It's important to be honest about how things are so you can hopefully get some support. You can mention your fear about things possibly being escalated. I hope today isn't as tough as you imagine it will be. Please look after yourself and do safe things. Having the NHS helpline and the charity must be helpful.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I am worried. Not intending to do anything but well I wasn't really intending to leave the flat this morning.
Have rung CMHT like person at first response said I could and left a message. Now the nervous waiting around for a call back that will hopefully happen at some point.
Advocating for yourself is really tiring.
Feel a little better this morning. Turns out I didn't take my meds Saturday night which may have contributed to my Sunday Morning Dissociative 'adventure'. But I have been very dissociative in general the last few days.
At least I am talking to neuropsychologist on Thursday who completely gets things. So if CMHT aren't any good I can aim towards that.
Hold on to the positive support you have coming up. I know advocating for yourself can feel like you're having to fight so much but I really hope it works out and soon. Well done for doing that. I hope your head is ok and that the CMHT get back to you quickly and that today can feel at least a little better.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Also, you mentioned in the other thread about being open to Duty. Do you think they would be a better type of support for you than the NHS helpline and the charity helpline? Would you still be able to use the NHS helpline if you were using Duty since they can be busy and have restricted hours?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Hoping Neuropsychogist will let me know he has managed to book a slot in a multidisciplinary meeting to discuss my case in next week or two. (The meetings happen every 2 weeks and the about to happen one is usually full and we talked 2 weeks ago so reckon meeting about me would be next week at earliest). Because he was going to try and bring CMHT in and they should take a psychologist seriously.
No word from CMHT yet.
Would still be able to use NHS helpline. Not sure duty would be better support but they would be a good middle ground between NHS helpline which is only for crisis moments and charity helpline which is just emotional support and they can't deal with clinical stuff /.don't have access to your notes. What would be ideal is someone from duty checking in with me occassionally while I wait.
I am lucky to have the helplines but would be great to have something that wasn't reliant on me reaching out.
They never called back. Their lack of answering a phone or calling someone back does not instill confidence in the team. Can't call tomorrow as have OT call, Brunch for partner's mum's birthday and I hen a physio appointment for my sprained wrist just to check it has healed up properly.
No idea it's been years since I was last actually under CMHt and allowed to call them. Only thought of it cos psych liason were going to get duty to ring me and check in but changed their mind and referred me to home treatment team instead last month when I came out of hospital.
Them not calling back has made me have less hope. Cos if they don't do that the team must be under staffed like crazy.
Well have done all my things for the day now. Guess I could use this time to phone CMHT as the phones don't close until 5pm but can't be bothered. Feels kind of pointless to try. And I am talking to neuropsychogist on Thursday and he said he was going to try and get a meeting with CMHT maybe he will have had more luck than me.
Been doing a bit better mentally today, although had a rocky moment first thing felt like I was entering autopilot watching my body/ a passenger in a bit. I wa spriactive and phoned First Response because I was worried I would end up leaving the house again or something and I had too much on today for a breakdown. Got on top of it with their help and then I think being busy helped me stay on top of it.
Was very much trying to live in the moment so I could enjoy brunch. And think I succeeded, I had a good time and managed not to worry too much while out. Then came back briefly before physio and now am home from physio with no plans left for the day. Can feel myself disconnecting a bit again and am tired.
Sounds like you've done really well, go you! I am glad you are being proactive and reaching out and that you had some enjoyment today. Try not to get too anxious about things now as I think that will just make feelings of disconnection etc worse.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
My days self harm free counter keeps resetting to zero. I managed to stop myself when cut was very small and shallow this morning. But I still did it. Did it without fully meaning to. And want to do more.
I know how frustrating that can be but also sometimes coming with a lack of care about it. How is it making you feel? I'm glad you at least managed to stop this morning. Why is it that you want to do more?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I am trying not to most of the time. And most of the time I don't like that I am back here. I feel guilty and vulnerable.
I think I did it today because of trying to make things feel less numb and more real but I did it on impulse without really choosing to, something I could use as a tool was there and so I used it. Hence stopping after a little bit as it clicked in what I was doing.. And I want to do it again because that impulse is there and everytthing is still kind of numb.
Like today reason I am not harming is I know I shouldnt, not that I don't want to. Just following the rules of how one is meant to do things.
I know you say you're just following the 'rules' but remember the guilty and vulnerable feelings, you don't want them so you are trying for yourself too. Does anything else help with the numb feeling?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
The guilt is more at the impact on my partner. If he didn't exist and care about me then I would be unlikely I feel guilty.
Sometimes grounding helps but not always. Have come up with a plan with OT to put green dots around my house to try and remind me to proactively practise grounding throughout the day. As I had success with yellow dots from respiratory physio.
I gave partner my most recent improvised tool after talking with OT.
Also was honest with OT bout mental health side of things. Because she asked and because I trust her. She is going to try and speak with neuropsychogist and see if there is stuff he thinks she can do that will help me. And she is going to ask him if there is specifically anything she can do to help make CMHT offer me support. And I am speaking to neuropsychogist tomorrow so it works out.
Bless OT she is not a mental health OT she is a neurological rehabilitation OT. But she has really stepped up for me. Told her today she is only person who reaches out to me rather than me having to reaching out to them and how much I appreciate it.
I am so glad you have such a supportive OT and a good relationship with her. Good luck with the neuropsychologist tomorrow. The green dots sound like a good idea and I hope they do help. Well done with giving the tool to your partner.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Appointment was more if a check in that actually going through stuf. I kind of knew that ahead of time but was maybe hoping for more emotional support.
Multi disciplinary meeting has been booked for Thursday next week (23rd) and I have a call book with psychologist for the Tuesday after that meeting (28th). Where he will update me on outcome of meeting.
He asked if part of symptoms were from being scared of going back to hospital and I said that there is some fear and hospital is trigger in general. But I think more if it is abot me trying to process last few months including hospital and part of me being like nope no way are we going there and shutting everything down.
Discussed a bit what might be helpful.snd what might not for hik.ti discuss with team. And I asked him to find out if there is any idea how long wait for CMHT assessment will be. And how to access the duty support I am meant to have.
One bit I forgot to mention but we did cover last time was EDMR. Might email him mentioning it as he was going to try and work out best service to do EDMR under.
Fingers crossed that the outcome of the meeting suits you. It's good that you have had some input on what the team will discuss and what might help you. I understand how things can be so scary that you just shut down. Maybe that's ok for now when you feel like things are a bit too much to deal with, as long as you are doing your best to stay safe. Talking things through with someone in a safe space with strategies for dealing with the aftermath of talking would be good. Definitely email him about what you forgot to mention.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
