Mari - What's going on for you at the moment hun? I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Can you talk to us? I really hope you're alright.
Carrie - well done for thinking about tomorrow as a fresh start, that's really positive. I'm sorry you didn't get your support today though. I hope your chilled out evening helps.
Me - thank you for all the kind words. I basically told my counsellor how much I'm struggling at the moment to keep myself safe and how much I'm struggling with the suicidal urges and how much I've harmed. She, and the doctor I saw, called the Crisis Team for me who then spoke to me and eventually asked me to come into the hospital as I said I wasn't keen on a police welfare check last night and I was feeling so suicidal I couldn't say I wouldn't do anything. So I went and they gave me some pills to help me sleep/relax and I've been back today. I saw the doctor and he's giving me more sleeping pills as a very short term measure and some anti-psychotics for paranoia and tension which is a longer term thing. They're going to give them to me in a few home visits which'll help a bit more as it means they're going to be there at least for a short time in the evening.
Oops, just realised how much I've written about me. Sorry about the essay
mari - it sounds like your struggling a lot have you thought of breaking out teh crisis plan ? maybe its time to call in some extra support ?
carrie - the best thing to do i think is to not dwell. so this week it didnt go so well but nesxt week try again.
try and keep yourself chilled today .
me - well im reading through the dbt stuff i was given and i got a 65 on my first assignment - not quite sure what that means but i think its good - dont think im doing anything tonight so im trying to plan a night where i wont crash
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Thank you Rowie. I'm going to have something to eat (ordered pizza to spoil myself!!), have a shower (shamefully for the first time in three days) and then take my sleeping tablet and head to bed. Hopefully this'll keep me safe tonight and then the team are coming tomorrow evening!
Its good that youre positive and are planning on keeping yourself safe tonight....i find bed the best place to keep safe. I think its really good that you have the support of the crisis team, I hope they help you hun xx
Ash ~ sorry things are so bad at the moment but its great that you are getting help, well done!! If yo uever want to talk please pm me. enjoy your pizza!!! yummmm!!! hope you get a good night sleepxx
Sarah ~ Im not sure what the score means either. I hope you find something to do.
Rowie ~ how are you?
Differences...are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. GOF
Albus Dumbledore
Hi Sam, am doing ok thank you. Ive had a couple of glasses of wine and feel really chilled out. have a few things niggling me, but nothing major that i cant discuss with my doctor next time i see him. Nope, all is ok thank you.
I've had a pretty hard day :( I went to see my friend in hospital, she was in intensive care. I know this is pathetic but I am so scared of being sick, I have a phobia of it and I know norovirus is rife in the hospital. I couldn't not see my friend though, as I said, intensive care patient so very worried about her :( Arrrgh, I feel so pathetic. How can I be worrying about being sick with all that going on?
I've got a gym induction for 1130 and the thought of going and pretending to be normal in a strange environment whilst a strange person shows me round etc is really scaring me, pathetic eh. So anxious.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
hey carrie, you can do it, its great u have the induction good luck with it :)
lottie - its great you went to visit your friend, im sorry shes not well :(
*sigh* my benefits havent been paid in because i didnt get my sick note to them in time, but i sent it as soon as i could, not my fault they sent the letter just before it ran out :/ so now i have to wait and hope it arrives soon and then it will be next week before i get money. fine when they closed the medical centre without telling me though huh?
just sieved thru a sack of rat poo in hope my rings would turn up, they didnt :( dont think ill see them again,
cpn hasnt called but i have cbt at his office tomorrow so will check then
rolls of flab hanging over jeans :/
its all little stuff but getting me down coz i didnt sleep
Last edited by ferretmonster : 13-01-2010 at 01:59 PM.
I went to the gym induction, managed to get through it but nearly cried whilst waiting for the train back. It took so much out of me to hold it together, how on earth am I going to be able to get back to work and doing other normal stuff - pathetic and wanting to cut. Hoping afternoon meds will kick in soon :(
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I think you did really well going to the gym Carrie.
dont look ahead about work, just focus on what youve achieved today and be proud.
I hope your meds soon kick in
What happend to your rings? The benifit thing sucks but its just one of these things that happens i guess, hopefuly you will get money paid soon. Maybe you could go back to bed and have a nap?
Carrie it will be better when your on your own using the gym and that.
Lottie - Its natural to be worried about being ill in hospital, but see it this way lots of people work there and dont get ill or sick, but i hope your friend gets better.
I swear im getting so pissed off with my friend, shes keeps asking me "im a sure i dont have hiv" - Becasue of me feeling really tired lately she keeps saying do i have hiv and its getting annoying, and apart from that i had my bloods checked for stuff and it was fine - im healthy, but she keeps bringing it up all the time, being paranoid agh
oh and sam i play guitar and piano :P
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
Carrie, step at a time, you did the gym and got home ok so well done to you!
eugh what a silly and random thing to say to you Mari, just ignore it as you said you have bloods checked,
my rings, my fault, coz i lost so much weight they were loose bascially :( two vrey nice rings one of which my mum got fixed for my last bday, both from my boyf :(
ferret - its a shame and its diappointing espeicly when they mean something to you.. but it isnt the end of the world and i know you know that so its ok to be upset and anooyed :)
carre- well done for going hun. like u said it was a strange environment and such i persoanlly hate inductions like that. so maybe thats why it was aoverwhelming after going a few times it will get easier and the same can be said for work and such
mari - i know its easy for me to say ignore her. and its difficult. but basicly what about sititng her down and saying yes im sure can u not keep bringing it up
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
I already explained to her that i had my bloods checked and if theyre was anything wrong it would have been picked up on, and that if i did have it, then i i would have symptoms rather than just being tired, then point out again my bloods where fine.
I dont know where this all came from, but im guessing its because we where talking about tattos and her fear of catching hiv from getting it done, still it was an odd thing to bring up. Im hoping she doesnt mention it again.
Sorry about your rings, they might still turn up you dont know.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
