This is not really SI-related, but had more to do with my overall condition:
I had times in school when I would just sit in class, staring out of the window and not being there at all, sometimes people would talk to me and I wouldn't notice.
So one time after I had one of these days again, a teacher came to me after class and said "You were really absent today, weren't you?", in a warm and reassuring voice.
It somehow helped me because I realized that people noticed and cared.
Another time a teacher that I really liked came to me after class (I was still staring into space and had not even noticed that the lesson was over), calmly tried to get my attention, then looked me directly in the eyes while she was writing her telephone number in my notebook and said:
"Whatever day- or nighttime it is, whatever it is that bothers you, whenever you have the urge to talk about something or whenever you want to talk to get your mind off doing something... give me a call."
I was so perplexed, I couldn't even say anything. We had quite a few telephone conversations after that and it helped me a lot, to know that somebody cared so much.
An indefinable yearning, possibly for something he once knew and then lost or for something he never knew and has always been searching for.
"To Miss Perfect
One of the most alarming memories I have from my time as a teacher is when you wrote some horrible stuff about yourself. It's amazing how wrong people can be when judging themselves. You are extremely talented and should be so much more confident than you are.
One piece of advice you MUST take:
HAVE MORE FAITH IN YOURSELF
You really can afford to.
Good luck"
This is after the teacher caught me scrawling words about myself "fat ugly disgusting etc" on paper in class and she made me rip it up. I didn't really like the teacher, and didn't open up to her or anything, but it was nice that she cared and she was genuinely shocked that I could feel so bad about myself.
I never explicitely told my old psych teacher (who has now left :( ) that i sh-ed but i know she suspected and she knew i was having a hard time, but one day she called me up after the lesson once everyone had left and said -
I know you try and convince everyone that you are okay, but i also know that you are not. I just want to let you know that you dont need to pretend with me anymore and if you ever want to talk to someone or need anything at all, i am here.
It was lovely and so unexpected :) i still talk to her now.
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
Some of the things on here are just so beautiful… It's sometimes really simple things that are most powerful.
Once, my science teacher just asked me if I was okay. It just really shocked me because I didn't think that anyone could notice.
My coach met one-on-one with us all one time and I was really nervous and he just said that he knew that I didn't like to talk much, but it was okay. And he just sat next to me and ignored my fidgeting and told me some really, really nice things about my playing. I was really jittery afterwards from nerves and it took me forever to calm down, but he'd said so many nice things that I could convince myself not to cut. He just treated me really nice.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
I've found this thread a bit late! I was thinking of starting a similar one and then saw it:)
I wanted to share some things my lovely boyfriend told me. No-one else (except medical professionals) knows that I SH. I am trying to stop and it is going ok, harming much less frequently but hugely depressed by my slip-ups. These were his responses!
"You could never let me down. Yes sometimes I get sad when you tell me you've harmed, but thats because I know it's either really tough for you right now or it has been recently, and I don't like that. But you could never disappoint me"
and yesterday after a slip:(
"You've been doing so well. Doing it one time doesn't matter, you're doing so much better."
Before I stopped SI the first time after high school, I have a few particular instances with teachers I'd like to share. The first was right after I started, my freshman history teacher saw that I had stopped doing everything in my class. Once, when I didn't turn in a huge project at all, he asked if I was going to do it. When I said no, he said, "this is 100% your decision... But you were a fantastic student just a month ago. Something has gone wrong, I can see it in you, and I want you to know that it won't be the end of you."
A year later, in the midst of some of the worst of it an at te end of my sophmore yeach, my next history teacher said to me, "this is the only thing you need to do to get through. I don't know what's wrong, but don't let it get you to repeat this class. Take this extra credit and proove it wrong. Tell it that it's not allowd to eat you."
I passed that class.
Then my senior year, I was crying in my band director's office, tellin him thanks for everything and that I'd miss his class he said, "Cara, you're a beautiful person, and a fantastic artist in everyway- whether you may think so or not. You've learned a lot in your years with me an I know that once you leave this school, you'll take your art by storm, and you'll leave behind what hurts you so much."
