If you mean me, Erin, I'm not saying that's what you're saying.
I'm just sick of it all. I have an eating disorder, been abused, self harmed, attempted suicide, yadda yadda yadda. I don't depresswank into forums and talk about how brilliant suicide and self harm is. I'm trying to move forward.
Edit: Just to prove a point...
Thread about self harm songs - 23 pages.
Thread about suicide songs - 2 pages.
Thread about light hearted/funny books - .....4 replies.
I'm just sick of it all. I have an eating disorder, been abused, self harmed, attempted suicide, yadda yadda yadda. I don't depresswank into forums and talk about how brilliant suicide and self harm is. I'm trying to move forward.
Sorry Chels but. Are you saying you've never done that? You're trying to move forward now and this is good but were you trying to move forward the moment you joined the site? (You don't have to respond, I'm just ware that there is a difference in level of these things and I think that's based on recovery stages perhaps, and coping strategies).
And what is the difference of "depresswanking" into forums like creative corner or r&r as opposed to ranting and venting which, well, many threads there just sell to me how awesome eating disorders and self harm are for the glorified way they are often described. (I don't mean specifically your posts).
And what is the difference of "depresswanking" into forums like creative corner or r&r as opposed to ranting and venting which, well, many threads there just sell to me how awesome eating disorders and self harm are for the glorified way they are often described. (I don't mean specifically your posts).
^ I was going to say something very similar, but probably less tactfully so I didnt press post cos I was in a snappy mood. You said what I am thinking but probably better way. Some people use a lot of poetic prose to describe their ED in a 'pretty/beautiful' way that is quite simply glamorising to me.
To add, I am probably most unbothered by the CC and R&R cos I dont often go on those boards and have no particular interest in reading depressing crap thats been sensationalised for the purposes of making money and creating an ever more shocking story.
Its like articles about anorexia.. how exactly is it informative and productive, the titles 'I dropped to [Insert deathly weight here]' dont convey the message the writer would use to defend the article of 'dont do it'. And yes I have been sucked into that before. Its hard not to, but its not okay. Its rather wrong. How a person can allow an article to be made of their story and justify it to themselves as a contribution to society to tell their story will always elude me. It strikes more as advertising than a warning, because when a person needs warning, they tend to have an issue already and a vulnerability to be sucked in by such an article.
Last edited by MissAnonymous : 14-09-2010 at 12:43 AM.
Why? Not everything in any of these forums are trash. R&R has tonnes of great threads that make no mention of SI.
In terms of the SI board does every thread need to be recovery based? If you want ryl to embrace reality (like in the other popular thread on this board) then we need to except that not everyone is going to want to recover. TBH most people who wonder here at first just want to know they are not alone which isn't a bad thing. It makes you feel like a person not some freak that is only in over-dramatic books and movies.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Decided I'm too lazy to read four pages of replies, so, basically, I don't care if they're on here or not, if I want to find them, I'm going to find them, so is every other member here, whether they're on RYL or not. Google shares everything.
I did actually Google something about self harm films for coursework I did at college and I got 720,000 results. So if people want to find something to trigger themselves with or whatever they want self harm films/books/songs for, they don't need RYL to find them. Just saying.
I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups. I'm gonna be having sex with him.
This is probably why I should not post for support on RYL again :3
Did not mean to offend but, tbh, there's a difference between posting for support and glamourizing self harm/eating disorders/yadda. But that opinion is not wanted so.
I'd also like to say that I made these posts on here when I was struggling a fair bit and also very bitchy. I apologise for offence I've caused, and I won't be a hypocrite and ask for support/rant in the future.
This is probably why I should not post for support on RYL again :3
Did not mean to offend but, tbh, there's a difference between posting for support and glamourizing self harm/eating disorders/yadda. But that opinion is not wanted so.
Yes, there is a difference and it's usually quite clear in posts. I really do think there is a problem when people feel they cannot post for support on a website designed specifically for that.
Decided I'm too lazy to read four pages of replies, so, basically, I don't care if they're on here or not, if I want to find them, I'm going to find them, so is every other member here, whether they're on RYL or not. Google shares everything.
exactly. at least if someone here is like "im looking for suicide songs" they can get the same thing google would give AND a few supportive comments, or an "are you ok?"
