It's been ok. Saw a friend, got my hair done and sorted some stuff out. I'm massively struggling with London stuff. Not sure how much longer I'll be able to resist not going. I just really don't want to get sectioned. And my eczema is driving me mental but hey what's new.
Could you plan a day out in London with a friend? If you're going in the present, rather than when it feels like 2007, you wouldn't have any reason to be sectioned?
Very good point. I think the issue is confusion can hit at any point and if I'm in London I might lose track of things. I'm tempted to just go and see how things are when I get there. I'm not sure my mum would let me be there without calling the police to get them to section me but I can always just not tell her. Not sure how wise any of this is, just really want to go.
Could you be totally honest with your mum and ask her to come with you? That way she can take you home instead of the police getting involved? It may be impossible, but have you considered or would you be able to move back to London?
I could do. That's quite a good idea, just wouldn't want to stress her out. When I actually think about it I don't really want to live in London. It's expensive and smelly. It's just me trying to get back to a time I felt safer.
If not with her then, a friend of yours that she knows & trusts. Someone that could be in contact to reassure her all is fine. Is there anything other than London that made you feel safe at the time? Friends, hobbies, foods etc?
I think finding something else that made you feel safe would be a good idea.
Thinking of you.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I think the reason I'm drawn to London is that I was dancing full time then and I had more friends. I'm not doing anything with myself now, apart from uni which I'm not obsessed with in the same way I was with the dance and I'm not at uni ATM anyway. I can't go back to dance. I don't know how to get more friends. Dance was my life and I was good at it. I'm not good at anything anymore.
Is there any kind of dance you could get back into? How about teaching instead? Perhaps you could volunteer to teach some children or see if a local dance school has any openings? That way your friendship circle might get bigger too. Otherwise, dancing for your own enjoyment. In your room. Or at a salsa club or something. (I have no idea what dance you did, so this advice may be unsuitable) x
I can understand that in a way, I think I struggle with that and it affects my depression.
Is there any gentle kind of dancing you could get into again? Just to ease yourself back into doing something like that?
Perhaps doing some form of volunteer work (not even with dancing) would help to extend your social circle etc?
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Volunteering is a good idea. I can't face going back to the dance. My weight is significantly higher than it was when I was dancing and I think it would all just be too triggering for me.
Had a gp appointment which went okish and then had an induction at this recovery space that runs groups and what not which was good. It'll be somewhere to go and hang out of I want. I still want to go to London.
Why don't you arrange to go to London with a friend, as Fran suggested, and just make your friend aware of the issues around it.
I think it would be good for you to go just for a day out, there are some places that I've avoided going for years because things went very wrong whenever I went there before, but I had to go to one of these places recently for something else and it was actually fine.
Maybe you could go with your mum?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Yeah that's a good idea, just don't want to stress her out. But then again if she finds out I'm in London alone then she would stress more. Plus I'll do anything to avoid being sectioned again.
I think your mum would worry far less if she was there with you.
It would be good if you could plan stuff to do so there's not much time to dwell, like see a show or go to the aquarium etc.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Yeah I could try yoga or something. Not quite the same as the intensity of ballet. But maybe doing something physical would help.
Best friend is in hospital with an od again. And annoyingly I didn't realise I was out of cream for my skin. I don't think pharmacys are open on a Saturday? If I can't get any tomorrow I'm screwed.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Just struggling a bit nothing major. Took a zopiclone and some other meds. Been snorting some of my medication which is probably beyond stupid. I got a few meds from my gp that would be dangerous to od on the. I don't want to od but I'm not sure what to do with the meds. Probably not good to have them lying around. and I'm struggling with London stuff. It's too late to get the train today thankfully.