I stopped SI for 2 years after that. It makes me teary just thinking about it. It meant so much to me, and still does. It meant so much to hear from someone that they wanted me to feel better.
At my workplace about a year ago, I told a woman good news, I had gotten a bank account away from my parents control and she said, "good for you!" it honestly shocked me, because nobody has ever said that to me. And when I do anything, even wait 5 minutes to SH or stand up and walk inside instead of brooding alone, in her voice in my head, I say "good for you!"
Last edited by OneMillionQuestions : 19-09-2011 at 05:34 AM.
Bare with typos and such, I'm doing this all with an iPod. ^^
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
la la la la la la la la la
to the day in my new era
(Following a disagreement with another Dr over his wish to ring the crisis team) "So what happened tonight then?" and he also asked "so are you going to do this forever?"
Which really affected me in a weird way. It was his way of telling me that it wasn't the way forward, but without being judgmental. It really made me think and I was surprised with my response too. I didn't expect myself to say 'no', and that 'this wasn't the way I imagined my life to be.' I also said that if this was going to be my life, then it was going to be a short one- but that was in a positive way- as I don't want SH to define and eventually consume the whole of me.
He was so supportive and caring. He also made me feel like I did the right thing getting treatment.
My BF as always was also amazing- he was pleased I had gone but more pleased that I didn't see this as my whole life.
There are people out there guys- just don't focus on the negative people.
Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins, just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I better leave the light on
The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness,
O, I need this
Hi, I'm Roli Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
I rang my old cpn up a few days ago and she told me ' Whenever you ring me lauren your in a better place then the last time you phoned me, your in a much better place then you was 2 years ago and even last year aswell ' :)
"Are you ok babes?"
Me: Yeah fine
"I'm worried about you"
Me: "I'm fine, sorry for worrying you"
"Don't be daft, that doesn't matter, I just want to make sure you are really ok"
He didn't really say anything, but he made a video with pictures of me and him and uploaded it on Youtube, just to tell me that he loved me and supported me. In the end of the video he wrote:
"We will always be friends.
I will always love you for the person you are.
And I hope that you always will keep me as your friend."
RIP Andie. People die, friendship will never die.
Close the world, txEn eht nepO.
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr. :'3
Him: i owe you three hugs
Me: how come?
Him: cause 1)i hurt you. 2) you're pretty. 3) you might like hugs
This was the same night i told him about it
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
'' you're a very pretty girl, so believe in yourself ''
It's just nice to know that someone actually thinks I'm pretty
When things were going just about right :
'' I'm pleased you are happy ! So you should be, you are an amazing person so don't forget''
And then when things got bad again and I didn't know what to do :
'' just let them help you, they will work as a team and help you through it, cus if they tell anyone without you knowing you can sue them, trust me i am nurse, you need all the help on offer matey, even just someone to talk too''
This one really helped when I was really depressed, it reminded me that there are people who do care about me.
These three quotes come from someone I know personally who happens to be a nurse but has never treated me or anything.
And then the other day I had SH quite a bit and was only wearing 3/4 sleeves and t the end of the lesson my teacher asked me if I was alright to which I said yes and then went because I was in a rush but now I regret not talking to her more ... & also the school nurse who is the only person who ever really gets to see my cuts once said '' I'm happy to see you today, it means you are okay and haven't done anything too bad'' this kinda woke me up because it takes quite a lot for medical staff to genuinly be that worried about one person.
It's great that people have had supportive helpful comments :)
The people closest to me just have this attitude that I'll come through all of this and stop self harming totally. Even when things get bad they say things like "you'll get through this" "you won't feel this way forever" etc. It's like they know I'll recover and their faith in me really helps me to think "yeah I can do this".
After an OD, my therapist said "I'm not angry at you sweetheart, I'd just be heart broken if anything was to happen to you." Made me feel like someone actually cared which was nice :)
And my psychology teacher once said to me "you can't kill yourself, I'm relying on you to get the only A* in my class this year". I think that was his way of telling me he cared without being too soppy :) I didn't get the A*, I got a D but he was still proud of me :)
Take Care, Stay Safe, Shout if you need anything
