Support For Dave (bleedingdragon)

[Victim+Of+Hate]

Yuo can do this dave.stay strong ok?

[bleedingdragon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by victim+of+hate

Yuo can do this dave.stay strong ok?

Im glad you have faith in me i dont have much myself,
Im trying chels i am i will stay strong i dont know how long but i will
hugs

Dave

[bleedingdragon]

"Triggers "












I was triggered today by two bloody double glazing saleseman

i bet your thinking how could they trigger me?, well i didnt want any im sick of them calling but i was nice im allways f*cking nice to be honest i hate me for being to nice.

Well one says why dont you want double glazing we do a 1 year period where you can do this--no i will tell you why

Im Ill Health Retired BANG TRIGGER arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

keep it together dave keep it together

yer im ill health retired i was bullied in my job, well the bloody flood gates opened didn they, i couldnt get rid of them fast enough.

i have posted a rant in my thread it will explain all there im sorry for not writing more here i just cant, please look over my rant if you want to

i hate this nightmare i need to escape it and my bully i fear i wont
i cant handle it anymore
hes still cripling me omg i had to SI to its ok im safe

i need to escape i have to

[Jo xx]

take care dave
love Joxx

[bleedingdragon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jo xx

take care dave
love Joxx

Joe ,
Thankyou for your kind words and your support that helps me alot

i hope you are managing Joe please keep in touch with RYL we are all here for you anytime.


take care
Dave

[Ileana]

Hey there Dave *hugs* to you.

[shattered girl]

Dave, I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time.

You seem really overwhelmed. Try to take care of yourself. Have some tea, take a nap, go for a walk, whatever you need to do.

Please try and hold on, things can get better. I know its hard but you are a really wonderful, supportive, kind person and the world needs your light.

I hope life gets easier soon.

[bleedingdragon]

"Triggering self harm Bullying suicide "






















I cant deal with this **** any more ive had a horendous day i was triggered earlier today when i was out for a coffee and my bully crept into my head and crippled me ive had to rant to get it out i cant write it here please if you want to understand check my rant its to much i hate my bully and hes still winning its to overpowering im drowning in all of it

it scared me i self injured and i had to stop myself going deeper i hate your guts you two faced backstabbing sh*theaded bas*ard i will never be free of you and unless i hurt you bad or hope you die im not gonna get anywhere am i i so want it to drown me completly stop tormenting me bringing me to the point of lossing everything and then bloody pulling me back from the brink. id rather go over the edge please let me go

[hammy]

sorry you're having such a hard time. stay safe Dave. xxx

[bleedingdragon]

"Triggering Self Injury suicide"













Trust - hurts im never gonna trust anyone again ever ever

My trust in others has just been further smashed,

i dont know who to trust anymore, or what to believe, i give up trying ive been screwed up so much already from my past by my Ex and my Bully.

And someone else has done the same, here on RYL,Msn
i dont know what to believe now of what they said.

They made me believe they were seperated from their wife that she was in prison, that i cant go into certain stuff
as i want to protect myself right now ....****
im not making sense but i dont want to say what it is because i havent come to terms with it yet, myself
dont know if i can

im 42 for ****s sake and to old to be dealin with this **** anymore im sick of life and its crap, i wish i was dead
id be so much better off im tired of fighting
tired of trying to get a life back.

its not a life i wanted im gonna end up alone and i cant bare to be alone for the rest of my time however long that is but i cant bare to be with someone who will hurt me again,or i might be with a partner but hell will i find someone and could it work

someone who doesnt screw me up again hurt me again i cant bear that, and could we live our lives
without being bullied ridiculed and is it a life i really can live.

o god this is sounds so confusing i cant say to much
as im gonna fall apart

i ****ing hate you life its **** **** ****
i dont know if i can deal with this anymore, i fear being bullied ridiculed im sick of this life and all its complications i cant cope with it

**** **** ****ing ****, if this friend had been more truthfull it would have been so much better, i would have accepted them , i accepted what they told me anyway and i didnt judge them

but feel betrayed in a way.

i hope they can sort their life out they deserve to but they have hurt me for not being truthfull about alot of stuff.

i give up, i try to help others on RYL,Msn, and i try to believe others and accept them, hell they could be anyone
how the hell will i ever know who it is im talking to

just because there is a picture and they say this or that
how the hell do i know they are who they say they are

i dont know if i can do this anymore on RYL its to painfull
to hard, to much effort.

im so screwed up right now...messed up how could i be
be so ****ing stupid.

if they had been truthful from the start i would have accepted them but they said they shared stuff with me that
they havent been able to share with anyone else.

But now i hear what he says is the truth.......i just dont
know anymore how can i tell that anything he said was true.

you should have been honest with me from the start, i gave you acceptance and you chose to lie to me.

i know this is the internet and we cant see who we are talking to. Not like a face to face friendship . But because of that we have to attempt to trust those people we talk to through RYL, Msn.