GOOGLE EXISTS. GOOGLE LINKS TO TRIGGERING THINGS. so hey, how about we ban all mentions of google, yahoo, ask.com, the phone book, wal-mart (you can get tools there oh no!) and basically everything else that isnt "i used to be sad but now im all sunshine and rainbows but sometimes i almost get sad again so i dont wanna be reminded that bullshit exists in the world"
god, when i first joined there was barely any censorship at all, and now its like walking on ****ing glass because the word blade might upset someone who just wanted to read about the pretty grass in the immaginary everythings fine world. like if i say "i know a place where theres really triggery stuff" i cant post it cuz someone i met on here might message me on facebook and ask for a link, ya know... cuz PMs are censored to. so if i give the link on FB to someone i met here, have i broken a rule?
I thought this site was recovery based, not "cram recovery down everybodys throat because the people who started it are better now"
ya know the thing in profiles about stage of recovery, where theres "not trying to recover" i see lots of people with that, myself included cuz im just not ready. so if I want to wallow in misery by listening to gloomy sunday on repeat for three hours... who cares if its helpful... at least thats 3 hours im not cutting, or worse... posting something that might remind someone else they like to cut too.
the amount of censorship on here makes me sick.
heres a thought. how about we just have 2 labels for posts. positive and negative.
then the people who want butterflies and kittens can just look at positive threads.
and if i want to feel like im not the only miserable person in the world, ill look at negative.
and the people who just WANT to get offended and have something to complain about can petition their local government to just shut off the entire internet.
and yah, i probably sound like a heartless bitch right now but come on, seriously? censor everything that isnt helpful? thats a bit too far.
sorry if im making little sense, this whole thread pisses me off.
if you dont like a thread about sh songs, dont look at it. some of us find it theraputic. i crank up my suicide playlist instead of breaking out the razors quite often, so you deal in your way and let others deal in theirs
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
I see some Black and white thinking on this thread. It's either 'wallowing in depression' or 'recovery focused'. Is life really that way?
Shades of grey, and rainbow colours also exist.
/Katie's profound comment for the day!
Can we let people be who they are?
Can we let ourselves be who we are?
Do we really want to dictate people's lives and feelings and how recovery should look to them? Isn't that stifling?
Recovery is not a straight line.
The tool box of healing can be multi faceted.
We all carry different stages of recovery within us at any one time.
/ok that's really the end of my broadcast for the day now!
Arienette, I don't think anyone wants these things banned, it was more a clarification of the rules. I know that I can't understand why surrounding yourself with these topics in all different types of media is helpful, and I would like to understand, as would some others.
I'm a huge supporter of a more open RYL, where censorship isn't so prevalent and there isn't an atmosphere of walking on eggshells.
Last edited by The One Who : 26-09-2010 at 01:02 PM.
sorry if im making little sense, this whole thread pisses me off.
if you dont like a thread about sh songs, dont look at it. some of us find it theraputic. i crank up my suicide playlist instead of breaking out the razors quite often, so you deal in your way and let others deal in theirs
I think actually, the people on this thread who are talking for the most part about the negative atmosphere created by R&R (and other aspects of this forum) are actually the ones who, for the most part, argue against extreme censorship - and also, I really don't think anybody is saying that they should be outright banned, more just asking for clarification/sharing thoughts and opinions etc.
I do hear what you're saying about these songs, but whilst they can be therapeutic in the short-term, I'm just not totally convinced that in the long-term they're completely helpful or positive. Surrounding yourself with negative forces (and that isn't intended to be as new-age hippy as it comes across :P) does have a potential to pull somebody who's already vulnerable further down. That's not saying that everybody has to be all ready and raring to recover, but there's a difference between pushing recovery down people's throats and promoting perhaps damaging behaviour?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irene
As I understood it RYL was intended as a place that was neither pro nor anti, but a place where one could just be. To my mind this is one of the great strengths of RYL.
... That's interesting. Can I ask why you see it as such? I hadn't got that impression of RYL; to me, it's (intended to be) primarily anti-sh and recovery focused. I've been to a number of other websites that would be a lot more central and allowing people to 'just be' - people are allowed to share food porn and weights and restriction, but also people do share concern for other members and offer support etc. RecoverYL has always seemed to be far more focused on recovery; things like the fact that it's called recoveryourlife, that on the front page it says "We do not condone any pro-activity or encourage anyone to hurt themselves in any way" - to me has always implied that the main focus should be pro-recovery.
