I'm sorry for misunderstanding. The original post I was referring to said that people with autism lack that capacity, I was addressing that some people with autism can talk about their feelings, but I know that it is hard for most, if not everyone, with autism to do so.
Whislt MH professionals have heard of autism, very few seem to have grasped even the very basics. For instance, a close friend of mine has Aspergers, she went to a school that specialised in autism, and they sent her to a counsellor, who did the whole metaphorical stuff, you know, the story about the bean sprout, the potato and the onion in a boiling pot, onion peels, sprout... not quite sure what that does, can't remember (and can't cook) and the potato boils from the inside... in deal with feelings which one are you? This was obviously a pretty dumb thing to say to someone with aspergers, my friend was left asking people how the hell could you be an onion/how the hell can an onion feel?
Omg I can't even understand that metaphor now. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Aye, and this was coming from a therapist to someone who was well aware that my friend has aspergers... bleugh, services frustrate me so much.
I've been shouted at by counsellors and doctors who keep asking "how do you feel about it? What's wrong, can't you talk?" and cried in front of basically all of them. They then called me depressed, saying I was spontaneously crying, when really it felt like they bullied me into it.
This is why I'm very sensitive about this topic. I've spent my whole life trying to deal with other people and their hostility towards me, and I don't like it presenting itself when I'm trying to talk about my condition, especially as I find it really hard to talk about things I struggle with (I don't like admitting weakness at all).
Whislt MH professionals have heard of autism, very few seem to have grasped even the very basics. For instance, a close friend of mine has Aspergers, she went to a school that specialised in autism, and they sent her to a counsellor, who did the whole metaphorical stuff, you know, the story about the bean sprout, the potato and the onion in a boiling pot, onion peels, sprout... not quite sure what that does, can't remember (and can't cook) and the potato boils from the inside... in deal with feelings which one are you? This was obviously a pretty dumb thing to say to someone with aspergers, my friend was left asking people how the hell could you be an onion/how the hell can an onion feel?
Thanks for this. This is exactly what we have been saying. There is absolutely no point in a mental health prosessional using techniques they would normally use with people with an ASD. It doesn't work. The point is, while most mental health professionals have HEARD of autism and ASD's, most have no training in how to deal with or help people with them.
Just because you have known people with autism or an ASD does not give you the right to tell us that what we are saying is wrong. We are talking from personal experience, which we already made clear. And to be perfectly honest..
Quote:
My uncle with Aspergers sees a counsellor, is often telling us how sad he is, are you goping to tell him that he is wrong, and he doesn't have the ability to say that?
..Is a complete joke. If he understood his feelings and was able to deal with them (which is what we were saying people with AS have difficulties with) he wouldn't need to see a counsellor in the first place. We all have the ability to say, "I'm sad", or "I'm angry", ASD or not, if we can talk, we can say it, but understanding it is something completely different.
"you're telling me I'm stuck here with you?"
"No.. I'm stuck here with you."
Yeah, I hear you, I've also been screwed around by services with other things, and I know what its' like to be almost coerced into a diagnosis like depression etc. My friend also had utter hell, like you have, with mh services. I think anyone would be sensitive, I get so riled up when people try and tell me about my condition (particularly people who don't know me over the internet), anyway, sorry to ramble on about myself there.
Can I ask a question? Sorry, I'm not sure if it's appropiate here, so let me know and I can edit it, just, my friend with aspergers, and I've noticed this with all the other people I know/have known with aspergers (was in a special needs school so I know quite a few), will not hug anyone. When I've tried to hug her, she sort of stands as if she doesn't really know what to do, I've known her for five years, and the only time she hugged me was when my Dad died... is this generally something that most people with aspergers struggle? And is it best to avoid hugging my friend, I don't know if it makes things really difficult for her when I try to give her a hug? Sorry this is coming out all wrong, bleugh.
I've been shouted at by counsellors and doctors who keep asking "how do you feel about it? What's wrong, can't you talk?" and cried in front of basically all of them. They then called me depressed, saying I was spontaneously crying, when really it felt like they bullied me into it.
This is why I'm very sensitive about this topic. I've spent my whole life trying to deal with other people and their hostility towards me, and I don't like it presenting itself when I'm trying to talk about my condition, especially as I find it really hard to talk about things I struggle with (I don't like admitting weakness at all).
This is me as well. As I have already said, most people with an ASD have been damaged by other peoples complete ignorance or lack of understanding. As I have also said, MH pro's need to be better educated to recognise and deal with these kinds of behaviours and problems, and taught how better to communicate with people with ASD's.
