not seeing him for about 5 hours, and have to go out and feed my horse before, I feel like I should do some work with him but just feeling like crap so its hard to think about working with him, plus he reads my emotions really well which makes it hard.
yeah my psych is really helpful, he actually understands and doesnt judge and is one of the few people I trust. He just keeps telling me that I'm a good person and that I've come a long way and that he has a lot of hope that I will get through this, problem is I cant seem to believe him. I honestly believe that I am the scum of the earth and deserve nothing good, I dont even know why I'm posting I dont deserve your support.
ps; I know, I always get confused about the time difference
Aww Ally your horse sounds lovely! Sometimes with animals it's nice to go and just "be" with them and not feel the need to do anything, particularly if your horse is really sensitive to you.
You do, you do deserve our support Ally and you deserve good things. I know believing that is hard for you but I truly hope that one day you will see the light Ally in terms of what a great person you are. I've really struggled with some of the same thoughts that you're describing and while I still have some bad days with them I can slowly feel that my perspective is shifting. I know that's possible for you too Ally. You can try to convince me and the others on this thread that you don't deserve support until the cows come home but I think you'll find that we'll still be here. Hopefully at some pont that will tell you something!
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you wish to make.
I hope you managed to see your pysch Ally. I know you feel there is no point, but you do deserve his help so you can get through this. Hold on there hun. I'm only a PM or facebook message away if you ever need anything. Take care lovely
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I too hope you managed to see him, it might seem hopeless but it can be good to talk about how you're feeling in times like these. Would you like to tell us about your day? Love you Ally, please, stay safe. xxxx
I hope you managed to see him today and that it went okay. Were you able to get things out? Did it help to see him? Keep on fighting this Ally, you can make it.
thanks guys, I saw him, it went ok I guess, but I still feel terrible. God I sound like such a self centred bitch. I'm sorry, I guess I just need hugs or something.
Had to pick up my dad from the airport today, on the way home we ended up talking about when I was a kid and how much he ***ked me up basically. It's really gotten to me, just had a b/p session and feel like absolute crap.
It's all hopeless, completely hopeless. Why the hell am I even trying anymore? Enough, I'm sick of trying and failing miserably.
*Hugs* You are not a self-centered bitch, if you were you wouldn't care about others. Hold on there hun. Sorry not much advice, but I am thinking of you. Love you lots sweetheart xxxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
thanks Kat love you too, I just dont know what to do anymore. Where do I go from here? I shouldnt have talked to my dad, it's bought up so many painful memories and I feel like I have to do something to make it all stop. I dont know, just feel so lost and so alone.
I know it's not a long term solution but what about taking your night meds a bit earlier and staying on here (I am happy to keep talking with you too if that helps at all) until you feel sleepy enough that way you are safe. Also there is the option of ringing a support line or a friend or someone, I know this might not be an option but I thought I would mention it. Sorry I wish I had more answers for you but somehow you will get through this. You are strong despite how much you probably can't see that right now. I believe in your strength, I just hope one day you can see that too. Okay I will stop babbling now
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
How was seeing P yesterday, did it help? Did he suggest anything that you can do when you feel like this? I'm sorry that talking to your dad brought up so many bad memories for you. How was your day other than that? Like Kat said, you could ring a helpline other than the crisis team since you said the night staff aren't very helpful, another helpline might just be. Know that we love you and want you to be okay.
you're not babbling, and thankyou. Just took my night meds just waiting for them to kick in, will stay online for a bit longer till they do. I wish that I hadn't picked him up, that I hadnt bought up the past, it just hurts so much now. I just want it to stop hurting.
I promised P that I wouldnt kill myself but my head is coming up with plans and I dont know how to make it stop.
It was ok seeing P, it helped a little bit but I still left feeling pretty bad. He suggested that rather than calling triage who cant really help that I email him instead, which I'm thinking about doing.
Otherwise my day wasn't great, P thinks that I'm depressed (no ****) and that if things dont start to change soon he will try changing my meds.
Thankyou for your support, all of you it means the world to me.
I think sending him an email would be helpful, even just as a way of getting it all of your chest. You will get through this sweetheart. We are here for you
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
You mean the world to us. Would a med change help? Emailing him sounds like a good idea, maybe you could include some of the things you have written here? Tell him about the plans in your head?
Feeling really tired meds kicking in ridiculously early might log off soon, but will probably email P tomorrow. I hope I dont wake up it would be so much easier...