Maybe that's pretty much the issue with this for me at the moment - there doesn't seem to be a clear, defined 'aim' of RYL, for want of a better word. On the one hand, we've banned numbers in the ED forum to have a more positive atmosphere, but on the other hand there are a huge number of threads on SI/depression/mental health/suicide songs/tv programmes/lyrics, that really doesn't contribute to a positive atmosphere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie
Can we let people be who they are?
Can we let ourselves be who we are?
Do we really want to dictate people's lives and feelings and how recovery should look to them? Isn't that stifling?
Can we let people, though? I mean, I'm not saying that I know best, but surely the point of RYL is to ask for and offer help, advice and support - and in doing that you're impacting on how they live their life, and how recovery works for them? And is it really wrong to intervene when somebody is engaging in a damaging behaviour? I know you're only posing questions, Katie, but that's just my thinking too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire
I know that I can't understand why surrounding yourself with these topics in all different types of media is helpful, and I would like to understand, as would some others.
Yus yus yus!
Last edited by Dreaming. : 26-09-2010 at 01:20 PM.
If someone PMs you and asks for a triggering link and you PM it to them its not censored,not sure where you got that idea from.Unless PMs are reported we dont have any dealings in them.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
... That's interesting. Can I ask why you see it as such? I hadn't got that impression of RYL; to me, it's (intended to be) primarily anti-sh and recovery focused. I've been to a number of other websites that would be a lot more central and allowing people to 'just be' - people are allowed to share food porn and weights and restriction, but also people do share concern for other members and offer support etc. RecoverYL has always seemed to be far more focused on recovery; things like the fact that it's called recoveryourlife, that on the front page it says "We do not condone any pro-activity or encourage anyone to hurt themselves in any way" - to me has always implied that the main focus should be pro-recovery.
Maybe that's pretty much the issue with this at the moment - there doesn't seem to be a clear, defined 'aim' of RYL, for want of a better word. On the one hand, we've banned numbers in the ED forum to have a more positive atmosphere, but on the other hand there are a huge number of threads on SI/depression/mental health/suicide songs/tv programmes/lyrics, that really doesn't contribute to a positive atmosphere.
I think it's a mix of being allowed to be, but with the expectation that you will eventually recover. Or at least come to the realisation that what you are doing isn't really healthy or beneficial. Maybe?
The ED forum is always singled out in these discussions, but the removal of numbers was to reduce the rather 'pro' atmosphere that was there, as well as the 'I'm worse therefore deserve more support' thing that was going on. It was to take the focus away from numbers and turn it towards feelings and thoughts. At least that's my understanding of it. But, yes, whilst this has happened in the ED forum, elsewhere the old attitudes prevail.
However, I think in order to really recover, we cannot shy away from things. Which is why I support a more open RYL. I do agree that RYL needs to understand what exactly it is for, and where it's future lies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by badbadkitty13
like if i say "i know a place where theres really triggery stuff" i cant post it cuz someone i met on here might message me on facebook and ask for a link, ya know... cuz PMs are censored to. so if i give the link on FB to someone i met here, have i broken a rule?
I didn't think it was appropriate to advertise you own site (which you yourself had said was very triggering) on a site which promotes recovery, especially not in a support forum. Maybe it's because I don't see how that can possible help anyone who is struggling, I don't know. There is a difference between being open to discussions about serious topics and having good support, and sitting looking at pictures of self-harm and other 'triggering' things.
If someone PMs you and asks for a triggering link and you PM it to them its not censored,not sure where you got that idea from.Unless PMs are reported we dont have any dealings in them.
a thread i made referred to but didnt name a site where theres things allowed that arent allowed here and may be triggering.(sharing sh photos namely) I stated i would not give the link, and asked in the post if giving it via PM to those who thought it would be helpful was allowed. the entire post was deleted and part of the reason given was that members might PM me for the link, and there would be no way for mods to know if i was giving it out or not.
