To Midnight: It's not your fault that happened to you honey. *hugs lots* I'm glad you felt brave enough to share, and maybe you can feel safe enough to share even more at another time.
To Wannabfree: It's not your fault you didn't run away. Besides, I'm sure she was stronger and would have been able to catch you anyway. She's the one who did wrong, not you honey. *hugs*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
To Midnight: It's not your fault that happened to you honey. *hugs lots* I'm glad you felt brave enough to share, and maybe you can feel safe enough to share even more at another time.
I think deep down, I know it's not my fault. It's just easier to blame myself because I can't think bad of my mom. Whatever she does, it's easier to think "she did that because I.....", instead of thinking that she's a vile woman. Because she's not. No matter what she's done, I still love her, and don't like saying bad things about her.
Midnight honey, just because you acknowledge mom did wrong and nasty things, that's not completely saying she's a nasty person. And even if you did, that's not giving up your love and care for her. It's opening the door for you to realize it wasn't your fault, and to recover.
Reaper: you have a right to be angry about what your mom did. And who says you can't do anything about it now? There's help for those feelings still.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
*creeps in*.. ive been abused by men but the first person who sexually abused me was a girl.. i guess it was more an extention of bullying if theres any such thing as sexual bullying but I was only little I dont know.... but I'm gld this thread is here.
I'm scared at the moment because I want to talk to my counsellor about what happened... but shes expecting me to talk about the guys, if i talk at all.. i dont know how to explain how much this girl messed me up...
Does your counsellor know about the girl at all? I know it's hard to talk about anything in sessions, but if you can let your counsellor know a bit, maybe she can take it from there?
Maybe you could try and tell us what happened with this girl, as a kind of a practise? We'll all listen and understand cos we've all been hurt by women, so it might be te best place to start as we wont be judgemental.
Just because it's someone close to your age and another girl doesn't mean anything bad about you. Someone doesn't need to be much older or a man to be scary or abusive. *hugs* You can tell us, and I'm sure you can tell your counselor too.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
the only time my lady made herself present.. she pretended to be my like rescuer.. i thought i was saved, she heald me and i clinged to her.. before she hurt me really bad.. im having alot of nightmares and flashbacks with this recently.. and its really distressing me... because it was a woman and she probably wasnt much older than me, she might have been someone i knew people keep asking why i have such bad abandonment issues i mean they think of my parents divorce etc.. but i dont tend to think of that i think of things like this... where i thought i was saved and then dumped. The times they stayed quiet and i was all alone, exposed not know where i was.. just being left after they hurt me. I dont know if i can tell anyone about her.. its one of my most frightening memories.. her laugh.. and me i clinged to her like a 4 year old... i really disgust myself sometimes. Im sorry... i didnt want to say at first but since i told on here its been digging at me.. im hoping this may ease it a little... sorry :(
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit"
-J.R.R Tolkien
*hugs Domino gently* That's a really really good job of talking honey. When you say it might have been someone you knew...do you not remember who she is? I was just a little fuzzy on what you meant there. And know what? You did just manage to tell us :) You proved that you can talk about that scary stuff. There's also nothing disgusting about you clinging like that. She was someone you thought was safe and who would love you, and evne though she hurt you, you still wanted some of that love and care. There's nothing wrong or disgusting about that. *hugs more* I hope it did ease some of the weight on you.
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
I dont know who she was... i couldnt see my eyes were normally covered so i couldnt see who the people were. My worst fear is that i'll one day recover the memories of the times i wasnt blindfolded and know the faces of my abusers.. because i would want to know what i did that they could hate me so much, just so i could avoid causing that hurt again. i know the one girl i mentioned in my previous post was a close friend which is why i consider that they may have been someone i knew.. its scary to think about and shameful.. but it would explain alot of the rumours about me that i had in school etc and how they always managed to track me down, when i deleted emails, changed telephone numbers etc i dont want it to be someone i know.. i could still be in contact with them and not know that they remember these moments. They know how bad i am.. Thank you for the *hugs* and kind message, you're a lovely person i just thought you should know that, i hope you're ok? x
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit"
-J.R.R Tolkien
bobbiwib: Age is irrelevent where abuse is concerned. The person doesn't have to be older than you for it to be important and damaging. I know you say you worry about telling your counsellor as you don't feel there is enough time to explore your feelings, but I'm sure that if you needed more sessions, then she's not going to turn you away. She's there to help you, and I'm sure she will see you for as long as it takes for you to be able to feel better about things. (And no, I'm not new to RYL)
domino: Well done for talking hunni, I know how hard it is, and you've done really well. It must be really hard not knowing certain things about what happened, especially what these people looked like. All I can say is to try not to force yourself to remember things as it's frustrating when you cant. Just wait for the memories to come naturally. I know you say that you're scared about remembering the faces of your abusers, but maybe it would be a good thing to help you put all the pieces into place. You just need to make sure that you've got a good support network around you to help you through this process as it will be so much harder on your own. Have you ever told anyone in real life about what happened?
From what I can remember is my witch teacher who is abusing me and all the kids in the class (Mind you, I'm deaf)..I goes to the deaf class into the school..
She pulls out on my hairs, spanking on my bum, banging on the sticks on the desk & makes me eat my lunch (I wasn't hungry cause she was abusing me). She makes me so sick in my stomach..I hates her so much with a passions.
She is telling lies to my mother about abusing me on the phone and my mom found out from the social worker in school and the social worker caught her abusing of the kid in the class while i was there ( she went behind the window where I saw her mabye). Then, I moved to a different school with a different teachers the one I really likes..
I'm sorry you had such a horrible experence with a teacher. Schools are supposed to be a safe place for kids. It's good that social worker was aware of it though so she could put a stop to it. Are you still at the school with the nice teachers though? Hopefully they'll restore you faith in teachers. Cos the majority of teachers are actually really nice. Thanks for sharing your experience though.
*hugs domino gently* Aw honey that must be extra scary not knowing who it is. But like midnight said, just wait and see if stuff comes up on who they were, and it might help. Have you spoken to a therapist about this? That sounds like you went through some really scary stuff that needs help. *snuggles* And you're not bad honey, that stuff done was bad, but you were a good girl and they were very wrong to hurt you. No one EVER deserves to be hurt that way. And thanks for saying i'm a lovely person, you seem that way too.:) Also, yes I'm fine.
SweetDeeDee, that teacher sounds just awful! I hope she got arrested for what she did to you all. It's good to know that you have nice teachers now though. :) *hug*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
people keep asking why i have such bad abandonment issues i mean they think of my parents divorce etc.. but i dont tend to think of that i think of things like this... where i thought i was saved and then dumped. The times they stayed quiet and i was all alone, exposed not know where i was.. just being left after they hurt me. I dont know if i can tell anyone about her.. its one of my most frightening memories.. her laugh.. and me i clinged to her like a 4 year old... i really disgust myself sometimes. Im sorry... i didnt want to say at first but since i told on here its been digging at me.. im hoping this may ease it a little... sorry :(
