise I walk away. Simple.
Last edited by Leni : 13-01-2012 at 12:07 AM.
And the illusion of love is the only promise of defence, and even that will crumble.
Yes, it is counter-productive and illogical, as are most behaviours associated with mental health problems. Congratulations, your comment is the most ignorant I've come across on this site to date
Definition of ignorant:
1. Lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned
2. Lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact
3. Uninformed; unaware.
4. Due to or showing lack of knowledge or training
So, as a previous self-harmer I rule out all of those, so I'm certainly not ignorant. Perhaps I have a different viewpoint on the matter than you. Your post is probably the most flame-worthy though.
When I self-harmed I was fully aware of what I was doing, it was a willful choice on my part, I knew what I was doing, and I knew what the outcome would be. I've always been quite open about my self-harm though, so again, we are obviously coming from different perspectives. I just don't see why a word (that's all it is: a word) can cause you so much hurt.
Last edited by The One Who : 13-01-2012 at 10:13 AM.
Ignorance is not necessarily lack of knowledge per se, it can be having lack of knowledge of a subject that you think you have knowledge about.
Also just because you (or anyone) have engaged in self harm behaviours, it doesent autonmatically mean you're knowledgeable about it.
A smoker may stop after 30 years and feel comfortable giving a lecture about how bad it is and what it does to you and think he's done a good job but he may actually not know of some of the diseases that smoking can give. Therefore he has some ignorance. It's the only example I can think of, I'm tired.
Last edited by fragile as glass : 13-01-2012 at 10:47 AM.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
Also just because you (or anyone) have engaged in self harm behaviours, it doesent autonmatically mean you're knowledgeable about it.
just quoting because I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The One Who
I don't understand how people can be so 'pained' by their own willful actions that they need to use a different, rather vague word to describe it. You know what you are doing to yourself, you have the choice not to and if you feel that badly about it then why continue doing it? It's totally counter-productive and illogical.
What if we don't have the coping skills to stop? I've tried on several occasions to stop and get better, but I can't. I need to be taught how to deal with these emotional issues and thoughts and self hatred in other manners. That is what my therapy will do. I cannot just quit cold-turkey.
"Monsters are real, ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes they win."
When I self-harmed I was fully aware of what I was doing, it was a willful choice on my part, I knew what I was doing, and I knew what the outcome would be. I've always been quite open about my self-harm though, so again, we are obviously coming from different perspectives. I just don't see why a word (that's all it is: a word) can cause you so much hurt.
When I self harm (although very sporadically now) I'm fully aware of what I'm doing and while it's not nice to admit to how or where I've hurt myself, I'll always acknowledge what I've done.
I think being unwilling to admit and accept what you've done to yourself makes recovery incredibly hard, and more likely makes it near impossible.
Having a different opinion and being ignorant are two very different things I feel.
I was just thinking about starting a this exact thread,wondering if others feel the same way I do about the term cutting. Personally, I hate the word, I do prefer self harm.
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down"
-Superchick
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world. <3
What if we don't have the coping skills to stop? I've tried on several occasions to stop and get better, but I can't. I need to be taught how to deal with these emotional issues and thoughts and self hatred in other manners. That is what my therapy will do. I cannot just quit cold-turkey.
This is moving on to something completely different from a simple word. My query relates to how a word (one that other self-harmers use) can be so horrible to you. Reclaim it for yourself, like other people have done. "Queer" used to be an insult to gay people, now they have successfully reclaimed it for themselves, and the same is with "Nigger" and black people. A word only has power once you give it that power, so take it back for yourself.
In my view, if you cut yourself you are a "cutter". Yes, you self-harm, but you do it by cutting yourself. It's not really meant to be a pleasant topic of conversation (such is the social taboo of self-harm generally), and I see little reason of 'softening' the words used to discuss it. And that is my opinion, not based in ignorance or any other word some self-harmers like to throw out when someone doesn't agree with their actions or doesn't tell them what they want to hear.
People have the right to dislike certain words for whatever reason. Even if it relates to something self inflicted and unhealthy it doesnt mean they should just get over it. They still have the right to choose how they prefer to be referred to. The reason nigger isnt acceptable any more is because people said, no i dont like being called that. And i also think that saying self harm rather that cut, burn, slef laceration or anything else like that is preferabke for reasons of tastefulness. Its a better way of dis ussing it as except in a professional setting people are better off not knowing the particulars more often than not
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
I'd rather call what I do cutting since that's what it is. I agree that self-mutilation is a HORRIBLE term. I don't label or call myself a cutter to myself or to anyone else, so I guess it's not that I'm labeling it is just what I call it. If I called it SI or SH I feel like the few people that know would question it more and ask what or how and cutting just lays it out there black and white in a way. SI and SH also makes me feel like I am just doing it based on myself and in my mind it's somewhat effecting others and partially triggered by others, so it's not entirely 'self,' not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, and maybe I'm not to the point of taking full responsibility for it and that's why I just prefer cutting.
I hate it when people say 'I cut' ... You cut what? Diamonds? When professionals ask me if I cut, I have to bite my tongue. It just annoys me; it seems to add an air of (can't think of the word) intrigue (?) that isn't needed. The word 'cutter' makes me think of a boat.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
People have the right to dislike certain words for whatever reason. Even if it relates to something self inflicted and unhealthy it doesnt mean they should just get over it. They still have the right to choose how they prefer to be referred to.
Of course, but then again someone else has the right to use that term if they want and prefer. I'm simply suggesting that an attempt to 'reclaim' the word might be better, since it wouldn't cause as much personal offence down the line.
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The reason nigger isnt acceptable any more is because people said, no i dont like being called that.
In some circles it is acceptable. In the same way that "queer" has been successfully altered, so that it is no longer really an insult. Anyway, words are words, they don't have power until you give them it.
Quote:
And i also think that saying self harm rather that cut, burn, slef laceration or anything else like that is preferabke for reasons of tastefulness. Its a better way of dis ussing it as except in a professional setting people are better off not knowing the particulars more often than not
Can you explain this, please? Are you saying that only professionals need to know what type(s) of self-harm you use, and so that is why to the 'general public' the term self-harm is better? I'd agree that there is no need to go around telling people the ins and outs of your actions, but there is a hierarchy of self-harm in terms of what is more socially accepted. Take two extremes: alcoholism and self-amputation. One is going to be much more accepted than the other. So that is why I personally, differentiate my self-harming actions, because the term "self-harm" is much to broad.
Not at all bothered. Cutter, self-harmer, self-injurer...couldn't care less. It's just a descriptive term for the actions i undertake, it doesn't define who i am.
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
