Triggering (SI/Suicide) - reached my limit - support really is needed please, please

[roiben]

Katie, thinking of you.
Can you be honest with your GP when you see them? I hope the appointment goes okay and it helps somewhat.
I am sorry you are feeling so desperate and have got to the point of planning. I think it would be useful to let your GP know that you have done this. Yes, I understand the comfort in having some controll and a way out is a form of that - But I am also worried, as I know how easy it is for the actual event to be an impulse.
I think that, in the circumstances, it may be worth e-mailing your therapist. Just to say you understand there have been flight problems and hope she is still able to make the appointment. She will let you know if she can't and she hasn't yet. So I imagine she will make the appointment.
*hugs*
Wish I could help more.

Roiben x

[Stellata]

Thank you.

I leave to go and see my GP in about an hour. My appointment is at 4.10.

I'm scared.
Also scared because the waiting room could be crowded at this time.
And it feels surreal, as I'm in a different head space than I was when I did the preparation I did.

I really am too nervous to email her. I'm doing my best to trust her, and she said she would always let me know. I've heard nothing yet, but am wary of grasping hold of hope too much in case it's dashed at the last minute.

[-Rainbow-]

*HUGS*
i suck with words and support. i want to let you know i am thinking of you, i am sorry you feel so low right now and i am only a PM away.
i hope you are safe. i mean what i say and i wish you luck with your gp appt, please let us know how it goes. *husg again* xx

[mikey]

Good luck with your appointment.
Perhaps you can ask the receptionist if you can wait outside if it's very crowded? As long as your GP knows where to find you I don't see why that would be a problem.

If she said she would let you know, then I'd trust to that.

Take care.

[Stellata]

Thanks.

Yes, mikey, I waited outside before, on Christmas Eve. They're ok about it. The receptionists know me pretty well, as I'm there once a fortnight.

[Stellata]

I was honest with my GP. To be honest, she didn't pay it any attention. It's like she was blocking it off because she didn't believe me/take it seriously - but not in a bad way, but in a 'that's not really you' way. Does that make sense? I did explain to her how the next morning I wondered if it had actually happened - the 'preparation' and the crying - but that I had the evidence. I guess I was outside myself, really.

[Stellata]

I'm nervous because I have to go to work today.

[makedamnsure]

Hey, I hope work goes/went ok. Well done for talking with your GP even if she didn't really take it seriously. At least you spoke up about it. xx

[Stellata]

Thanks. I coped ok...

Maybe she thought that if she acknowledged it, she would have 'fed' it, given it more power? Maybe?

[makedamnsure]

Yeah maybe.
I have a good friend who I often talk to about things but she usually refuses to acknowledge what I am saying and instead offers help just by being friendly and texting me about trivial stuff. Sometimes it can be helpful to not have feelings fed although it might feel a bit disappointing/rejecting at the time.
Glad work went ok for you and hope you have been looking after yourself. xx

[Stellata]

Thank you..