Someone who has been on RYL and Msn for months and i became really close to, who i supported and became a good friend to, someone i believed was this person they talked about. Has just revealed that what he said was a lie.

cant say anymore im sorry if its confusing its because im keeping alot inside im scared of saying it as i dont know if i can live with it.

i give up trying i really do, i cant face people

[chocostashchick]

dave hon im sorry things are rough right now
stay strong - you are stronger than you give yourself credit for
hugs

[bleedingdragon]

Callie,
Thank you for your comforting words they help me, sorry its taken a while to reply im all over the place just tryin to keep it together.
Im tryin to stay strong its hard right now ive lost so much trust in others

take care of yourself Callie hugs you lots

Dave

[Mimsy]

Hey Dave,
I wish I could give you some words of encouragement to lift you- even just a tiny bit. You always have an amazing gift of words to calm each and every one of us down. I'm sorry I can't do the same for you.
Trust is something that once you lose with someone, its very hard to get back. I understand what you're saying about not ever trusting people again. But talking is perhaps the best remedy- chatting to friends about everything is so calming. I know that its probably too soon now to even think about that. The majority of people don't let us down, most people are true and honest. If only everybody was- pain in the world would be less.
Stay strong Dave, I'm thinking of you.
Miriam xxx

[chocostashchick]

awww dave thanks so much
"hugs you back"
im sorry you feel like you cant trust people anymore
trust is a valuable thing and some people arent worthy of it but that doesnt mean you cant trust everybody
dont let one bad experience ruin your opinion of everybody hun
there are a lot of us here who care about you, because you are so sensitive and smart and just such a good guy
we love you dave
look after yourself

[blondiebear]

I'm so sad for you that you lost your trust here, where we depend on each other so much.

You totally have my sympathy. I'm coming to terms with a mess of betrayal myself. Including violence and sabotage.

The #### nurses are giving you a hard time because you think you need more and different care?

Hugs and oh yeah another hug,
susan

[bleedingdragon]

Thankyou


Miriam
Callie
susan

your words are comforting to me please give me some more time
to reply to each of you i just dont have the words yet

Hugs you all
Dave

[chocostashchick]

dave hon you need to look after yourself right now
no worries at all about writing back
we know you care, you are always more than considerate
we just want you happy and healthy so just do whatever it takes to make that happen
look after yourself and dont worry

[bleedingdragon]

" Triggering , Self Harm , emotional mental abuse "


























Im sorry for not being around vets for a long time im struggling alot with
trust and what the **** from ryl did lying to me for months. Plus my other ****.


I decided to go out today its the first time in a while, i still struggle to go out incase i see my Ex or my bully.

i got into town and went to Diggles got myself a coffee,


I looked up and OMG ****......**** ..its my Ex ........

panick im ready to run

my mind is collapsing **** its drowning me

shes walking staright for diggles **** she better not come in
im panicking now shes looking at me and i turn awaay i cant look at her

im still scared of her it brings back what she did to me and im screaming
ive got to run from the **** i dont waant to be reminded but i dont have a ****ing choice its there in my head

ive got no where to bloody run im trapped

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i cant cope i cant handle this

if you come near me i will go mad i will shout and scream at you, stay the hell away from meee .........dont you dare come in

she changes direction and walks by the side of diggles

i have to stay focused not let her see shes hurting me, dont cry dave dont let her see shes screwing you up,i dont know how long i can hold it.

i cant take this im still ready to run and i cant look at her, shes gone thank **** for that.

inside im falling apart i cant deal with this **** anymore im shaking
and im ****ing crying all my **** is coming back and im drowning

im screaming inside over and over again i cant cope with this anymore

why the hell wont you drown me once and for all im sick of this life
sick of trying to survive your knightmare

i hate you you b*tch you destroyed my life and your still destroying it now


**** i cant get away from you , you torment me arhhhhhhhhhhh
when your not around your still in my head
and when i see you you tear me apart im crying like **** now and im tryinng to keep in control i fear im gonna lose it big time

i want it to overcome me and let me explode i want to give up

its been 4 years since i divorced you and your still killing me inside
when the hell will i be .............................free

im so sick of this life when will i be free im losing control and im not getting better im tired of this so tired i cant take anymore

let me crawl away and die i hope i never see you again
you ****ing torment me over and over

i want to hold on and i want to live but im struggling so much i want to escape how the hell can i get free from youuuuuuuuuuu

i wish it would end my torment
let me go and escape i cant keep going through this i cant take it,
i honestly thought i was stronger, but hell no
who am i kidding im a nervous wreck screwed up, broken, shattered
damaged, for ever shes inside me pulling me apart and im screaming inside