"The rules of this site still apply to private messages, therefore we would not allow the url of *site* to be handed out in this way. Even if you did state in your thread you could not give out the link, people would nevertheless ask for it and we would have no idea if you had given it out or not."
hence censoring PMs. but the way i see it is, if i make reference to a site with SI pics and with an explanation of how it is used in a positive way, ( such as, when someone says theyve cut, and posts a photo, either our minds can be set at ease because its not severe, or we can strongly encourage a visit to hospital ) and dont give the link in a post... nobody will click it and be accidentally triggered and people who think it would be helpful could get the link privately. which would be much more helpful than someone just doing a google search for SI images. .. a forum allowing images that are attached to an actual person is way safer than google. sometimes, the extreme severe injuries will cause people who recently started to stop faster cuz they see how it progresses over time.. and they care about the person who did it. and when your SI is so bad it makes someone else stop in their tracks, thats some damn good motivation to quit. another thing, people tend to downplay their harm. "its only a flesh wound" says the knight with his arm cut off...
and in all the time ive been on there, i have NEVER seen SI get competetive. 2 drops of blood are treated with the same support as a nearly amputated limb. ... (though the limb might make 2drops decide to quit while theyre ahead)
same as with looking for books, movies, songs with SI themes. if people are on this site asking for that material, theyre at least around supportive people who will also talk to them about why they want such things.
like the si books thing, I could google "self harm books" and get a crapload of results. if I ask here for self harm books, members are going to reply with ones theyve found helpful, and may say not to get certain ones as they may trigger. id say asking for possibly triggering stuff HERE is better than just free searching. its like RYL is a filter for searches. or can be if people quit being so scared that something may be a tip.
like saying what a cut was made with isnt allowed, right? well one time i switched from one type of tool to another and the result was a way deeper cut than intended. if i were to post about that, it could save someone from the same mistake, or could be used by someone wishing to do more damage.
basically all that is shared here is support and information. if it turns into only support, people will look for info in other, more dangerous places. people will look for triggers on sites that actively encourage harm and even suicide.
any triggering information in any medium that is on ryl has support along with it.
im tired, my brain hurts and im bad at putting things in words. i hope some of what im saying makes sense
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
also, i wanna say recovering your life doesnt have to mean no longer cutting. it might be accepting that thats how you cope and teaching yourself damage control. having a place where you dont have to feel ashamed of your coping mechanism and where you arent made to feel guilty for having cut.
i hate when i cut ans its referred to as "slipping up" it says right on my profile im not trying to recover. calling it a slip up makes me feel like i failed and let people down.
like if i say Ive just cut, a reply of "did it help you feel better" could open a convo about the incident and reasons. but "oh its a slip up we all have them" makes it more like i did something wrong, and does absolutely nothing to actually put me in a healthier mindset. on the contrary, it makes me want to hide and play the im fine game, and not talk about it when i cut so im not that girl who keeps failing
Last edited by badbadkitty13 : 26-09-2010 at 02:32 PM.
Reason: add info
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
I didn't think it was appropriate to advertise you own site (which you yourself had said was very triggering) on a site which promotes recovery, especially not in a support forum. Maybe it's because I don't see how that can possible help anyone who is struggling, I don't know. There is a difference between being open to discussions about serious topics and having good support, and sitting looking at pictures of self-harm and other 'triggering' things.
I was not advertising, I stated the question was mainly for those not yet ready to recover, and asked if sharing with fellow harmers was helpful to anyone else. and I wasnt talking about just sitting around looking at pics, i meant being able to share your own. I've had cuts that to me were nothing, a fellow cutter requested i show him via webcam so I did, and the result was a plea to have it seen to which i did, because i care about others more than myself and it would hurt him for me to not be seen. the result was a large number of stitches.
I also did a series of what getting stitches was like, and 3 members who had been afraid of emergency room stopped being so terrified and started getting cuts seen to, which got the ball rolling on their getting help for the problems causing the SI.
and theres one member whose cuts are so severe that a few people who hadnt yet got to the later stages of SI (as in their injuries werent severe, im not downplaying the act itself) were like.. If i dont stop this now, im going to look like that. the girls SI has been the same for several years and basically shes been given up on by psychs, she has to have hemoglobin count periodically and must keep it above a certain level or she gets sectioned. she is thrilled that her pain has helped others to stop. at this point, SI to her is like biting ones nails. the reasons behind it have been worked on but the habit has remained.
I have been triggered by random images on google searches, but because i know the people whose injuries i see on a forum i am not triggered, because im busy looking after them and also would not want them to feel guilty forhaving set me off.
AND even if i were to link directly to the site in question, pictures are not easily accessable. people have to say why they wish to look, how they think it will help them. people looking to get "inspired" are turned down.
i think my question of whether or not giving the link was allowed in pms was misunderstood as me offering it. i was just requesting clarification on the rule.
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