I think anyone who has a problem with what has been said ought to take a good look at these posts, consider the fact that the people you are attacking here, have the problems we are talking about and try and be a little more sensitive and understanding. We are not trying to offend anyone, we are merely stating our opinions on a matter that has everyting to do with us.
"you're telling me I'm stuck here with you?"
"No.. I'm stuck here with you."
compleatly pointless post, but i had the oposite problem to you guys.
I was saw a camhs therapist who specialised in autism, for my eating disorder - which she didnt have a clue about!
Im sorry to hear a lot of people find it hard to get the right sort of help for their problems.
After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Can I ask a question? Sorry, I'm not sure if it's appropiate here, so let me know and I can edit it, just, my friend with aspergers, and I've noticed this with all the other people I know/have known with aspergers (was in a special needs school so I know quite a few), will not hug anyone. When I've tried to hug her, she sort of stands as if she doesn't really know what to do, I've known her for five years, and the only time she hugged me was when my Dad died... is this generally something that most people with aspergers struggle? And is it best to avoid hugging my friend, I don't know if it makes things really difficult for her when I try to give her a hug? Sorry this is coming out all wrong, bleugh.
I can only answer this from my own experience, so it won't be the same as your friend. I have never let my Mum or Dad hug me. Before I was diagnosed, my Mum used to joke that I could give her a hug for Christmas, but after all the lengthy meetings with psychiatrists and neuropsychologists, she finally learnt not to try to push me into that. However, I will hug certain friends who I know hug me, I will just never be the person to initiate it. I also hug boys I know well but, again, generally only if they initiate it. I like hugs and cuddling people but it depends on the person and the scenario. I feel very awkward about my parents hugging me because they've been quite horrible to me in the past and I'm confused about how I feel about them. I suppose I can't trust them, and I have to trust people in order to let them into my personal space.
I'm impressed that she hugged you when your Dad died, she obviously knew that's what you wanted. I have a tough time telling if someone wants a hug or not, most of the time I'll actually ask them outright. I think she might be surprised when you hug her because she doesn't know why you're doing it, but I think perhaps you could ask her if she likes being hugged? I cannot really tell if she likes it or not, she might just not know how to react.
I'm never sure what people are thinking/feeling and consciously work it out from their body language. For example, I've had loads of boyfriends and other relationships with men, but I STILL can't tell when someone's about to kiss me!
I think anyone who has a problem with what has been said ought to take a good look at these posts, consider the fact that the people you are attacking here, have the problems we are talking about and try and be a little more sensitive and understanding. We are not trying to offend anyone, we are merely stating our opinions on a matter that has everyting to do with us.
Completely agree, QFT!
Also, I wanted to add, that I know this thread has been stressful at times, but thank you Nil and Patchwork for perceveiring, I feel I have a better understanding of Aspergers for it, and it's really helping me realise more of what my friend struggles with, and also that she really doesn't mean to be mean when she's blunt and such, a lot of what you've said has really resonated with me. Thank you.
Also, I wanted to add, that I know this thread has been stressful at times, but thank you Nil and Patchwork for perceveiring, I feel I have a better understanding of Aspergers for it, and it's really helping me realise more of what my friend struggles with, and also that she really doesn't mean to be mean when she's blunt and such, a lot of what you've said has really resonated with me. Thank you.
That's awesome :) I know sometimes I'm overly blunt on the forums but, to be honest, I actually don't know I've been rude 99% of the time and never try to be unpleasant to people (I doubt most RYLers would believe that at all). However, I've stopped arguing when Mods edit/delete my posts and just sort of tried to learn the rules. It takes a lot of effort though.
Can I ask a question? Sorry, I'm not sure if it's appropiate here, so let me know and I can edit it, just, my friend with aspergers, and I've noticed this with all the other people I know/have known with aspergers (was in a special needs school so I know quite a few), will not hug anyone. When I've tried to hug her, she sort of stands as if she doesn't really know what to do, I've known her for five years, and the only time she hugged me was when my Dad died... is this generally something that most people with aspergers struggle? And is it best to avoid hugging my friend, I don't know if it makes things really difficult for her when I try to give her a hug? Sorry this is coming out all wrong, bleugh.
I have pretty much the same answer as Nil to be honest. I don't like my personal space to be invaded. If I invite someone in that's different. Also it can be quite difficult to tell when that sort of thing is expected, and when it's unwanted.. the fear of rejection or someone being angry often stops me from doing these kinds of things, because I know I will have difficulty in dealing with those kinds of reactions, and I won't know how to react myself.
Obviously everybody's different, so I'd talk to your friend about it if I were you. Might be difficult for her to explain though. I'd say in general, if you want to hug her, just ask if that's OK, and don't be offended if she says no. Hope all of this made sense.