shes tearing me to pieces inside and all i can do is scream please someone rescue me from this hell

im scared im gonna do something ........to escape this ****


so much crap is in my head i wish i was dead why the hell are you still
tearing me apart im shaking violently tears pouring out

im scared im gonna lose it i can feel it below the surface, im trying to hold it back im shaking violently trying to stay together but im losing

im not strong enough anymore i will never be free of youuuuu
im tired of this battle im sick of the torment
i cant even be around you or see you without falling apart

im never going to be free i cant live like this, im scared shitless i want to
run from diggles but im scared and shaking ive got to
hold it together i have to get home ive got to escape thai ****

im scared incase you come past diggles again, im frozen to the spot
i cant move

im crying buckets and trying to stay composed theres people around
**** ****

ive got to push it all back deep inside ive got to inprison it lock it away but i cant its like a wild beast tearing around inside meeee

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just want to scream...and scream

im no better than i was years ago
i feel like im just as screwed up by her

your hell is my hell and its tearing me up inside im burning and i cant escape

i just want to die let me escape im sick of you
you torment me allways
i cant cope with this **** much longer

i cant escape what you did to yourself and what you did to me
i just want to be dead i cant keep doing this

i need to see the bloody psychologist

i want to hurt myself try not to

im still shaking now as i write this, **** i cant take this anymore
theres to much pain to much i still cant see her or be near her without

falling apart she still screws me up i hate you.....i hate you

i want to die

what hope have i got of getting a bloody life i cant because they are still
around my Ex AND MY bULLY you are killing me inside

i wish you were dead

i dont know anymore how long can i survive

got to hide im sick of hiding i still cant escape you even when i hide

[blondiebear]

Triggering Self Injury

Hi Dave,
I do understand what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing to a lesser degree maybe.

My mom is my tormenter. I've started calling her by her first name Julia so I can give this some third person and get some perspective.

Julia had surgery a year ago and I wish she hadn't come out of it. When my husband and I went to visit I took the book on Gem Trails in So. Cal. and showed her the place I wanted to go first, to get some marble. She snapped at me for not going someplace with something more valuable. Wretched woman.

I'm done spending holidays with Julia and the rest of my family. Last time I spent xmas with them Julia chewed me out for wearing shorts instead of a skirt. I'd had a fall the day before, had a big bruise across my sit-upon and figured if I moved awkwardly in shorts that at least i'd be covered. I still got chewed because Julia is extranged from the Uncle I'd spent the day with.
Ironically a year later that uncle kicked me off his property. Turns out he has the same mental illnesses as his sister and I didn't really see it until then.

This year my husband is taking me back to the same event, a gem and mineral fair and swap meet, so I can put a new set of memories over the ones I have of Uncle. My husband doesn't even like this event. But we'll have to get there early because i'm phobic of crowds.

I'm learning that I never really had a dad. Then one of the guys in one of my aa meetings was corresponding via e-mail. Then his wife objected. I can't blame the guy for loving and honoring his wife. I still get to see him once a week usually. He's on a cruise this week and i'm envious. I think of him as daddy-friend and i miss him. My aa sponsor is a substitute mom/grandma and i love her and am grateful.

I'm totally underemployed. I run a little sewing business from home. Yet there are days when the phone rings that I just whine. I'm afraid it is my parents or grandma phoning. One of my friends told me that she things I need a job I go to because that way I won't dwell on my problems. The problem is that I can't stop thinking so I'm hard to get along with at work. It is best that I keep my moodiness to myself. I can do that for long enough to work with my clients.

I've been having nightmares. They've been keeping my husband awake and it's starting to wear him out. One morning I woke up screaming. That is unlike me. I don't sleep like a log, I sleep like a rock.

I hate needing people. I'm tired of being hurt by them. In the last two years i've started separating from my parents. My uncle kicked me off his property. I had to change psychaitrists because the old one minimized her hours.
An aa sponsor fired me. Turns out that was a good thing but I sure didn't think so at the time. She fired me because she worried about her physical safety after I had an episode of PTSD and shoved someone away when I was freaking out. I've had to tell my friends that when I have an accident, unless i'm unconscious to please give me room until I tell them it's safe to approach, lest I hit them because inside i'm defending myself from my parents or sister. Every episode of PTSD strenthens the connections in the brain so the PTSD won't go away. It just reinforces itself.

I'm not playing games with you. I am who I say I am for whatever that's worth.
I understand how awful you're feeling.

Let me know if you want me to come to the entrance to your cave so we can talk. Sorry it will have to be the entrance. I'm afraid of closed in spaces and cautious about the dark.

PM me if you want.
Please keep us up to date.

*Walks up to the entrance to your cave and offers you a cherishing hug*

Blondie-Susan

[Mimsy]

I send you some hugs, I'm thinking of you Dave. I miss you around here xxx