"you're telling me I'm stuck here with you?"
"No.. I'm stuck here with you."
the fear of rejection or someone being angry often stops me from doing these kinds of things, because I know I will have difficulty in dealing with those kinds of reactions, and I won't know how to react myself.
Oh yeah, definitely! I was trying to say that. I'm really scared of rejection and don't know what to do when it happens, so I avoid it completely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patchwork
I'd say in general, if you want to hug her, just ask if that's OK, and don't be offended if she says no.
I think that's a good idea. Also, when people ask things like "do you want a hug?" or "do you want to go ____?" and I don't want to, I tend to bluntly say "no" instead of something like "no, but thankyou for offering" because I don't feel I should thank them for offering me something I don't want! I know that sounds silly, but if I'm having a day where I'm less socially able than usual, I can sometimes be like that, and your friend could give an equally short response, but don't be offended.
Also, I wanted to add, that I know this thread has been stressful at times, but thank you Nil and Patchwork for perceveiring, I feel I have a better understanding of Aspergers for it, and it's really helping me realise more of what my friend struggles with, and also that she really doesn't mean to be mean when she's blunt and such, a lot of what you've said has really resonated with me. Thank you.
A little more understanding is all I hoped to achieve by carrying on this thread. I'm glad it had helped you, and it's nice to know that some people are actually interested in our point of view. It's easy to read a book or info on the net and think you know it all, but seeing things from our side and trying to understand is a lot more difficult.
"you're telling me I'm stuck here with you?"
"No.. I'm stuck here with you."
Also, when people ask things like "do you want a hug?" or "do you want to go ____?" and I don't want to, I tend to bluntly say "no" instead of something like "no, but thankyou for offering" because I don't feel I should thank them for offering me something I don't want! I know that sounds silly, but if I'm having a day where I'm less socially able than usual, I can sometimes be like that, and your friend could give an equally short response, but don't be offended.
I've struggled with understanding people, and I've struggled to try and explain myself. It's taken me a very long time to realise things about people, that most just know instinctlvely. I'm 21 now, and I still struggle with relationships and people. I've learned things that I should say and do, but I don't naturally think of saying or doing them because they just don't occur to me. For instance when someone comes to my house, I wouldn't say "would you like a cup of tea". This leads people to thinking I'm rude, or so I'm told. But if someone asked I'd be perfectly happy to get one, it just wouldn't occur to me to ask.
I think the best way to understand how to be with people with AS is to just put everything simply, and try not to expect too much. What we see is the straightforward. Looking beyond what is said, or body language is difficult. Just look at everything as it is. Don't drop hints, or try to signal them to do things. Ask simple questions, expect simple answers. Don't make things overly complicated, just say it like it is. If you want something, just ask. Explanations are more difficult, but with a little help and patience most can get there in the end.
Hope all of that made sense..
Also if anyone has any other questions, or if you want to PM me anytime Nil, feel free..
"you're telling me I'm stuck here with you?"
"No.. I'm stuck here with you."
I think the best way to understand how to be with people with AS is to just put everything simply, and try not to expect too much. What we see is the straightforward. Looking beyond what is said, or body language is difficult. Just look at everything as it is. Don't drop hints, or try to signal them to do things. Ask simple questions, expect simple answers. Don't make things overly complicated, just say it like it is. If you want something, just ask. Explanations are more difficult, but with a little help and patience most can get there in the end.
Hope all of that made sense..
Also if anyone has any other questions, or if you want to PM me anytime Nil, feel free..
I agree with that completely, and have noticed lots of people reading this thread so I hope they have learned something about ASDs.
Thankyou Patchwork, you too. If anyone wants to PM me questions they may as well.
That's awesome :) I know sometimes I'm overly blunt on the forums but, to be honest, I actually don't know I've been rude 99% of the time and never try to be unpleasant to people (I doubt most RYLers would believe that at all). However, I've stopped arguing when Mods edit/delete my posts and just sort of tried to learn the rules. It takes a lot of effort though.
Hi
Sorry to bounce on into this thread without having much insight etc. However, I hope you don't mind me saying Nil that I have viewed posts of yours in the past as rude or abrupt but seeing this thread and what you have to deal with, I now understand why. I'm glad I have seen this because it will stop me from misinterpreting your posts.
Take care!
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Sorry to bounce on into this thread without having much insight etc. However, I hope you don't mind me saying Nil that I have viewed posts of yours in the past as rude or abrupt but seeing this thread and what you have to deal with, I now understand why. I'm glad I have seen this because it will stop me from misinterpreting your posts.
